


Summer of Adventure

by AllFuckedUpOnLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Erection, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amusement Parks, Awkward Sexual Situations, Barbecue, Bonfires, Breakfast in Bed, Canon Non-Binary Character, Cas sings, Cuddling, DCBB2019, Dean Winchester Makes A Playlist, Dean/Cas Big Bang, Dean/Cas Big Bang 2019 (Supernatural), First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Mentions of marriage, Movie Night, Multi, Pancakes, Scrapbooks, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Summer Vacation, Thanksgiving, Underage Drinking, mini golf, summer before college, volunteering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 05:34:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 46,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21405013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllFuckedUpOnLove/pseuds/AllFuckedUpOnLove
Summary: It’s the summer before Dean and Cas start their freshman year of college, and they want it to be as fun-filled as possible. Despite Dean’s summer job at the movie theater taking up most of his time, they are determined to make it work. They set out to complete a 15 item list of activities, including mini-golf, a backyard bonfire, and a pancake eating challenge, taking pictures along the way to put in a commemorative scrapbook.Early on, a misunderstanding following an almost-kiss leads to Dean and Cas believing that their feelings for each other are unrequited. The tension puts a strain on their friendship, until one of them finally cracks and admits how he feels. As their relationship begins to grow, an unforeseen circumstance turns their world upside down. With their future hanging in the balance, their bond will be tested like never before.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dorothy Baum/Charlie Bradbury, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 114
Collections: DCBB 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, thank you to the wonderful [Correlia-be](https://correlia-be.tumblr.com) for creating the beautiful artwork for my fic.  
Link to artwork: [CLICK](https://correlia-be.tumblr.com/post/189018244857/summer-of-adventure-summary-its-the-summer)  
  
This is my first time participating in the Dean/Cas Big Bang, and they were very supportive throughout the process.  
It's been quite an experience seeing the scenes that I wrote come to life through such a talented artist.  
  
I'm pretty sure this is the longest story I've ever written, and I had a blast doing so.  
I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Feel free to comment and leave kudos as you go!

It was officially summer vacation, and as much as Dean wanted to enjoy not having to wake up while the moon was still out, his rusted old fan had finally kicked the bucket and he woke up covered in sweat. He picked up his phone and checked the time. 5am. Fantastic. He fiddled with the fan, turning it on and off, unplugging it and plugging it back in, but no luck. 

He slipped on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts before ambling over to his father’s room. He raised his fist to knock on the door, but quickly lowered it. It was too damn early to bother John with something as silly as a broken fan. Dean would probably get chewed out. Not worth it. So he splashed some cold water on his face, and headed back into his hot room. 

John worked as a machine operator in a factory downtown. He worked overnights, often long hours, and when he got home he expected the house to be in order, and to not be disturbed. In his opinion, it was basic respect, and he expected nothing else from his boys. After all, he worked to make sure they had food in their stomachs and a roof over their heads. They should be thankful they had a father who made sure they stayed out of trouble and were taken care of.

Dean had gotten used to it, but his little brother, Sam, had quite the mouth on him. Dean couldn’t count the number of times Sam had been grounded because of some smart remark, but if anything serious happened, Dean was the one who took the fall. He was the proud owner of many a split lip courtesy of a quick backhand from John Winchester. He was second in command. He was supposed to make sure Sam stayed out of trouble. He knew that. 

It had pretty much been that way since their mother died. John never really recovered, and instead took up drinking and working overtime to avoid dealing with reality. It turned into a never ending cycle. He’d feel bad about not being as present in his boys’ lives as he should be, he’d drink more, black out, and repeat. 

Dean picked up the slack. He kept the house clean, did laundry, cooked dinner, made sure Sam caught the bus in the morning. It was a thankless job, but Dean would do whatever it took to make sure Sam had a good life. 

It was around 9am when a loud pounding on Dean’s door woke him up. 

“Dean! Get up!” 

It was John. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand it was either of his boys wasting their time. It was summer, but that didn’t mean it was going to be a vacation.

“You’re not going to be sleeping in till noon and hanging around here in your boxers all summer watching TV. Get up, and start looking for a job.”

Getting a job was the last thing Dean wanted to do, but he should have seen this coming. Last summer it was much of the same. Dean did life guarding at the local pool to save some money to pay for college applications and the like. He probably could’ve asked John for help, but doing it independently avoided an argument. 

Yawning, Dean rubbed the sleep from his eyes, stretching his arms over his head. He brushed his teeth and took a quick shower, before throwing on some jeans and a button down shirt. He wanted to look nice, but casual. He knew most places that would consider hiring him probably wouldn’t care much about his appearance, but first impressions are important. 

He picked up his phone, needing some support as the freedom of his summer was being ripped, yet again, from his hands. 

“Heya, Cas! What are you up to today?” 

“I’m putting away some clothes, why?” Cas responded.

Castiel Novak was Dean’s best friend. He had moved into town at the beginning of their senior year, and they instantly clicked. They had English, gym, and lunch together. Dean took it upon himself to get him acquainted with both the school and the town. Much to Dean’s delight, Cas was impressed by the impala, stating that it was a lot cooler than his mom’s minivan. Which, to be fair, it absolutely was. 

He showed him all the best pizza places, where the movie theater was and the old drive in, the stadium downtown, and the best fishing hole. Dean had a soft spot for the kid, as he knew what it was like to be the new kid in town. 

John had moved them to a new house when he was in middle school, forcing him to leave behind most of his friends and make new ones. It was hard, and he didn’t want Cas to struggle the way he did. Plus, Cas was a total nerd, and Dean loved spending time with him. 

They binge watched classic horror movies on the weekends, Cas usually hiding under the blanket during the scary parts, then insisting they keep all the lights on because the monsters won't get you if the lights are on, it’s common courtesy. They’d play Mario Kart until Cas’s mom would come yell at them to be quiet, but she had never played Rainbow Road, she didn’t understand the stakes. And Dean couldn’t explain to her the humiliation of losing to Princess Peach for the 5th time in a row, or why Cas insisted on playing as her. But they had a lot of fun together, and grew close over the course of a year.

“Dad wants me to go job hunting today. Want to tag along?”

“Job hunting? It’s summer, Dean. Doesn’t he know kids are supposed to enjoy their time off before college?” 

“Well, I’m 18, and in his eyes, and in the eyes of the law, that’s an adult, so I don’t have much of a choice here.”

“But what about our summer of adventure? We already made the list, and if you get a job, we’re not going to have time to do it all.”

“Realistically, we probably weren’t going to be able to do it all anyway.”

“Not the point. The point is, this was supposed to be Dean and Cas take on the world, living free, no cares in the world, just getting to live a little before we get thrown right back into another four years of formal education.” 

Dean tossed himself onto his bed, huffing out a breath as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Look, I promise that I’ll do my best to fit in the things on our list, okay? But I have to get a job. That’s non-negotiable. So, what do you say? Will you come with me and make it less miserable?” 

There was nothing but dead air on the line. Dean could practically feel Cas rolling his eyes as he thought it over.

“Fine. But can you at least apply for a cool job? One that might get your BFF a sweet discount?”

“I’m going to take whatever job will hire me. I’ll pick you up in 10?”

“Alright. See you then.”

Cas was ready right when Dean pulled up to his house. Mrs. Novak waved to them through the screen door, telling them to be safe. She worried about them, maybe a little too much, but it was sweet that she cared. Cas handed Dean a piece of pie, wrapped in cellophane, with a sticky note that had a little heart drawn on it.

“From your mom?” Dean asked.

“You bet. She made it fresh this morning.”

Dean rolled down the window and shouted, “Thanks for the pie Mrs. Novak!”

“You’re welcome! Drive safe!” She waved goodbye as she shut the door. 

“Dude, I love your mom.” Dean unwrapped the pie and took a huge bite of the caramel apple goodness. 

“Do you love her, or do you love the free food she gives you?”

“Both,” Dean said, mouth full, crumbs flying on the steering wheel.

They headed into town, first stop on the list was the movie theater. Upside: it was air conditioned and you got to eat free popcorn. Downside: he would run into a lot of people from school there. Nonetheless, he walked in and filled out an application. Cas was supportive of this choice, as Dean would probably be able to hook him up with promotional posters. 

Dean also applied at the local grocery store, Swirly’s Ice Cream, and a vape shop. Cas scolded him about how “Puff Daddy’s” was not the kind of place Dean should be working at, it sounded like a strip club, but Dean reminded him that he would work anywhere that was willing to hire him. 

Well, Dean actually did draw the line at being a stripper. He couldn’t dance, and if John found out, he’d be dead. Sure the money would probably be good, but he wasn’t ready to commit to a life of sex work. 

He drove back to Cas’s house, so he could apply for some more jobs online. He didn’t have a computer at home, but Cas was always chill about letting him borrow his laptop, especially for school or important things. 

Cas’s room was the exact opposite of Dean’s. In fact, the entire Novak family was pretty much the polar opposite of the Winchesters. Mr. and Mrs. Novak were happily married, and in addition to Cas, they had three other children, Gabe, who was the youngest, Michael who was the second youngest, and Anael, who was the oldest. Their house was always clean, never a dish in the sink, plus they had central air. 

Dean was taken aback the first time he came over. He ogled the grand staircase, and the big screen TV in the living room. He questioned why there was a formal living room that no one was allowed to go in, but Cas just said that’s how his mother wanted it, so that’s how it was. They had cereal in those plastic containers that were stored in an actual pantry. These people had a pantry! Dean was used to stale store brand cereal that they kept on the top of the fridge, so imagine his surprise when he stayed the night for the first time, and woke up to a home-cooked breakfast. 

Mrs. Novak really went all out. There was bacon and eggs, toast with a variety of jams, sausage, pancakes, and orange juice. Dean hadn’t had a meal like that in years. The closest he got was when John brought home a couple breakfast meals from McDonald's after he got his Christmas bonus. 

Cas never mentioned their economic differences though. Maybe he thought it would be rude, maybe he didn’t think of it at all, but either way, Dean was happy that they all treated him like part of the family, and not like the poor boy with the dead mom. 

“How many more jobs do you have to apply for, I have some new plans to discuss with you.” Cas rummaged through his desk, pulling out a notebook. 

“This is the last one. Cashier at the Gas N’ Sip.” 

“You mean to tell me you’re willing to miss out on a guided tour of Dodge City so you can put $20 on pump 5?” Cas stared at Dean as he finished filling out his application. 

“Oh, we’re not missing that. But the Rock Monument might be something we’d have to sacrifice.” 

Cas’s eyes went wide, and his mouth hung open a bit. “Excuse me, that is a National Natural Landmark. The whole place used to be underwater. The land is literally a sea bed. Plus, it’s one of the Eight Wonders of Kansas.”

“It’s rocks, Cas.” Dean’s expression was deadpan. “We can see rocks anywhere.” 

“It’s nature, you go to appreciate the beauty.” 

“Whatever, we can appreciate the beauty of cowboys instead.”

Cas cocked an eyebrow at the statement, but Dean didn’t elaborate. He typed away and Cas wrote down some last minute ideas to the already lengthy list of summer plans. 

Once Dean was finally done, they went back and forth, discussing which activities they really wanted to do, and which ones they would be able to compromise on. After about an hour they had a completed list. Cas pulled out an extra large pad of paper from his closet and a jumbo Sharpie. Dean was confused. 

“What? It seemed like the kind of project for large paper. You have to be able to visualize your goals if you want to achieve them, Dean.” 

Cas wrote the final list on the jumbo piece of paper before ripping it off the pad and taping it to his wall. 

“There,” Cas said, taking a step back. “Our summer is officially planned.” 

The list was 15 items, narrowed down from about 30 ideas, all of which held some promise of making memories.

**Cas and Dean’s Summer of Adventure**

  1. Backyard Bonfire
  2. Drive-In Movie
  3. Amusement Park
  4. Boot Hill In Dodge City
  5. Botanical Gardens
  6. Miniature Golf
  7. Extreme Pancake Challenge At Ellen’s Diner
  8. See Fireworks
  9. Go To A Zoo
  10. Volunteer
  11. Ride A Mechanical Bull
  12. Ghost Hunt
  13. Zip Lining 
  14. Movie Marathon
  15. Make A Scrapbook To Commemorate Each Thing We Do

It seemed intimidating, knowing they only had about two months to get everything done, but they were gonna try. This was the last summer before the start of the next big chapter of their lives. They knew college was going to be stressful, full of late nights, cramming for tests, and crying about impending project deadlines. This was their chance to experience a small slice of the world before they had to buckle down. 

For Dean, this was a chance to make decisions for himself, and for Cas, this was an opportunity to make lasting memories with his best friend. They were both ready for the chaos to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas looked down at the text on his phone, perplexed. He hated that Dean randomly chose to send him things with zero explanation.  
  
_DW: Popcorn or Ice Cream? _ ** _   
  
_**

What kind of question was that? Dean wasn’t supposed to come over, and they weren’t going out for food. Perhaps it was just a silly question for one of those personality tests. He texted back:   
  


**CN: Well, Dean that depends entirely on the context.  
  
**

_DW: Will you just pick one?_   
  


**CN: Fine. Ice Cream.  
  
**

Dean didn’t respond. After about 10 minutes, Cas’s phone buzzed.  
  


_DW: I’m vetoing your decision. _   
  


**CN: Then why did you ask me?  
  
**

_DW: You said ice cream, and it made me realize that I don’t want to work at Swirly’s. So, I guess I’m going to accept the position at the movie theater, since they’re the only other place that called me back._   
  


**CN: Are you telling me you just made a career choice based on my food preference???  
  
**

_DW: Maybe._   
  


Cas laughed. He didn’t know what to make of Dean sometimes. He was a specific brand of reckless that Cas found endearing, but would never understand. If he were in Dean’s shoes, he wouldn't make a decision like that based on someone else’s opinions. He’d probably pull out another sheet of extra large paper and make a pros and cons list.

But that’s just how he was. 

At his old school, the kids would tease him for always being extra prepared for tests, showing up with 3 pencils and one of those jumbo erasers. He was the one who always had his homework done, and asked the teacher for extra credit. It was easy to excel in school. There were rules, and order. All he had to do was follow the instructions, and he’d be successful. 

College should’ve been no different. He applied for a couple in-state schools, and a couple out of state as well. He tried to make sure he and Dean applied to most of the same ones, that way they could go to college together.

They both got into Kansas State, and planned on starting in the fall, but Cas couldn’t shake the fear that Dean would grow sick of him once they got there. Dean was so much more sociable than he was, he’d have no trouble making friends. He’d spend time with the new people he met, and Cas would fall to the wayside. 

So while he still had Dean at the forefront of his life, he had to spend as much time with him as he possibly could.  
  


**CN: Idea. Let’s start on our list. How about mini golf? I could use some fresh air.  
  
**

_ DW: Sounds good! How about 7?_   
  


**CN: Okay. I’ll pick you up this time?  
  
**

_ DW: Deal. _

It was still pretty warm when they arrived at the golf course. Despite Cas’s objections, Dean insisted on wearing a leather jacket.

“It’s part of the outfit, Cas. Besides, if you think I’m going to casually get out of a minivan in regular clothes, you don’t know me at all. People from school might be here. I have an image to maintain.” 

“And what might that image be?”

“You know, the mysterious brooding type. Dark past with a sensitive side. All the chicks dig that.” Dean lowered his gaze, shooting Cas the best smoldering look he could muster. 

“You look constipated. Let’s go.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and dragged him over to the check-in counter before he could interject. 

They paid for the full 18 holes. Cas was excited, as this was one of the few sports that he excelled at. Dean liked to tease him about it, but he wouldn’t be laughing after Cas whooped his ass up and down the course.

The evening was going well, they got past the round where you have to hit the ball into a windmill, and the one where you have to get it into the clown’s mouth. Dean did the worst on the trick whole shot where you had to get the ball to go through a pipe system. Cas got a hole in one.

It was Dean’s turn to go, he was down by 2 points. If he wanted to jump into the lead he had to make this shot. He crouched down, eyeing the AstroTurf in front of him. He laid flat on his stomach, and angled the golf club in various directions, trying to plan the best trajectory for the ball. 

“Alright, Tiger Woods, let’s get the show on the road.”

Dean stuck his tongue out as he stood up, dusting off his pants. He lined his golf club up next to the neon green ball and gave a couple practice strokes. He took a deep breath, steadying his grip. He lifted the club, ready to swing, when a scream cut through his focus.

“Snake!” Cas shouted, pointing to an area near the castle moat.

Dean jumped, causing the club to slip from his hands and be sent flying into the water.

“Where? Where’s the snake!” He spun around trying to locate it, but it was to no avail. “Is it on me? I feel like it’s on me!” 

Cas laughed as Dean frantically scratched and swatted all over his body, trying to fend off the snake. He knew he shouldn’t, but Cas couldn’t resist.

“It’s climbing up your back!” 

And that was it. Dean sprinted, full force, toward the edge of the golf course, launching himself over the fence and into the moat. He hit the water with a splash, still screaming at the top of his lungs. 

“Dean, what the hell?” Cas ran over to see Dean dousing himself with the algae-infested water.

“Is it off me? Is it gone?” 

“It was a joke, Dean. There’s no snake.” 

Dean instantly stilled. He looked up at Cas, then at all the people who were staring at him, and the embarrassment set in. If there was a snake, he’d be justified for freaking out, but now he was just a wet boy in a moat. Things were only made worse by the manager coming over with security to drag him from the water. 

They escorted Cas and Dean back to their car, and kindly informed them that they were no longer allowed on the property. 

“Well, so much for your image.” Cas ruffled Dean’s wet hair.

“Shut up.”

Cas rummaged through the trunk, finding a grease-stained towel for Dean to sit on. It wasn’t much, but it would keep the seats from getting soaked.

“I can honestly say I’ve never been banned from a property before. It was kinda fun,” Cas said, starting the car.

“Yeah, maybe for you.” Dean rolled down his window. “I have the pleasure of air drying like a dog, and I’m gonna have to put my phone in a bowl of rice when I get home.” 

“Damn, I almost forgot. We have to take a picture. Number 15, remember?” Cas pulled his phone from his pocket, opening the camera.

“If you think I’m going to let you immortalize this moment-”

“Too late!” Cas leaned over and snapped a selfie. It was a little blurry, but he was smiling wide, and Dean was serving a serious death glare. It was perfect. 

Cas dropped Dean off after offering to bring him back to his house, as it was closer. Dean declined, saying he had to go check on Sam anyway. John would be pissed if he came home to find that Sam had gotten into trouble while Dean was off goofing around. 

As soon as Cas got home, he uploaded the picture to his computer and printed it out. He didn’t have the scrapbook yet, so he pinned the picture to the cork board over his desk. If this was how day one turned out, he couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the summer had in store.


	3. Chapter 3

It was the 4th of July, and Dean had promised to take Sam to see the fireworks downtown. He had also told Cas he could tag along if he wanted to because with Dean having started his job at the movie theater, he hadn’t been able to do anything on their list all week. This way, he could spend time with Cas, take his brother on a fun outing, and check another thing off of their list. 

“Sam, those dishes better be done! We have to leave in 10 minutes if we want to get a good spot on the lawn!” Dean yelled from his room. He told Sam they could only go see the fireworks if the house was spotless. He didn’t want to deal with John’s temper if he came home to a dirty house. So Dean cooked dinner and vacuumed, and Sam was on dish duty. 

“I only have one pot left!” Sam hastily scrubbed the metal, giving it a quick rinse, before setting it in the dish rack. He ran out to the living room where Dean was putting on his coat.

“Done!” Sam had a huge smile on his face. It warmed Dean’s heart to know he could do something exciting for his brother. He just wanted him to have a normal childhood. One that he never got to have.

“Alright kiddo, let’s go.” 

“Are we walking?”

“No, Cas is gonna pick us up.”

“Ooo, is this like ... a date?”

Dean froze in the doorway, stepping back inside and shutting the door behind him.

“What did you say?”

“Is this a date?” Sam asked, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket. “You and Cas spend a lot of time together, you totally make googly eyes at him all the time. It would make sense. I’m pretty sure I’m only tagging along because you promised to take me.”

Dean’s cheeks were flushed and it felt like his heart was pounding out of his chest. Of course this wasn’t a date. Sam didn’t know what he was talking about.

“No. We’re just friends.” It wasn’t that Dean hadn’t thought about boys in that way before, but he didn’t think other people would pick up on it. And this was Cas they were talking about. His best friend.

“Okay. But just so you know, if you were more than friends, I’d be cool with it cause-”

“Drop it Sam. I mean it.” 

They waited at the end of the driveway in silence until Cas pulled up in the iconic pastel blue minivan. 

“Ah yes, our suburban chariot awaits us,” Dean joked, walking over to the passenger side. He hopped in, noting the faint sounds of Justin Bieber playing on the radio. He chose not to make fun of Cas, since he was kind enough to drive them to the fireworks.

“Thanks for the ride, Castiel,” Sam said, buckling his seat belt.

“Anytime little man.” 

Dean turned around in his seat, “You can call him Cas like a normal person.” 

Sam shook his head, mockingly scrunching up his lip in return. 

It was a quick drive to the harbor downtown. There were tons of vendors set up and kids running around with sparklers. The scent of fried dough filled the air. There were carnival games, live music, and enough neon lights to make it look like early morning. Sam’s eyes were aglow with wonder, he didn’t know what he wanted to do first. 

“Dean, can I pretty, pretty please get one of the jumbo lollipops?” Sam looked up at Dean with his patented puppy dog eyes and honestly it wasn’t fair. Dean checked his pockets, then looked at the price. It was $7. 

“No, that thing will rot your teeth.” Dean hated the way Sam’s face fell, but couldn’t tell him he only had $10 and that was for real food.

“Come on Dean, look at that face. If you don’t get it for him, I will,” Cas said, placing his hands on Sam’s shoulders.

“Really?” Sam smiled up at Cas, his eyes lit up with hope again.

Cas looked at Dean, waiting for his approval. Dean nodded his head.

“Yeah, let’s show your big brother how to have some fun.” Cas and Sam walked up to the tent and he let Sam pick out whichever lollipop he wanted. He picked the giant swirly rainbow one, as Cas had expected. 

“Dean look! It’s as big as my head!” Sam had the biggest smile plastered on his face, and that was all that mattered. 

“Yeah it is, buddy. It’ll prolly take you two days to eat the whole thing.”

They laughed as a couple warning fireworks went off, alerting everyone that the show was about to begin. 

“Sam, why don’t you run on ahead and find us a real good spot to sit, okay?”

Still licking away at his lollipop, Sam ran off in search of the best spot on the harbor lawn.

“Thank you for that,” Dean said softly, staring at the ground as they walked.

“It’s no problem. I know money is tight for you guys, and what’s $7 to me when it makes Sam that happy, you know?” 

Dean had a suspicion that this was one of those moments Sam was talking about. He couldn’t help but look at Cas like he rose mountains from the earth. He was kind, with zero expectation of anything in return, just because that’s how he was. He always lent a helping hand when he could, and that’s what Dean loved about him. More so now than ever before. 

They caught up with Sam, who actually did pick an excellent spot to sit. None of the trees were in the way and there weren’t as many people on that side. 

They set up the blanket on the ground and then got settled in. Sam sat at the front of the blanket, while Dean and Cas shared the two back corners. 

“You know, fireworks are just chemical reactions,” Cas said, ready with a fun fact about the pyrotechnics. “The reds are made with lithium, orange is made with calcium, yellow is made with sodium, green is made with barium, and blue is made with copper. They say blue is the hardest one to produce, but either way, they all burn different colors, and that’s why the fireworks are so pretty.”

Right on cue, the fireworks went off with thunderous crashes and big flashes of color. Sam’s favorite were the ones that made the whistle noise when they scattered all over the sky. Cas liked the ones where they sizzled and fell down like a willow tree. Dean liked the finale, because it was a cacophony of booms and the brightest lights he’s ever seen. It was magical. Every time he got to see fireworks, it made him feel like a kid again. Just for that moment, he got to enjoy the simple things. Be amazed by the colors and the lights. There were no worries, no responsibilities. Just pure wonder.

Dean was caught up in the mesmerizing moment, but he could’ve swore he felt Cas’s pinky brush over his, ever so gently. But he probably imagined it. They were sitting pretty close, it was probably an accident. Even if it wasn’t, why would it matter? Friends hold hands all the time, right?

Dean couldn’t shake the nonsensical feeling of longing that filled his chest. It was stupid. He wanted Cas to have purposefully inched his hand over. He wanted Cas to want him to return the favor. He wanted… 

He didn’t know what he wanted.

And then the sky faded to a smokey black, and the applause died down. Cas was standing up, the magic fizzled out, and it was time to go back home.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas had a lot more downtime on his hands since Dean started working full shifts at the movie theater. He tried not to complain because at least Dean got to work the earlier shifts, so they still had plenty of time after work to hang out, but that meant Cas had a void to fill.

He opted with his tried and true passion: volunteering. His family spent last summer volunteering at the local food bank, and he figured that would be an easy fit. He loved giving back to the community, especially because he was in such an opportune place to do so. His family was well off, he had plenty of down time, plus the volunteer work would look excellent on his future resume. It was a win-win for everyone.

He spent the better part of his Friday morning unloading boxes and sorting through various food donations with about 80 other volunteers at the Helping Hands food bank. He always chose to volunteer there because they sourced to local pantries, and he loved coming back to the familiar faces. It was like a home away from home. 

In the afternoon, he went down to the homeless shelter and helped serve meals. They weren’t a large town, by any means, so Cas was always shocked by the amount of people he ended up serving in a day. There were people there from all walks of life, but his favorite person by far was this sweet woman named Missouri. No matter what her circumstances were, she would always greet Cas with a smile, and a daily inspirational quote. 

“What’s the word today, Missouri?” Cas scooped up a spoon full of mashed potatoes and placed them on the lunch tray. 

“Knowledge is knowing there is just as much to learn from your failures as there is from your successes.”

She smiled, and Cas smiled back. He never understood how she could stay so positive amidst all of the hardships she was facing. He guessed that was just how she was. She wasn’t the kind of woman to let the world change her, no, she was the kind of woman who was dead set on changing the world. 

After the initial rush of people was served, Cas took a break to check his phone. He had a couple texts from his mom, asking him how everything was going.

He quickly shot back that the day was going just fine, lots of friendly faces. 

His mom told him to be safe, and head right home afterwards. She didn’t want him out in a bad part of town after dark. 

Cas understood that his mother had his best interests at heart, but come on. He was out doing charity work, not busting a drug smuggling ring. He tried not to complain about it though, because he knew that out of all the mothers he could’ve had, his was one of the best. He just wished she’d let him spread his wings a little. Despite his mother’s request, he pulled out his phone and texted Dean.  
  


**CN: Hey, you wanna hang out after work? I could use some more time out of the house. And against my better judgment, I think I’m starting to miss your dumb face :p**

  
Cas didn’t hear back, and his break was over, so he headed back to finish his shift. It was a blur of creamed corn and mashed potatoes until 3pm. He stayed an extra half hour to help clean up, then headed back home. 

He checked his phone, still no reply from Dean. He didn’t consider himself to be one of those people that expects instant replies, but he was kind of agitated that Dean couldn’t have given him a quick answer in the now 4 hours that had passed. On top of that, the message said it was read.

**  
CN: So, is that a no?**

  
He waited 5 minutes. No reply. 10 minutes. No reply. 30 minutes. No reply.  
  


**CN: Are you ok?  
  
**

It wasn’t like Dean to leave Cas with nothing but radio silence for an entire day. It made him worry. What if something happened? What if Dean was hurt? Eventually, the logical part of Cas realized that Dean probably had to work a later shift, or his phone died, or he had to do something for Sam. There were plenty of reasons why someone wouldn’t answer their phone. So instead of worrying and overthinking, Cas decided to watch some TV to distract himself from the situation.

It was around 10pm, and Cas was on the verge of falling asleep to a nature documentary when his phone buzzed and jolted him awake. He squinted as his eyes tried to adjust to the brightness of the phone screen. It was a text from Dean.  
  


_ DW: Sorry! I thought I replied. I’m ok. A couple people from the movie theater wanted to get dinner together, and then we spent the whole night hanging out. I lost track of time. I’m off tomorrow if you still wanna hang out?_   
  


Cas’s stomach sank. He knew it was probably silly, but he felt betrayed. For all he knew, Dean could’ve been in a ditch on the side of the road somewhere, or halfway to Tahiti with a missing kidney. He was too busy with his new friends to even bother sending a reply. Noted.

It was bad enough not getting to see his best friend as often, but to have all of his fears come to life right in front of him? The worst.

So Cas opened the message, left it on read, put his phone on silent, and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Someone's clothing catches on fire.

The first thing Dean did when he woke up was check his phone. He fully expected to see a text from Cas, so he was a little disappointed when there wasn’t one. He didn’t think he had done anything wrong, but maybe Cas was upset with him about something. Or maybe he was busy and needed some space. Cas did tend to get into moods where he didn’t want to speak to anyone. Dean figured it might be best to let him work through whatever was going on. 

As he scrolled through Instagram, he saw a picture Cas took of some fancy breakfast from the bistro downtown. The caption read “Quality time with me, myself and I. #ICanDoBadAllByMyself”

It wasn’t unusual, but that meant that Cas had definitely seen the text message and chose to ignore it. That could only mean one thing: time for damage control. 

Dean pulled out his phone, knowing there was only one person he could trust to help him with this situation.

“Hey Charlie! Are you busy right now or can you talk?”

“Free as a bird, my dude. What’s up?” 

Charlie was Dean’s longtime best friend. They had known each other since elementary school, where they cemented their friendship by seeing who could eat a bottle of glue the fastest. Dean won, then proceeded to throw up on his desk, so Charlie was probably the real winner there. They were practically attached at the hip ever since. 

Even though Dean had to switch schools, they went with each other to their respective middle school dances. They even wore matching converse. Then for Halloween, they coordinated their costumes. 

Dean’s personal favorite was when they went as Toy Story characters. He went as Woody, Charlie went as Jessie, and as much as they tried to convince Sam to go as Andy, the poor, space-obsessed child insisted that he go as one of the aliens. 

The pictures were hilarious. 

They were standing in the living room, Dean and Charlie in the back, with their animal print and cowboy hats, and there was Sam, dead center, face covered in green paint, his hair gelled into a Mohawk, his little body squeezed into a blue spandex suit. He didn’t really look like an alien, but he was happy, and that was all that mattered. 

As time went on, Dean and Charlie started to drift apart. Even though they ended up in the same high school, they still faced the conflict of different class schedules, new friends being made, and new clubs to join. They still made a point to call each other, in between the occasional meme spam, just to make sure they didn’t completely fall out of touch. 

“I think Cas is mad at me.” 

Over the past year, Dean and Cas had their fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, and Dean was sure that this was the result of the latter. 

“What did you do now?”

“Cas sent me a text asking if we could hang out when I got done with my shift, and I got distracted because a couple people from work wanted to hang out, and I didn’t text him back until super late. I said I was sorry, and that we could hang out today, but he left me on read. Then this morning, he posted a brunch picture on Instagram, and I’m pretty sure the caption was a vague post about me.”

“Well, yeah you dingus.” Charlie had a way with words. “You ignored him all day, so he’s probably just trying to level the playing field. Like when you like someone, and they text you, and you don’t want to seem too desperate, so you wait like twice as long to text them back. Obviously, you were out doing things and living a life separate from him, he probably just wants you to think he’s busy and living his best life too.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I think we should throw a party or something. You can invite some of your coworkers, that way they’ll get to know each other, and Cas won’t think you’re blocking him out of your life.”

“That’s perfect!” Dean knew exactly how he could make it up to Cas. 

“Yeah? I figured that would take some convincing seeing as you are not a party hosting type of guy.”

“Well, we have this list of things we’re supposed to do this summer, you know, before we head off to college, and one of them is a backyard bonfire. Now, I might not be good at hosting parties, but I don’t think I can mess up burning some wood.”

Charlie agreed, plus she hadn’t gotten to see Dean in a while, so she was excited for them to hang out again. 

After he ended the call with Charlie, Dean decided he would bite the bullet and double text.   
  


_ DW: Hey! I’m sorry if I upset you by not texting you. I didn’t mean to ignore you, I promise. And if you happen to think that I’m replacing you, I’m not. I actually think tomorrow would be a good night to have the bonfire. I called Charlie and she’s down. I might invite my coworkers so you guys can meet. Anyway, I’m sorry. Please talk to me. _

Saturday rolled around and as dusk cast it’s foggy shadow over the town, Dean was out back, scouring the edge of his backyard for firewood. He bribed Sam to leave him alone for the evening by saying he could also have a friend over. 

Sam invited over a sweet girl named Eileen. They met in sign language club, because that is the most Sam place to meet a girl. Dean didn’t even know that club was offered at the school, if he didn’t know any better, he’d guess that Sam was the one who founded it. Either way, Dean liked Eileen, she was smart and seemed nice, and wasn’t afraid to crack a couple jokes. Exactly the kind of person he’d want his brother to end up with. 

When Dean told him to leave the door open, Sam insisted that they were just friends, and that they were going to watch YouTube videos together. Dean left it at that. If young love happened to bloom between them, then so be it, but he didn’t want to push the subject. 

Charlie was the first one to show up, chips and soda in hand. Dean was thankful for her help, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to do everything by himself. She helped get the lawn chairs out of the garage, fending off quite a few spiders along the way. 

“Dean, what are you going to do when I’m not here and you have to fight the big, scary bugs for yourself?”

“Call Sam.” 

They laughed, and finished setting up the backyard. They put most of the snacks on a worn-down picnic table that John had built years ago, and Charlie hung some Christmas lights over the back door. 

Around 7:30, the rest of the guest showed up. There was Garth, who Dean had met his freshman year in Tech club, Benny, who worked with him at the pool last summer, Meg and Kevin who worked at the movie theater, and Dorothy, who Charlie begged Dean to let come because she had a major crush on her and this was the perfect opportunity to get to know her better. 

Benny was in charge of the alcohol, and he did not disappoint. There was quite the assortment of beer, vodka, tequila, whiskey, and rum. He was the only one in the group with a fake I.D., and cashiers never questioned him because he was 6 feet tall and had a beard. Turns out, puberty had its benefits.

“Dean, I can not thank you enough. Me and Dorothy are totally hitting it off.” Charlie arched her feet up so she was on her tiptoes and waved at the brown haired girl with the leather jacket. She smiled and waved back. Charlie pulled out her phone and opened up Snapchat. 

“Look, we even took these gross selfies together. I love them.” 

As she scrolled through the pictures, Dean cracked up. His personal favorite was the one where they swapped faces. Charlie had her tongue out and Dorothy was caught mid-laugh. Charlie had it set as her phone background.

“Glad I could be of assistance.”

“And what about you?” Charlie asked, lips forming into a mischievous grin.

“What about me?” Dean took a swig of his Jack and coke. He coughed, realizing he poured it way too strong.

“Have you talked to Cas yet?”

“No. I’m still not sure what to say.”

Cas was sitting by himself, taking small sips from his red plastic cup. It only occurred to Dean in that moment that Cas had never met most of these people before, and he was not social enough to introduce himself.

“Just apologize for being a dick, and keep it moving. I’m sure he’ll understand that you didn’t purposefully leave him in the dark.”

Charlie was right. Cas was a very understanding person, and it wasn’t like this was their first fight. They always found a way to kiss and make up, so to speak.

So Dean chugged the rest of his drink, hoping a little liquid courage would pull him through. He wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve and walked over to where Cas was sitting.

“Hey. I’m glad you decided to come.” 

Cas said nothing, choosing instead to stare at the inside of his cup.

“Okay,” Dean shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, “so I’m getting the silent treatment. That’s cool.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Because I was under the impression that you no longer thought I existed.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Really?”

“Yes, really. You didn’t answer me for the whole day. I didn’t know if you were ok or if something happened to you, and then I found out that you were hanging with your new friends?” Cas looked down, fidgeting with the lip of the cup. In a quiet voice he continued, “It hurt.” 

Dean took a moment to take in what his friend was saying. By no means was that ever his intention, he had just lost track of time.

“Look, I’m sorry that I ignored you. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t want to talk to you, or if I made you worry. I didn’t mean to. You’re my best friend, and I’ll do my best to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”

Cas pursed his lips and squinted his eyes as he thought it over. He raised his right hand, fingers curled into a fist, and for a second Dean thought he was getting ready to hit him, but Cas simply extended one finger.

“Pinky promise?” 

Dean stared. “Are you serious?” 

“As a heart attack. Pinky promises are sacred, so, either you’re sincere in your apology or you’re not.” Cas pushed his hand toward Dean for emphasis.

Even though he thought it was stupid, Dean linked his pinky finger with Cas’s. If it meant something to Cas, then it meant something to him.

“Pinky promise.” 

Cas smiled, “Okay I forgive you.” 

“Great, so can I get you a refill or some pizza?” 

“A refill would be good.”

“What’s your poison?”

“Coke.”

“I know it’s a party, but I don’t think there’s any hard drugs here tonight.” 

Cas dramatically rolled his eyes, “Coca Cola, wise ass.”

Dean went over to the picnic table and poured Cas a cup of soda. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took a seat next to his friend. Cas eyed him as he poured the alcohol into his own cup. 

“You know what?” Cas asked, holding out his cup, “Maybe one shot won’t hurt.” 

“Ooo, what a rebel.” Dean joked as he poured some of the whiskey into Cas’s cup. 

Cas took a sip, the bitter, hot flavor of whiskey tainting his syrupy sweet soda. He forced a swallow, gagging slightly before sticking his tongue out in disgust. “You like that?”

“It’s an acquired taste,” Dean laughed, taking a sip of his own drink.

“It tastes like chemicals.” 

Dean didn’t mind the taste of alcohol, but then again he’d probably drank a lot more of it than Cas had in his lifetime. 

“Let me get you a fresh drink. No alcohol this time.” 

“Thanks.” 

Dean poured the liquid in the grass then went back to the picnic table to get Cas a new drink. Charlie ran up to him, excited for an update.

“So, I take it things are going well between you two.” 

“Yeah, he accepted my apology and we’re cool.”

“Sweet. So, are you gonna make a move?”

Dean nearly dropped the soda bottle, his hands fumbling to keep it on the table. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Cas?” She stared at him, expecting something to click. “Come on, you blush when you’re around him, you spend a ton of time together, he’s the only guy you seem to talk about lately. I’m no expert, but I know a crush when I see one.”

“Listen, you’re the only one who knows I’m bi. I haven’t told Cas, and I don’t think I’m ready for everyone else to know either. Not yet. And I don’t want to risk making things weird between me and Cas.” It wasn’t that Dean had a problem with his sexuality, but he knew that plenty of people in town would. Now wasn’t the right time to come out. Maybe once he got to college and could feel things out, but for now, it seemed better to keep things low key. 

Charlie looked at Dean, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. “What if there was a way where you could explore that side of yourself without it being a big deal?” 

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“Stay here, I have an idea.”

Charlie ran to the garage and came back with a large piece of cardboard. She grabbed an empty beer bottle from the table then set the cardboard on the ground. 

“Okay everyone,” she clapped her hands to get their attention. “Grab your chairs and gather ‘round, we are going to play spin the bottle!”

Dean looked at her with wide eyes. Spin the bottle? Really? Out of all the dumb ideas Charlie could’ve come up with, she picked the option where his mouth could potentially be on the mouth of his best friend? Even more awkward, he could end up kissing one of his coworkers, and that could lead to some uncomfortable shifts in the future. 

“Spin the bottle? What are we, seven?” Dean asked through gritted teeth.

“What, are you prude?” Charlie retorted.

He most certainly was not. He was caught off guard is all. But as he looked around, everyone seemed ok with it. Guess there was no turning back.

Everyone sat around the cardboard piece as Charlie sat the bottle in the center. 

“Okay, who wants to go first?” Charlie asked, joining the circle.

“It was your idea, so have at it.” Dean slouched in his chair, overly defensive considering the situation, but in all fairness, he was terrified. He didn’t want to admit that he had a crush on Cas. He preferred to think of what they had as a strong connection. A more profound bond, if you will, than he had with his other friends. They were close. And maybe, somewhere deep down, he’d like to be closer, but that was unexplored terrain. Cas was one of the best things that ever happened to him, and what if all of that got ruined? Hell, he didn’t even know what Cas’s sexual orientation was. They never had the discussion. This was a bad idea.

As Dean’s mind continued to race, Charlie leaned forward and spun the bottle. Around and around it went, all the while hoping it would land on one person in particular. It slowed and finally it stopped. 

It landed on Kevin.

They both looked at each other like they were waiting for the other one to back out, but surely enough, they both leaned in and they kissed. It was just a quick peck, but everyone cheered and whooped. 

Kevin was up next. He spun, and as the bottle came to a halt, he was filled with disappointment.

“Meg!” He exclaimed. “I have to kiss Meg?”

“Oh, come on lover boy, I won’t bite.”

Kevin cautiously walked over to her, leaning in as slowly as he possibly could. It was only about a 2 second kiss, but it was worth a lifetime of weird feelings.

“It’s like kissing my sister,” Kevin exclaimed.

“Ouch.” Meg placed her hand over her heart, in a display of faux hurt. She leaned down and grabbed the glass bottle, spinning it with a quick flick of her wrist.

Everyone waited in anticipation as the bottle spun around. Finally, it stopped. The tip pointed at the boy sitting cross-legged in his chair.

Meg stood up, adjusting her leather jacket. She walked over to the boy, who sat there looking absolutely mortified. “I don’t believe we’ve properly met. I’m Meg.”

The boy gulped. “I’m Castiel. But you can call me Cas. It’s nice to meet you-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Meg’s mouth was on his. It felt too harsh, but her lips were soft. She tasted like whatever was in her cup. Tequila, Cas suspected. As Meg pulled away, her lipstick smeared against Cas’s lips.

“You’re cute, Cas,” she said, wiping the red pigment from his face with her thumb before rejoining the circle.

“Um, th-thanks?” Cas stuttered, confused and feeling out of place.

Dean could feel his heart racing, his fist clenched at his side. There was something about seeing Meg kiss Cas that infuriated him. He didn’t know why. Maybe he was being over protective. Maybe he didn’t like the idea of his best friend and a co-worker making out in front of him. Maybe there was only one person in the circle he wanted Cas to kiss. 

His theory was about to be tested as Cas reached down to spin the bottle. Dean tried to bury the little spark of hope that flared up inside him, but it was useless. He wanted to be the one the bottle landed on. He wanted to be the one that kissed Cas. He wanted it so bad that it scared him.

And then it happened.

The bottle stopped spinning and it was pointed right at him. This was really happening. It wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t wishful thinking, the boy that he absolutely had a crush on was about to kiss him. 

Dean looked up and locked eyes with Cas, the nearby fire casting him in its warm glow. Meg was right, he was cute. They stood up to meet each other in the middle of the circle. He was praying Cas couldn’t tell how nervous he was because his breathing was definitely out of whack, and he was sweating. 

“So, uh... you come here often?” Dean smirked, trying to cover his nerves with a joke. 

“Oh, just kiss already!” Charlie shouted.

“Here goes nothing.” Dean leaned in, closing his eyes, feeling the cool brush of breeze against his face, then right as he went to go in for the kiss, he heard Cas scream.

He opened his eyes, and saw the flames rising from Cas’s arm.

“Shit man, you’re on fire!” Garth yelled. 

The wind had swept up some embers from the fire and set Cas’s coat ablaze. He was screaming, Dean was screaming, suddenly everyone was screaming. They tossed their drinks on him, but it didn’t help.

Benny shouted, “Stop, drop and roll!” 

Cas collapsed to the ground, rolling around in the dirt, as Dean forcefully beat his arm in an attempt to extinguish and remaining flames.

Dean sat back on his heels, trying to catch his breath as Cas stood up. He was covered in mud and leaves, he was damp, and the sleeve of his jacket was singed. 

“Are you okay? Should we take you to a hospital?” Dorothy asked. 

“No, I’m fine. It barely ate through the fabric.” Cas tried to dust himself off, but he was covered, head to toe, in grime. 

“Alright guys, sorry to spoil the fun, but I think I’m gonna have to call it a night.”

“No, don’t make everyone go home because of me.” 

“Cas, you were just on fire. I’m gonna get you cleaned up and make sure you’re okay.”

“I already said I’m fine.”

“It’s not up for debate.” Dean pursed his lips and cocked his eyebrow. Cas simply sighed in agreement. “Thank you all for coming over. Hopefully we can do it again sometime, but with less arson.” 

Everyone made their way out, and Dean grabbed the garden hose to douse the fire. 

“I could clean you up now, if you want to save time?” Dean asked, playfully spraying Cas with the hose. 

“Dean!” Cas’s expression dropped to stoic anger as Dean fought not to laugh. He lost. 

“Alright, let’s get you inside.”

Dean lead Cas to his bedroom, sitting him down in a wooden chair near his light. He had Cas take off his jacket so he could assess whatever injuries the fire may have caused. It didn’t look bad. Mostly some redness, no blistering. 

“Be right back.” 

Dean grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom and headed back. He poured some rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and rubbed it gently over Cas’s arm. 

“That ok?” Dean asked, dabbing as gently as he could over the inflamed skin.

Cas nodded.

“Alright. You hop in the shower, get cleaned up, and I’ll find you some clothes you can wear.” They were similar in size, though Dean was a bit taller. They tended not to share clothes because they had very different styles, but given the circumstances, style probably wouldn’t be Cas’s biggest concern.

“Actually, before you do that,” Dean pulled his phone from his pocket, “Selfie time!”

Cas was not amused. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, so you can take a picture of me, freshly dredged out of a swamp, but I can’t take a picture of you post-barbecue?” He waited for an answer, but Cas just let out a defeated sigh. “Smile!”

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, and snapped the picture. It made him feel better knowing that they both had disgusting pictures with hilarious backstories. At the rate they were going, the scrapbook was going to be a compilation of two friends slowly approaching their death. 

Dean handed Cas a towel and a washcloth and sent him on his way. The bathroom was just outside Dean’s room so he could hear the water turn on and Cas humming something quietly to himself. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. Then Cas started singing the actual words, and Dean realized he was singing “Can’t Help Falling In Love.”

For a moment, Dean stood outside the door, listening to Cas sing. He knew it was dumb, but he imagined that Cas was singing it to him. He loved his voice.

The water shut off, and Dean ran back in his room. He rummaged through his drawers, finding a worn band tee and a pair of sweatpants. That would do. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too big.

He knocked on the bathroom door. “Cas, I set out some clothes for you on my bed. I can throw yours in the wash if you want?”

“Ok!” Cas cracked the door so he could hand the muddied clothes to Dean.

Dean headed down the hall to the laundry room. There was still a load sitting in there that no doubt Dean was supposed to have taken care of by now. Good thing he checked because John would wake him up at the crack of dawn to take care of it. He switched the loads over and brought the laundry to his room to fold later.

When he got there, he found Cas sitting on his bed, wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants. Damn. He really didn’t think this through. Put the boy you have a crush on in your clothes. Perfect plan. 

“So, how do I look?” Cas smiled that adorable half smile he does when he’s unsure.

There were what felt like a thousand feelings bombarding him in that moment. He was trying to remember words. Nothing was coming out of his mouth, and Cas was looking at him expectantly.

“You um… my shirt fits you well.” 

“You think?” Cas did the puppy dog head tilt, and Dean wasn’t sure if he could handle it. “I would never wear something like this. It’s totally out of my element.” 

“No. It looks really good.” Dean realized he was staring and jolted himself back into reality. “We have to put some aloe vera on that arm. It’ll help with the irritation.” 

Dean grabbed a small bottle from the first aid kit, motioning for Cas to come sit back in the chair. Dean knelt down, carefully rolling Cas’s sleeve so it sat at the top of his shoulder. He cradled his arm gently in one hand, Cas’s skin still warm from the shower, and with the other rubbed the soothing cream into his friend’s skin. Dean’s hands were shaking, and he hoped Cas wouldn’t notice.

“That feel better?”

“Much.”

Dean looked up and Cas was smiling down at him, his light haloing his head in a warm glow. There was something else there. Or maybe Dean was seeing things. He couldn’t tell.

“What?” He searched Cas’s face for some kind of sign.

“Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of green.” 

This time Dean could see exactly how Cas was looking at him. Like he was something to behold. Like he was beautiful. He should have been flattered, but the thought of Cas liking him in that way suddenly seemed ridiculous. Cas was probably giving him an honest compliment and whatever subtext may have been there went right over his head.

“How much did you have to drink tonight?” Dean looked down at the floor, chuckling. 

“Only that one sip of what you poured me, but that’s not the point. It’s just…” Cas placed his hand on Dean’s cheek. Turns out he was shaking too. “Maybe I’m a little disappointed that we…” 

He trailed off, looking down, his cheeks flushing a light pink.

“That we what?” Dean was searching his eyes for some kind of sign that he was reading this correctly. He felt like he had a pretty good idea about where Cas was heading with this, but he wouldn’t know until Cas said something. His heart was ready to burst as he waited for an answer. 

“That we didn’t get to kiss.” Cas’s eyes shifted down, staring at Dean’s lips. 

There was a pull, but neither of them wanted to make the first move. It was terrifying. It was exciting. Everything Dean had wanted was right in front of him, and all he had to do was lean forward. 

He could feel Cas’s breath, warm in the space between them. He was a conflicting mess of panic and desire. He focused on Cas’s chest, rising and falling with each labored breath. He felt dizzy and his hands were sweating. He had to make a move. 

Dean took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and leaned in. He barely moved forward when there was a knock on the door. 

“Dean!” It was Sam. Of course it was Sam. “Eileen needs a blanket, did you take the ones out of the dryer?” 

Dean let out a defeated sigh. He was so close. 

“Yes, Sam. One second.” He begrudgingly grabbed a blanket from the basket he brought in earlier and opened the door. He shoved the blanket into Sam’s arms, “Here you go. Goodnight.”

He slammed the door shut, huffing and shaking his head.

“I guess it is getting pretty late,” Cas said.

Dean pulled out his phone and checked the time. It was already 10pm.

“Shit. My dad will probably be home soon and I still have to clean up the backyard.” 

“Do you want some help?”

“No. You’ve been through enough today as it is, and I don’t want you here if John’s in one of his moods. It’d probably be best for you to go home.” Dean would be lying if he said it didn’t punch him in the gut to see the look of hurt that washed over Cas’s face.

“Is it ok if I borrow the outfit?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I set you on fire then made you drive home naked, now would I?”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Cas laughed. “Though it’s a little unfair to say that you set me on fire. It was more mother nature’s doing.” 

“You got me there.”

Dean walked Cas to the front door, promising to have his clothes washed and folded before he went into work the next day. Not that it did the jacket much good. Cas would probably have to buy a new one. 

As Cas hopped in his car, Dean shouted for him to text him when he got home. Cas shot him a thumbs up, then drove off.

Despite his feelings of dread, Dean headed into the backyard, which was littered with cups, bags, and plates. If he hurried, he’d be able to get it done before John got home. He grabbed a trash bag and filled it as quickly as possible, he folded all the chairs and stored them back in the garage, then he grabbed the leftover pizza and put that in the fridge. Hopefully that would suffice as dinner, because Dean didn’t cook.

The clock over the stove read 10:25 by the time he was done. 

“Five minutes to spare!” Dean gave himself a congratulatory punch on the shoulder before heading to his room.

He fell backwards on his bed, happy to have avoided the wrath of John Winchester, at least for one night. He checked his phone and saw a notification from Cas. 

**  
CN: Home Safe! Goodnight!   
  
**

Attached to the text was a picture of Cas in a cat ear Snapchat filter, blowing a kiss. He looked super cute for no reason.

Dean felt a disgusting warmth spread through his chest, and a smile widen below his blushing cheeks. He had a full blown crush, and he hated it. But whatever, he felt like he was flying so he decided to embrace it.

As he typed out his response, his thumb hovered over the heart emoji, debating whether or not that would be coming on too strong. He didn’t have much experience flirting with boys, so this was all new territory. He decided to go with the less than three, because that felt more casual, but still conveyed the message of “Hey, I think I _ like you _, like you.”

  
_DW: Night <3_   
  


It was weird to feel all ooey and gooey over someone, but as he saved the image to his phone, he couldn’t help but feel excited to see where things were headed with his best friend. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Binge-eating related to a food eating contest.

The following morning, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, it was a beautiful summer Sunday. Cas’s eyes fluttered open. He didn’t want to wake up yet, so he just laid there, surrounded by the warmth of his blanket. His thoughts played back moments from last night. The bonfire, the gross drink, him catching on fire.

Cas shot up, his eyes wide, as the rest of the evening’s events came flooding back to him. The moment in Dean’s room, him staring into those beautiful green eyes, their almost-kiss. 

Oh God. How could he have been so stupid? He let his feelings get the best of him, and now he’s probably ruined the only friendship he’s made since he moved into town. He doesn’t know what came over him. Maybe it was the lighting or the fact that Dean was taking care of him, but Cas was sure that there was no way Dean would have even entertained the idea of kissing Cas if he hadn’t been drinking. 

That’s what it was. Dean had been drinking, and he always gets a little extra flirty after a couple drinks. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was Charlie, or Meg, or Benny, Dean probably would have still responded the same way. Right? 

The more he sat and thought about it, the more conflicting his opinions on the situation became. Dean seemed to be reciprocating his feelings. He leaned in to kiss him. That had to mean something, didn’t it? 

Cas picked up his phone, knowing that he needed to see Dean as soon as possible so they could discuss what happened. He had to tell him the truth. 

**  
CW: Hey, would you be up for brunch today? **

  
Food would ease the awkwardness of the situation, or so Cas hoped. 

He couldn’t help but cringe at the last picture he sent Dean. It seemed like a cute idea at the time, but as he looked at the stupid filter and the kissy face, he was filled with dread.

__  
DW: Hell yeah! You wanna go to Ellen’s? We could do the pancake challenge and check another thing off our list?  
  


Cas was given a boost of hope. Dean seemed to be in a good mood, so maybe things would be okay between them.

**  
CW: Absolutely! Meet you there in 20?**

_   
DW: See ya then! _

Cas got there a few minutes early, his nerves causing him to get dressed in record speed. He got a booth near the window, so he wouldn’t feel too claustrophobic if things went south. 

“Just you today, or should we be expecting your lesser half?” Jo was a waitress at Ellen’s, and also Ellen’s daughter. She and Dean had a hate/love relationship, kinda like siblings do. She loved to poke fun at Dean any chance she got. 

“Yeah, Dean’s coming.” 

“I’ll have to run back and tell my mom. She’ll be glad to see him.” She pulled out her notepad and a pen. “Could I get you anything to drink while you wait?”

“Coffee, black, would be great, thanks.” 

“You got it!” Jo ran behind the counter to fetch the coffee pot and a mug. She went back to the table and poured it fresh. “Be careful, it’s hot.” 

Cas waited for the drink to cool down a bit, switching between looking out the window for Dean and checking social media. After about 5 minutes, he saw the Impala pull up out front, and the familiar flannel-clad figure hop out the driver’s seat. 

“Hey man! Hope you didn’t order without me,” Dean said, taking a seat in the booth across from Cas. 

“Nope,” Cas grinned, taking a sip of his coffee. “But Jo is waiting on us, so be prepared for her usual musings.”

“Uhh,” Dean scrunched his face up in disgust, “is that black coffee?”

“It’s good.”

“You don’t like the taste of alcohol, but you enjoy the bitter taste of unsweetened bean juice?” 

“I won’t apologize for preferring the robust flavor of a Colombian roast to that of absolute poison, aged in a wooden barrel.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Whatever, dude.”

There was a brief moment of silence between them as they looked over the menu. It was more a force of habit than anything else as they both knew what they were going to order. Cas picked at his fingernails, trying to figure out how he could bring up the subject of last night. Should he wait until they got their food? Should he wait until after? Would it be best to just pull the band-aid off and get it over with now? He decided to go with the latter. 

“So, I was wondering if we could-”

“Dean Winchester! Is that you?” A middle aged woman with brown hair and a frayed apron scuffled over to the table, giving Dean a hug. “I haven’t seen you in months!” 

“Yeah, figured I was about due for a visit. How you been Ellen?”

“I’ve been good. Wish business was a little better, but we’re getting by. What about you?”

“Doing good. Got a job at the movie theater, and planning for college in the fall.” 

“I’m so proud of you,” Ellen said, giving Dean a “way to go” punch to the shoulder. 

There was a crash somewhere in the back that sounded like a bunch of plates smashing on the ground. Ellen closed her eyes, sighing.

“One day. All I want is one day where things go smoothly, and I don’t have to clean up somebody’s mess. I’ll catch up with you later. You boys enjoy your meal.”

Ellen scurried off to the back of house. You could faintly hear two people arguing behind the doors, followed by a disgruntled employee taking out a couple trash bags.

“So, what were you wondering?” Dean asked, turning his attention to Cas.

Okay. This was another opportunity being presented to him. He had two roads he could go down, both of which could end in disaster. 

“I was wondering if… um…” His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. He tried to say something, anything, but he couldn’t seem to formulate a sentence. Then he looked at Dean, who was staring at him with expectant eyes, waiting for some type of answer.

He couldn’t do it. 

“If we could do the pancake challenge. I didn’t know if you were still up for that or not.” Cas exhaled a shaky breath. Maybe after he got some food in his stomach he’d be able to confront the situation.

“Absolutely!” 

Dean turned to wave down Jo, who reluctantly came to take their order. She asked them three times if they wanted to get a regular meal instead, because The Pancake Challenge wasn’t for the faint of heart. 

“Nope. We’re here to slaughter some short-stacks, so tell your mom to get the griddle hot, ‘cause we’re taking the challenge.” Dean gathered the menus and handed them to Jo.

Cas was a little nervous, he had to admit. He wasn’t used to eating so much food at one time, and he also didn’t want to disappoint Dean. Plus, his stomach was already in knots, he was scared he’d puke three bites in. 

He also became aware that people would be watching him, and that there would be nothing attractive about how either of them were going to eat these pancakes.

“Okay,” Dean leaned forward, lacing his fingers, “so we need to go into this with some kind of strategy.” 

The Pancake Challenge states that if 2 people can eat 10 pancakes in 5 minutes, the meal is free, they receive a coupon for a free slice of pie, and they get their names on the “Ellen’s Diner Cork Board Of Fame.” 

It was a deceptively simple challenge. It never seemed that difficult, but the pancakes were nearly the size of the plate they were served on. Your stomach gets full of the cakey goodness, and you have to push past the impending food coma that’s making you want to pass out, or you’re paying the full $19.99 and you don’t get the pie. Dean cared a lot about getting the free pie.

Over the past year, Dean and Cas had watched many people attempt the challenge, and most failed, many had won, but nearly all of them looked like they wanted to throw up at the end. 

“I did the math.” Cas pulled up the notes app on his phone. “It’s roughly one minute per pancake if we each go for five. But based on our past pancake eating experience, the amount of time it takes to eat one pancake slows down after we’re about 2 pancakes in. So, if we want to finish, we need to eat the first pancake in 30 seconds or less. That way, we’d have roughly a whole minute for pancakes 2-4, and about a minute and a half for pancake 5. Meaning you want to eat roughly 1⁄4 every 15 seconds.” 

Dean looked at Cas with a blank stare, “You figured all that out?”

“I had some spare time.”

Ellen and Jo delivered the pancakes to the table themselves. Jo was more excited to watch Dean fail than anything else.

“You boys sure you’re up for this?” Ellen said, setting a plate in front of Cas.

“Haven’t eaten anything all day Miss Harvelle.”

“Please, Castiel. What did I tell you about that. Call me Ellen. Miss Harvelle makes me sound like an old woman.” 

“Right, sorry.” Cas grabbed his fork, peering at the mountain of golden brown carbs he was about to scarf down. 

“I say bring it on!” Dean tucked a napkin into the collar of his shirt. “We’re two young men, we can handle a couple stacks of pancakes.”

“Oh wait!” Cas quickly pulled his phone from his pocket. “Gotta get the before shot for the scrapbook.” 

“Ok, you take one of me, and at the same time I’ll take one of you, that way we can do a before and after for both of us,” Dean said, pulling out his phone as well. 

Both boys made sure to get the full stack of pancakes, as well as the excited face of their counterpart, in the photo. 

“You know, most people just eat their food instead of taking pictures of it,” Jo snidely commented. 

“Yeah, well most people ain’t us. And in the same vein, unlike most people, we’re about to win this challenge.” 

“Alright Jo, take your place. I wish you boys luck.” Ellen set a timer for five minutes on her phone. “On your mark, get set, go!” 

Jo rang the cowbell, and the boys were off.

Dean managed to eat his first pancake in 25 seconds. It was not pretty. He rolled it up and ate it like a hot dog, taking a couple sips of water to wash it down. Cas chose the fork and knife method, cutting up smaller pieces that he could eat quickly. He finished his first pancake in 31 seconds. 

They both went in on the rest of the stack, Ellen announcing as each minute elapsed. The pressure kicked in as there was only a minute left and Dean still had 1/2 of a pancake left and Cas still had a whole one.

“We can do this. Let’s go!” Dean said encouragingly through a stuffed mouth.

“I can’t do it, Dean. It’s too much. I’m not strong enough. You gotta go on without me.” Cas looked like he was on the verge of dying. He was sweating and there was syrup smeared across his cheeks. 

“No. We’ve already come this far, you’re not quitting on me now.” Dean cut Cas’s pancake in half, putting half on his plate. “There. You just have to eat that half, and I’ll worry about the rest.” 

Time was running out. Dean placed the two halves on top of each other and ate them like a sandwich. His throat was so dry, but he was determined to win. Cas took Dean’s lead and folded his half in half. There was some psychological boost in the visual illusion of having to eat less that helped Cas pull through.

“20 seconds left!” Ellen shouted.

Both boys were chewing as fast as they could, taking sips of water intermittently. The crowd cheered them on as they reached the final stretch.

Everyone in the diner yelled the final countdown like it was New Years, “10, 9, 8!”

They were so close, only a couple bites left.

“7, 6, 5!”

They just had to get it down, and they’d win.

“4, 3, 2, 1, 0!”

Ellen’s phone sounded its alarm and Dean threw his hands up, looking down at his plate. Cas finished swallowing and stuck out his tongue.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Ellen began, inspecting both plates. “We have a winner!” 

The diner erupted in cheers and applause. Dean leaned over and gave Cas a high five. He would’ve gotten up and gave him a hug, but he was afraid if he moved more than a couple inches the pancakes would make a surprise re-appearance. 

They had won, but at what cost, Cas thought as he slouched against the back of the booth, unbuttoning his jeans. He couldn’t stand the smell of syrup, so he called Jo over to take their plates. 

“Ellen, could you take a picture of us?” Dean asked, handing her his phone.

“Sure!” She focused the camera so both the boys were in the shot. “Say cheese!”

Dean smiled, giving a double thumbs up. Cas flashed a too-wide smile in an attempt to cover up the agony he was in. It didn’t work. You could still see the pain in his eyes, but that’s what made it such a great “After” photo.

“I never want to see a pancake again,” Dean said.

“Shh. Just the thought makes me want to throw up.”

“I understand why everyone looks so terrible after they do this. It’s only 10 pan-” Dean stopped, choosing to change his words for the sake of his friend, “It didn’t seem like it would be this hard.”

“Let’s talk about anything else. Please,” Cas groaned, placing his head into his hands.

There was a moment of silence, Dean’s lips moved ever so slightly, as if he was practicing what he was going to say.

“So, about last night.” Dean noticed the uncomfortable look that spread across Cas’s face as he lifted his head. “Someone had to bring it up.”

“That was one hell of a segue, but I guess there was no avoiding it.” Cas picked up a straw wrapper and started folding it into an accordion pattern.

“I don’t even know where to start. That whole thing was-”

“A mistake.” Cas cut Dean off, hoping if he could get the first word in, it would save them both some embarrassment and maybe he could salvage their friendship. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It must’ve been all the adrenaline from being set on fire, it clouded my judgment. I never would have done something like that under normal circumstances.” That was a lie. Cas would have done the exact same thing if given the chance to do so, but he didn’t want to lose his best friend, so he had to apologize that entire night away.

Dean tried his best to keep his expression neutral, but Cas could see there was something upsetting him.

“Right.” Dean let out a forced laugh. “I had been drinking, we both were shaken up, it was nothing.” 

“Absolutely.”

Silence fell heavy between them, neither one knowing what else to say. Had Cas made a mistake? He was expecting Dean to be relieved, happy even, but instead he seemed on edge.

As if she could sense the tension that needed to be broken, Ellen came over with their coupons for the free pie. She smiled sweetly, telling them not to be strangers and to stop by more often, she was always glad to see them. 

“I’m gonna run to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” Dean said, swiveling out of the booth and heading to the restrooms. 

Cas folded his arms and dropped his forehead against his wrist. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, remembering the tips from his meditation. Inhale positivity, exhale negativity. He was beginning to calm down, when the table started vibrating. 

He lifted his head and saw the screen on Dean’s phone light up. It vibrated again, and again, and again.

Worried that there might be an emergency at home, or that Sam might need something, Cas picked up the phone and read the notifications. They were all texts from Charlie.

**  
CB: How are things with Angel???**

**CB: Come on don’t leave me hanging.**

**CB: Are you gonna ask them out or what???**

**CB: <3 :P  
  
**

Cas felt a tugging pain in his chest. The proof that he was right was staring him in the face. He knew Dean didn’t like him like that, but he wasn’t prepared for him to like someone else. As long as they’ve known each other, Dean had only dated one person. Her name was Cassie, and Dean was quite taken with her, but things didn’t work out and they broke up a month into their senior year. It made sense that he would eventually find someone else, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

When Dean came back to the table, Cas was quick to ask questions.

“So, who’s Angel?”

Dean looked taken aback. “Um… no one.”

Cas held up Dean’s phone, showing him his missed text notifications. “Then why does Charlie want to know if you’re going to ask them out?” 

“Why were you looking at my phone?” Dean snatched his phone from Cas’s hands, reading the messages. 

“Because it was going off like crazy, I thought it might have been something important.”

“I was coming right back.”

“Well, excuse me for being concerned.”

Dean took a moment to reply to Charlie. He slipped the phone into his pocket, looking up to see Cas staring at him with his arms crossed.

“What?”

“Are you going to tell me who that is?”

“It’s no big deal,” Dean stammered. “Angel is just…”

“Is just?” 

Dean paused, turning his eyes to the ceiling as if trying to recall the information. “This girl that I met a while ago. We hung out a few times, nothing serious. Charlie thinks I should go for it.” 

“Oh.” A wave of nausea came over Cas. His smile faded and he could taste the bile creeping up his throat.  He was living a nightmare. “Why haven’t you mentioned her to me before?” 

“I didn’t think you needed to know.” 

“We’re best friends.” Cas was hurt. He and Dean always told each other everything. Even their secrets. That’s the kind of relationship they had. He didn’t understand the sudden change.

“It was just easier to talk to Charlie, okay?” 

“Why?”

“Can you please drop it, Cas? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t want to talk about it, or you don’t want to talk to me about it?”

Cas waited for a response, but Dean sat in silence, staring down at the red and white checkered tablecloth.

“Got it.” Cas stood up and stormed towards the exit.

“Cas, wait!” Dean called after him, but it was too late.

Cas got in his minivan, slammed the door, and peeled out onto the highway.

Dean pulled out his phone and opened up the conversation he was having with Charlie. He sent her another message before heading out of the diner.   
  


_ DW: Congrats, you ruined my life. _


	7. Chapter 7

Dean ignored his phone the entire ride home, even though it was buzzing nearly every minute. He knew it was Charlie, but he didn’t want to deal with her right now. He didn’t want to deal with anything. 

He pulled into his driveway, and rested his head on the steering wheel. Everything had been going so right, and in one afternoon it all fell to pieces. He could’ve swore Cas felt the same way he did. He caressed his cheek and said his eyes were beautiful. They almost kissed. How was any of that a mistake?

Then again, it did seem too good to be true. Cas was a good guy. He couldn’t fall for someone like Dean. Cas deserved someone better. Someone from a well off family, destined to go to an Ivy League school and become some renowned philanthropist, not someone who had to work at a movie theater to afford state college tuition. 

Dean turned the car off and went inside. Luckily, John was still asleep and Sam was out at the park with his friends, meaning Dean would have a peaceful, quiet house all to himself.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and kicked back on the couch. He turned the TV on, but kept it on mute. John wasn’t a light sleeper, but Dean didn’t want to risk waking him. 

He pulled out his phone and saw the missed calls and unopened texts from Charlie. He ignored them and instead chose to open up his message thread with Cas. 

Some part of him hoped that Cas would send him a message and want to talk things out, and maybe that would happen sometime in the future, but in the meantime, all Dean had was their past conversations. 

Dean scrolled up to the picture Cas sent. Dean was beyond confused. Why the hell would Cas send a picture of himself blowing a kiss to him if he didn’t have feelings for him? Why would he say that he had pretty eyes and that he was disappointed that they didn’t get to kiss? People aren’t disappointed when they don’t get to kiss people they don’t like. It had to mean something.

Dean downed the rest of the beer before getting up to check the cupboards for his Dad’s stash. He found some bottom shelf vodka, and figured that would be his best bet. It was cheap, and John wouldn’t miss it much if Dean snuck some. 

He poured himself a shot and tossed it back, immediately regretting not having a chaser. Part of him didn’t mind. The slow burn down his esophagus was a welcomed distraction from the barrage of thoughts running through his head. 

It was a stupid crush. A stupid, unreciprocated crush. And because he couldn’t tell Cas about it, he had, yet again, upset his best friend. 

He finally pulled out his phone and read through Charlie’s texts. Most of them were asking what happened and what she had done. He listened to the two voicemails she left him, begging him to call her so that they could talk. Dean knew that he overreacted and that it wasn’t really Charlie’s fault. He felt bad for having left her in the dark all morning, so he called her.

“Dude, what the hell?” Charlie was livid, and rightfully so. “I call and text you all day because I apparently ruined your life and you have the common courtesy to ignore me? Are you trying to make all your friends pissed off with you this week?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just… things with Cas kinda blew up in my face.” 

“What happened?” 

“I went to the bathroom and he saw your texts.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah, then he asked who Angel was, and I couldn’t exactly tell him the truth, so I told him that Angel was this girl I’ve been interested in.”

“You what?” Charlie exclaimed, nearly choking on her soda.

“I panicked! He had just told me that our almost kiss that night at the party was a mistake, I figured it wouldn’t matter if I had an imaginary girlfriend.”

Dean could practically hear Charlie dropping her head into her hand. “Ok, so why did he get upset?”

“Because I didn’t tell him about her, and best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.”

“Well, I gotta hand it to you Dean, you really have a knack for getting yourself into completely unnecessary situations.”

“Tell me about it.” Dean screwed the cap back on the vodka and put it back in the cupboard.

“Well, if I was him, I’d be pretty upset. First you ignored him because you were busy with your new friends, and now you’re keeping secrets from him. It does kinda seem like you’re drifting apart.”

“That’s not what I want. Cas is my best friend and I’d do anything to keep him in my life.”

“Well, you better find a way to make it up to him. And speaking of making up, I expect a jumbo cherry icee from the Gas N’ Sip delivered to my house no later than 5pm today. ‘Cause not only were you a jerk, but I didn’t get to kiss any girls at the party.” 

“That wasn’t my fault, Cas was on fire!”

“Yes, and you can send him my condolences, but I’m still in mourning over my lost chance to make out with Dorothy.” 

“Alright, I’ll send you a text when I’m on my way.”

Dean hung up the phone and immediately began brainstorming ways he could fix things between him and Cas. He couldn’t just say he was sorry, that wouldn’t work this time. He had to do something to show Cas that he still cared about him.

He made a list of all the things that Cas liked and headed downtown to the mall. It was relatively quiet, even for a Sunday, but Dean preferred it that way. He was quick to get annoyed by slow-walking shoppers who insisted on taking up the width of the entire walkway. He stopped by Target and got an expansion pack for Cards Against Humanity. That was one of their favorite games. He stopped by Bath and Body Works in search of candles. He got two from their aromatherapy collection, and one that was PB&J scented. 

He browsed around a few other stores, almost buying one of those posters of famous movies that lets you scratch off the ones you’ve seen. It inspired him though, and he decided he would make a custom one for Cas of all their favorite movies, and the ones they still wanted to watch. It was both thoughtful, and homemade. Cas would have to forgive him.

Instead of making a scratch off board, he figured he could make a poster and then they could cross off the movies as they go. Still fun, but something within his realm of artistic skill. He made a quick stop at a craft store and then headed home to get started on his little project. 

On the drive back, Dean brought Charlie her icee. She was thankful, and decided he was worthy of her forgiveness. 

As he headed home, he remembered that they don’t own a printer, so he stopped by the library to print out the cover art for each movie. It took longer than he anticipated, as he had compiled a list of 50 movies, but he knew the hard work would pay off when he finally got to give the gift to Cas.

Once home, he locked himself in his room and got to work. He cut out each of the little squares, which took him an hour to format correctly, and placed them in a pile on his bedside table. On the poster board, he traced an outline of where each one would be placed, using a ruler to make sure there was enough room to write the titles. 

He grabbed a glue stick and started to paste each of the pictures on the board. It was going well until it came time to title them. Most of the titles fit, but he forgot that some were longer than others, and even with the tiniest font his fingers could muster, some of them ended up curving down the side of their respective cover art. In particular, “Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events,” and the first Harry Potter film. Dean quickly realized he could make it fit if he abbreviated it to “H.P. & …” 

When he was done, he held it up, and he wasn’t going to lie to himself, it was a little wonky. Some of the pictures were crooked and he smeared the ink a couple times, but it was the thought that counted, right? 

An idea struck him as he looked at the board. He should wrap it up like a big present! He went to the hallway closet and found some left over wrapping paper from Sam’s birthday. It was just enough to fit around the board. He decorated strips of scrap paper using some markers he found in his drawer, then looped them together to create a makeshift bow. He taped it to the front of the present, feeling proud of his work. 

Sitting down on his bed, Dean grabbed the wicker basket he bought from the craft store and began to assemble a gift basket. He placed the candles in first, followed by the card game, then on top of that he placed a bag of chocolate chip cookies which he bought from a local bakery. Dean chewed his lip, looking at the asymmetrical basket. It was missing something. 

Looking over the other gifts, Dean knew what he could add. He made his way to the kitchen, pulling out bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly. He could make Cas his favorite sandwich! 

He grabbed and knife and whipped up a PB&J with extra peanut butter. He sealed it in a Ziploc bag, then placed it alongside the bag of cookies. The gift basket looked perfect. 

Dean checked the time, it was almost 5pm. Cas would most likely be home. 

_   
DW: I know you’re mad at me, but I want to tell you I’m sorry. Is it ok if I come over? _

  
There was no answer. 

  
Dean took the following 10 minutes to write out a heartfelt apology letter. He even put it in an envelope and addressed it to Cas.

He checked his phone, and still no answer. He waited 10 more minutes before figuring, screw it, he was just going to go. So he hopped back in his car and headed over to Cas’s house. 

As he pulled up, he noticed their dining room light was on. They were probably in the middle of dinner. Dean didn’t want to interrupt, but he also wanted to show Cas how sorry he was. 

Taking a deep breath, he gathered all of the gifts and made his way to the front door. He rang the doorbell and was surprised when Cas’s sister Anael answered the door. 

“Hi, Dean, how are you?” Anael smiled, leaning against the door frame. She was an ethereal person, slender and tall, face framed with flowing auburn hair. She had a classic style, a welcoming voice, and a warm personality. Dean was sure if he wasn’t so hung up on Cas, he’d have a crush on her. 

“I’m ok. Is Cas home?” Dean was full of optimism. He knew that this plan would work. 

“No, he went out. I could tell him you stopped by though?”

“Oh.” There was a tightening in Dean’s throat. He swallowed, trying to hide his obvious disappointment. “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Did you want me to take those?” She asked, pointing to the gifts in Dean’s hands.

“No. It’s kinda something I want to give him in person. Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“He didn’t say.”

“Alright.” Dean looked around awkwardly. He really put all his eggs in one basket here, and none of it was going how he imagined. “Well… let him know I stopped by.”

“Sure thing.”

Anael closed the door as Dean trudged back to the car. He put the gifts in the trunk, slamming it a little too hard. How could he be so stupid? He was so hopeful that this plan would work. He spent all day imagining that Cas would open the door, and then he’d give him the gifts, and say how sorry he was, and Cas would invite him in and they’d play Mario Kart and everything would be ok.

Maybe Cas just needed some time. If that was the case, Dean would just have to wait it out. The idea made him want to rip out his fingernails, but instead he pulled out his phone and sent Cas another text.

__  
DW: I know you’re mad at me, but I’m really, really sorry. If you need some you time, I understand, but I have a surprise for you. I tried stopping by, but your sister said you weren’t home. Please message me when you can.  
  


Dean pulled out of the driveway and headed home.


	8. Chapter 8

The room was dark. Almost all light had been blocked by the blackout curtains that were drawn shut over both windows. A random emo playlist filled the room with the melancholy sounds of Billie Eilish. Cas was wrapped up in his blanket, head buried in a pile of pillows. He didn’t want to move. The air conditioner was on full blast, turning the room into an ice box. Just how Cas wanted it. 

He never wanted to leave his room ever again. Despite the rumble in his stomach protesting those plans, he stayed curled up in the warmth and comfort of his bed. His head felt too clouded, his body felt too heavy. It was as if he was filled with cement. Even though he had napped for a couple hours already, he couldn’t shake the tiredness. He was exhausted.

As the steady pulse of his breathing filled the blanket cocoon with warm air, a faint knock came at his door. He paused, lifting his head. He held his breath, listening for another knock, unsure if there was someone there or if he hallucinated it the first time.

Another knock came followed by the voice of his sister.

“Castiel. You’ve been locked in there all day. Can I come in and talk to you?” Anael asked.

He didn’t answer her. He wasn’t sure if he had enough energy to have a conversation. When he got into a mood like this, everything seemed like the most challenging task. 

“Cas, please. I’m starting to get worried.” 

The last thing he wanted to do was upset his sister, so he gave in.

“The door is open,” Cas said, peeking his head out from beneath the blanket long enough to speak, then going right back under.

The door creaked open slowly, followed by gentle footsteps approaching the bed. Cas felt a dip in the mattress near his feet, then a hand on his shoulder.

“I take it you’ve had a rough day?” Anael said, softly running her hand up and down Cas’s arm in a soothing manner. 

“Mmm hmm.” 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Truth be told, Cas did want to talk about it, but he was sure that he was overreacting. He knew there was no reason to be so upset over a little argument with a friend, but it felt like his world was collapsing around him. Dean was pretty much his only friend. Not that he didn’t have friends from his old school, and people he’d talk to, but as far as hanging out on the regular, Dean was his only true friend. He couldn’t handle losing him.

“Dean stopped by. He was looking for you.”

Cas shot up, flinging the blankets to the side of the bed. “What did you tell him?”

Anael laughed, “Calm down, I told him you weren’t home.” 

“Good.” Cas let out a sigh of relief, clutching his chest. “The last thing I need is for him to know that I’ve been sulking in my room like some bereaved widow all day.”

“Well, you do have a flair for the dramatic.” 

“Did he say why he came over?”

“Not exactly. It looked like he had some gifts for you, but he said he wanted to give them to you himself.” 

Gifts? Dean never got him gifts unless it was Christmas or his birthday. He had to be up to something. 

“Well, that’s going to be difficult for him as I don’t plan on speaking to him for a while.” 

Cas crossed his arms, looking down at the blanket. He wasn’t one to hold grudges, mostly because he was terrible at it, but if Dean didn’t want to talk to him, then his wish shall be granted. 

“What happened between you two?” Anael turned to face him. 

“It’s dumb.”

“It can’t be that dumb if it’s got you so upset.” 

Cas tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. He knew Anael wouldn’t judge him and would try to understand where he was coming from. Maybe it would help to get an outsider’s opinion. 

“I guess Dean has some secret girl that he’s been seeing and he didn’t tell me about her.” Cas kept his focus on the ceiling, choosing to look at the cobwebs in the corner instead of making eye contact with his sister.

“Okay. And why does that have you so upset?”

“Because he’s my best friend,” Cas said, louder than he meant to. He looked down and nervously fidgeted with his fingers. “And he chose to tell his friend Charlie about it, but not me. Then I asked him about it, and he didn’t want to talk to me about it at all. He just sat there.” 

“I’m sorry, bud,” Anael said, taking Cas’s hand into her own.

“We’re supposed to be able to tell each other everything, and it feels like I’m being replaced.” 

“I know it’s hard to feel like you’re growing apart from someone you care about, but I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling you. Maybe you should talk to him and hear what he has to say.”

Anael was right. Cas did storm off before Dean had a chance to explain himself, maybe there was a good reason he told Charlie and not him. Also, he wouldn’t be in this mess if he minded his own business and didn’t snoop through Dean’s phone. 

As much as he wanted to wait it out and make Dean suffer, deep down he wasn’t that kind of person. He would much rather have his friend back than whatever it was they were doing now. 

“Ok. I’ll call him in the morning. I don’t think I could handle that conversation right now.” The idea of picking up the phone and talking to Dean made Cas want to go back to sleep. At least when he was asleep he got a break from the real world.

“Do you think you could handle baking some cookies?” Anael knew that baking always put Cas in a good mood, and that was her only goal.

A smile spread across Cas’s face. That was the happiest she had seen him all day. 

“Chocolate chip?” Cas asked, hopefully.

“Whatever flavor you want,” Anael said, grabbing Cas’s hand and leading him down to the kitchen. It wasn’t much, but at least it got him out of his bed for a little while. 

The next morning, Cas was feeling much better. A full night of sleep allowed him to clear his head and gain some perspective. He decided to break the silence and call Dean. It was an awkward mess at first, both of them trying to talk and explain things. Eventually, Cas invited him over because it would be easier to talk in person. 

And he wanted the gifts.

The doorbell rang, and Cas ran to the door, stopping before he opened it so he could compose himself. He didn’t want to seem too eager, but damn it, he missed his friend. 

Cas put on his best angry face, and opened the door. He fully planned on dragging this out, but Dean looked so cute in his plaid button up. The shade of green matched his eyes, and his hair was actually styled. He looked good, and Cas was 100% in danger. 

“Thanks for inviting me over. Told you I had a surprise.” Dean held up the basket he made and the wrapped up poster. 

“You can try to bribe me all you want, I’m still mad at you.” Cas ushered Dean in, shutting the door behind him. They headed into the kitchen, taking a seat on the tall metal stools at the island. 

“I figured just saying sorry wouldn’t be enough this time, so I found a way to show you that you are still important to me.”

Cas picked up the basket, looking through all the different things Dean had packed in there. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was super sweet. 

“I know chocolate chip cookies are your favorite, so I got you fresh ones from Maloney’s Bakery. Well, they were fresh when I got them, but I’m sure they’ll still be delicious a day later.” 

Cas held up the zip lock back, examining it. It looked like something died in there.

“That...” Dean grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck, “is what used to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Unfortunately, it got smooshed. But when you read the card, you will notice that I have included a coupon for a free PB&J, made by yours truly, which you can redeem at any time.”

Curiosity piqued, Cas took the card out of the envelope, the coupon falling to the marble top of the island. The front had “Castiel” written on it in big block letters that were all different colors. Inside, was a handwritten apology.

_ Dear Cas,  _

_ I’m sorry that I kept part of my life a secret from you. You are my best friend and we should be able to tell each other everything. I promise you that you are not being replaced by any of the new or old people in my life. You are friend numero uno, and I hate the idea of making you upset. So, please accept my gifts, and my apology, because I’m really sorry and I want my friend back in my life. We still have all these new adventures ahead of us, and if you’re not going to be right by my side for all of them, then I don’t want to do them.  _

_ P.S.: I’m so, so, so, so sorry,  _

_ \- Dean _

Cas was touched. He expected Dean to grovel, but he didn’t expect such a sincere apology. It was reassuring to see, right in front of him, in black and white, that he was still important to Dean and that he wasn’t being replaced. 

“Apology accepted?” Dean asked, shrugging his shoulders.

“Not yet.” Cas pointed at the wrapped gift. “What’s that?”

“Oh!” Dean handed it to him. “It’s something I made you that I thought would be nice because it’ll help with an item on our list.”

Cas examined it, incredulously. “Birthday wrapping paper?” 

“It’s cute, shut up.” 

Cas peeled off the marker-colored bow and stuck it to Dean’s forehead. Unamused, Dean pulled it off and threw it on the ground. Cas proceeded to rip open the wrapping paper, revealing the movie marathon poster.

“You made this yourself?” Cas asked, wide-eyed as he looked over the gift.

Dean blushed, “Yeah. I know it’s not perfect, but I figured you’d like it.”

“Well you were wrong.” Cas deadpanned. 

Dean’s heart fell for what must’ve been the 10th time that week. It was going so well. He knew he should’ve just bought the one in the store. Stupid ruler. Stupid crooked squares. This whole plan was stupid.

“I love it,” Cas said, beaming as he read over the different titles.

“Jerk,” Dean shoved Cas’s arm. “I worked hard on that and I thought you hated it.”

“Ehh, it’s your turn to suffer a little,” Cas laughed. 

Dean didn’t mind the suffering, he was far too infatuated with the plump-cheek smile Cas had as he finished reading through the movie titles. 

Cas grabbed a cookie from the bag, nibbling off a piece. “Since we’re clearing the air, I’m sorry too. I shouldn't have looked at your phone, and I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

Cas extended the bag of cookies to Dean, and Dean took one.

“Apology accepted.” Dean took a bite of the cookie, they were still as delicious as they would’ve been freshly baked. “So, what do you say? Are we cool?”

“I don’t know, I kind of like this whole ‘getting presents’ thing,” Cas said playfully, giving Dean a side eye as he smelled one of the candles. 

“Oh I see. You only keep me around for the perks.” Dean jokingly snatched back the basket.

“The biggest perk is just having you in my life.” Cas turned and smiled at his best friend. “So, yeah we’re cool.” 

Dean nodded bashfully, “Sweet.” It felt good to have things fixed between them.

“Now give me back my basket,” Cas said, extending his arms and making grabby hands.

With things hashed out between them, Dean and Cas spent the rest of the day together. They went out and got pizza then went back to Cas’s house to play Cards Against Humanity with Anael and Michael. Gabe wanted to play too, but he was too young, so they switched to Apples to Apples. Gabe always played the best cards, and Michael took things a little too seriously, but they always had a good time. 

“Dean, sweetie, are you staying for dinner?” Mrs. Novak, dawning her trademark blue apron with white trim, stepped into the living room, taking a break from cooking. The woman was like a modern day Julia Child, but with statement earrings and a bold red lip. 

“I guess I could.”

“Alright, I’ll set you a place at the table. We’re having meatloaf.” 

Dean always appreciated the fact that the Novaks ate together as a family. He couldn't remember the last time he, Sam, and John all sat down together for a real, home-cooked meal.. 

When he was here, he felt included. There were no extra expectations. The parents were parents and the kids were kids, and he got to be a kid.

Dinner was delicious, and Dean helped with the dishes. Mrs. Novak insisted that he go relax, but he wanted to help. It felt wrong not to. 

“Are you this helpful at home?” She asked, her yellow-gloved hands scrubbing a glass.

“Yeah, I usually do the cooking and me and Sam both handle the dishes.” Dean scrubbed away at the Pyrex casserole dish. 

“So a lot of the responsibility falls on your shoulders?”

Dean thought about it for a moment. He did wish his dad was home more often, but he didn’t really mind taking care of Sam. He loved him, and that’s what family did. You take care of your own, through thick and thin. 

“I can handle it. Dad works a lot, so I just help out with the things he can’t do. It’s pretty much expected of me at this point.”

“Well, I want you to know that when you are a guest in my house, that’s exactly what you are, a guest. I don’t expect you to come here and do chores or look after the house or my children. That’s unfair, and very unbecoming of a host to request.”

“Thank you Mrs. Novak.” Dean really appreciated her words. It was nice to have a maternal figure in his life, especially one as caring as Mrs. Novak. 

“Now go on. I can handle the rest of these dishes.”

Dean ran upstairs and found Cas hanging the movie poster on the back of his closet door. 

“Need a hand with that?” 

“Actually yes, could you hold this corner so I can tape it?” Cas asked, grabbing the tape from his desk. Dean had the height advantage, so it was easier for him to hold up the high edges. 

Cas stepped back, checking if the poster was level. “Can you raise the left side a little bit?” 

Dean moved it, but that was too far. He lowered it down, but that was also too far. Then the right side was too high, then it was too low.

“Would you like to do it?” Dean asked, fed up with the back and forth.

“Fine. I guess slightly lopsided will do,” Cas said, passive aggressively taping the corners. He tried to pretend that it didn’t bother him, but the top of the poster didn’t run parallel to the top of the closet and that was going to drive him crazy.

“You’re gonna fix it as soon as I leave aren’t you?” 

“You bet.” Cas took a seat on his bed. “So, when are you leaving?”

Dean dropped his jaw in mock offense. “Ouch. I didn’t know you were so eager to get rid of me.”

“I just meant do you plan on staying longer or do you have to go home?”

John was working, but they still had leftovers in the fridge, so Dean wouldn’t have to go home and cook. Sam was pretty self sufficient, and what teenager wouldn’t appreciate a night alone in the house? He could stay.

“I was actually thinking maybe we could get started on the movies.” Dean sat at the foot of the bed. “It would check Movie Marathon off our list, and we could probably get through three or four of the movies on the poster.”

“Don’t you have work tomorrow?” Cas asked.

“Not until 2. We could make popcorn and stay up late. It’ll be fun.” 

This was everything Cas wanted. He and Dean were back on the same page, spending time together, hanging out as friends. See, it was a good thing that Dean had a girl thing in his life, because that meant that he was off limits. The crush Cas had on Dean had dwindled and he was able to keep his emotions in check. No more crush for him, no. They were just friends, and happily so. 

They spent nearly 10 minutes arguing about what the first film should be. Cas wanted Star Wars and Dean was adamant about watching Indiana Jones. He went on and on about how it was a sin that Cas had never seen it. Cas debated that Star Wars was better because they could watch them in time-line order. One of them had to give in.

Cas ran downstairs to grab snacks while Dean set up Raiders of the Lost Ark. What could he say? He couldn’t argue against the appeal of a whip-wielding adventurer who narrowly escapes death after swapping a bag of sand in the place of a golden idol.

Cas came upstairs with one big bowl of popcorn and two cans of soda. 

“The snacks have arrived!” 

Cas sat on one side of the bed and Dean sat on the other, the bowl of popcorn between them. Dean grabbed the remote, clicking play, then cracked open his soda.

The opening credits rolled, and Cas reached his hand into the bowl of popcorn. As fate would have it, Dean reached his hand into the bowl at the exact same time. Cas cursed himself for only getting one bowl. Why would he do that? It’s like he wanted to torture himself. 

They both pulled their hands back, lightning quick, muttering “Sorry.” 

“You go first,” Cas said, pushing the bowl closer to Dean. 

He grabbed a handful, placing it in his other hand. “Thanks.”

Cas spent the first half hour of the film carefully planning when he’d reach for the popcorn. If you asked him to describe anything that happened in the movie, he would not be able to tell you. His heartbeat was drumming in his ears and his thoughts were racing. He imagined this scenario hundreds of times before, and now it was happening. Of course, in the other versions there was a lot more kissing and a lot less clothing, but he wasn’t going to complain.

When the popcorn was gone, Cas grabbed the bowl and headed toward the door.

“Wait, where are you going? You’re going to miss the end of the movie.”

“Pause it, I’ll only take a second.” 

Dean paused the movie and waited for Cas to come back.

“See,” Cas said, closing the door and plopping back down on his side of the bed, “Back in a flash.” With the popcorn bowl gone, there was nothing to fill the space between them. 

Dean seemed comfortable, clicking play and settling back into the pillows. Cas was trying to regulate his breathing, his nerves starting to get the best of him. 

He was alone, with his best friend, who he was hopelessly attracted to, on his bed, with the door closed, one foot away from each other. 

Then Dean shifted his position, and their legs brushed. This time, no one pulled away. Cas was on the verge of passing out. He held his breath and kept his muscles tense. He didn’t want to accidentally move and ruin the moment. 

“Cas?” Dean had a concerned look on his face. “Are you okay?” 

Breaking himself from his trance, Cas took a deep breath, stretching his legs. “Yeah, just focusing on the movie.”

Dean nodded. “Alright. ‘Cause it looked like you were gonna puke there for a second.” 

Cas could've died from embarrassment right then and there. He didn’t even know what to say. Luckily Dean went back to watching the movie, and they didn’t have to talk. 

The rest of the film was uneventful. No accidental hand touching, no legs bumping together, nothing. Turns out Cas, having not been set on fire, had no idea how to flirt. Not that he was trying to. Dean liked that Angel girl, and he accepted that. They were just friends. He just wished his stupid heart would get the memo. 

“Alright, what do you want to watch next?” Dean asked, standing up to look at the poster. Cas checked the TV, and sure enough they were back to the Netflix home screen. Damn. He really missed that whole movie. Hopefully Dean doesn’t try to talk about it, and just accepts that Cas saw it, even though he essentially astral projected the entire time. 

“Let’s keep the Indiana Jones train rolling,” Cas suggested.

“Really? I figured you’d be ready for a full on debate before you chose that.”

Cas wasn’t in a position to debate anything, and he knew the sooner he chose a movie, the sooner he wouldn’t have to make small talk, and he could go back to giving a puke stare to the TV screen.

“Turns out Indiana Jones is pretty cool.” 

Dean crossed Raiders off the poster, and went to set up the second film. He took his place back on the right side of Cas’s bed, and got comfortable. 

This movie was a lot easier to focus on. Cas didn’t feel as nervous. Sleep was starting to take both of them over, and it made him less self-conscious. 

When the movie ended, Dean asked if Cas was up for another one. He even suggested moving to a new section of the poster to switch things up. 

“You know, I don’t know if I’ll be able to focus on a new movie,” Cas yawned.

“You want to call it a night?” 

“No.” Cas sat up, trying to look more alert. “Let’s watch…” He stood up and walked over to his DVD collection, browsing the titles. “Jurassic Park!” 

Dean raised an eyebrow, “Again?”

“Listen. It’s a good movie, it’s on the list, and I won’t have to focus on the plot because I’ve seen it 25 times.” 

Dean grabbed a marker and crossed Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park off the poster. 

“Alright. Put it in.”

Jurassic Park was both a good and terrible choice. Cas barely made it to the part where B.D. Wong explains dinosaur breeding habits. He was nodding off and before he knew it, he was being awoken by a crash of thunder. 

He jumped up, terrified, as the rain poured against the window. A flash of lightning cut through the gap in his curtains, and he nearly screamed. 

“Whoa. Hey, Cas. It’s okay. It’s just a storm.” Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’s shoulder, pulling him into a hug. “It’s just thunder. You’re okay.” 

Waking up so suddenly, with so much happening around him, was very disorienting. On top of that, Dean had his arm around his shoulder, and that seemed like something out of a dream, but his body was responding as if it was a nightmare. 

Cas was fighting to catch his breath, blinking his eyes so they could adjust to the darkness. He looked around. He was in his room, sitting on his bed, with Dean. Okay. That’s nothing to be scared about.

Dean started to pull away as the thunder crashed again, a loud boom seemingly shaking the house. Cas clung to Dean in terror. 

“Please don’t leave,” Cas pleaded, trying his best not to cry. He didn’t want to seem like a baby, but he also hated the thought of being alone for the rest of the night while the storm was raging outside. 

“I’m not. I was just going to turn off the TV and get you some pajamas.”

“Okay.”

Dean opened Cas’s dresser, pulling out a pair of pajama pants. He tossed them on the bed. “Here, put these on. You’ll be more comfortable.” 

Cas was way too tired. He barely got one leg out of his jeans before he started drifting back to sleep. Dean rolled his eyes, and took the pants off for him, leaving Cas in his boxers. 

“That’s good enough.” He shook Cas’s shoulder, instructing him to scoot over so Dean could fold the blanket back. Dean fluffed up the pillows and brushed away some stray popcorn kernels. 

“Okay, now come back over here so we can put you to bed.” 

Cas rolled back over to his side of the bed, his body sluggish with sleep. Dean’s voice was soothing, hypnotic even, and it put Cas at ease. He kept whispering that everything was going to be okay and that he was right by Cas’s side. 

Dean pulled the blanket up to Cas’s chin, and started tucking him in. He was hoping that the sensation of being wrapped up would help calm him down and make him feel safe. 

“If you feel scared, I’m just going to be downstairs if you need anything.”

“No,” Cas softly objected. 

Dean always slept on the couch, but that was the last thing Cas wanted in that moment. Dean was what made him feel safe, and he couldn’t feel that way if Dean was on the other side of the house. Cas wiggled an arm free, flipping the blanket over on the other side of the bed. He patted the mattress, looking up at Dean through sleepy eyes. 

“Please stay.” 

Dean knew it was probably a bad idea, but he couldn’t leave Cas alone like that. It would just be for one night, and the bed was more than big enough for two people. He thought about it for a second before caving in. He took off his jeans, folded them and placed them on the floor next to the bed, then got under the covers. Cas turned to him, gripping tight to his arm as another crash of thunder rang out in the otherwise silent room.

“You’re the best, Dean,” Cas said though labored breaths. 

“No problem,” Dean gulped.

It took a while for Cas to finally calm down, but he seemed to be able to cope with the storm with Dean by his side. Dean hummed softly under his breath. It was a Led Zeppelin song his mother used to sing to him as a kid. It always made him fall right asleep.

He laid there for about 30 minutes. He figured he’d wait it out until Cas fell asleep, then he could sneak downstairs, but he took one look at the blissful smile on Cas’s face and he knew he had to stay.

Dean sunk his head down into the pillows, repressing the urge to run his fingers through Cas’s hair. Instead, he kept them balled in a fist, glued to his side. This wasn’t about him, or his feelings. This was about helping a friend. 

So he listened to the rain pitter-patter against the window and focused on syncing his breathing with Cas’s until he finally fell asleep. 


	9. Chapter 9

The mid-morning sun beamed against the curtains, casting a grey shadow on the walls, birds were chirping, and there was someone’s breath on Cas’s ear. His eyes shot open, but he remained still. The breathing continued. Cas slowly turned his head, happy to find that it was Dean, and not some burglar with a cuddling fetish. 

He let out a sigh of relief, and closed his eyes. 

They shot right back open once he realized that he was pressed up against Dean’s chest, wrapped in his arms, and they both weren’t wearing pants. To make things even more awkward, Cas was pretty sure he could feel something pressed up against his lower back.

“That couldn’t be? Could it?” Cas thought to himself. He carefully slid his arm from underneath Dean’s and reached back. He paused, his hand hovering in the air, reconsidering if he actually wanted the answer to his questions. He did. 

He lowered his hand down between his body and Deans, screaming as he realized what he was touching. He snatched his hand away, and in his panic, he rolled off the bed and fell to the floor with a thud. The sudden screaming and thrashing woke up Dean, who proceeded to activate his fight response. He jumped up, flinging the blanket to the foot of the bed, trying to figure out what was happening.

Cas continued screaming, which made Dean start screaming, which only made Cas scream more.

“What? What is it? What?” Dean asked, frantically grabbing a pillow and raising it over his head, prepared to swing.

“It was… it was…” Cas stuttered, trying to figure out a believable reason for all the commotion. “It was a bug!” 

Dean dropped the pillow and peered at Cas, his chest rising and falling as his breathing slowed. 

“What?”

“I just thought I saw a bug,” Cas lied, staring intently at the ceiling.

“Well, I don’t see anything.” Dean looked all around the room. Surely if there was a bug big enough to cause Cas to scream bloody murder, he’d be able to see it against the white walls. Cas was swaying from side to side, looking all around the ceiling, but nowhere else. 

“Is something wrong?” Dean asked. 

“You um… have.. a…” Cas pointed at the bulge in Dean’s boxers, before returning his gaze to the ceiling.

Looking down, Dean finally understood. “Oh shit!” He jumped out of the bed, wrapping the blanket around his waist. He looked down again, pulling the blanket away from his body, just to see if he was hallucinating. He wasn’t. “Oh my god, this is bad. This is so, so, very bad.”

“Dean, it’s fine. It happens. That’s just what the human body does.”

“Not my body!”

Dean ran out of the room and headed straight to the bathroom. He had embarrassed himself in a variety of ways throughout his life, but he was pretty sure this was his crowning faux pas. He couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as Cas. He was sure he’d never want to talk to him again. After all, it was probably a friendship deal breaker to sleep in the same bed as your best friend and wake up with a hard on. 

He locked the door and turned on the shower. He just needed a moment to clear his head and calm his body down. 

“Dean!” Cas knocked on the door. “Please don’t overreact about this.” 

Dean didn’t say anything. He stripped and hopped beneath the cool spray of the water, hoping to drown out reality. 

“I’m not mad.” 

Silence.

“Dean? Can you at least say something?”

Dean pulled back the curtain and shouted, “I just need a minute. We can talk when I get out, okay?

“Okay.”

Cas walked back to his room, taking in the chaotic mess of blankets and pillows. He tidied everything up while he waited for Dean. 

He couldn’t believe that really happened. He woke up in Dean Winchester’s arms. Dean Winchester may or may not have been turned on by him. There was a good chance that it was just his body reacting to the situation and that his body would’ve done the same exact thing if it was anyone else sharing the bed with him, but Cas liked the version where Dean reciprocated his feelings better. 

Next thing he knew, Dean was standing in his doorway, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was wet and the towel sat just low enough to provide a delicious view of Dean’s hips. And just like that, Cas could feel a troubling situation start to grow in his own pants. Now was definitely not the time. 

The room felt too hot and his face was flushed. He swallowed the lump in his throat, thinking about any way he could distract himself from his very attractive and very naked friend standing in his doorway. 

“Do you have a pair of pants I could borrow?” Dean asked. “I don’t really want to wear my jeans again.”

Perfect! Cas leapt from the bed and over to his closet, thanking the Lord for a new task to focus on. He searched through his pants, finding a pair that he thought would actually fit Dean.

“They might be a little snug, but they should do.”

Dean went back to the bathroom and changed. When he came back, he could barely look at Cas. He felt terrible about the situation, even though he didn’t have much control over it. Cas had made it clear that he didn’t feel that way about him, so he could only imagine what he must be thinking. He already fucked up so much in the past couple days, this was truly the icing on the cake. He hoped they could at least still be friends.

“Look…” Dean slid his hands into the pockets of his pants, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. “Can we please pretend that this morning never happened?”

Cas could tell Dean was nervous. If they switched places, Cas probably would’ve jumped out the window and sprinted off into the woods so he could begin his life as a lonely hermit, too ashamed to show his face in modern society. 

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“Really?” Dean asked, chancing a glance at his friend.

“Yes, really. Consider it forgotten.” 

“Thanks.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. “I know I’ve been fucking everything up lately, but I promise I’m trying.”

“Everyone’s entitled to a few mistakes.”

It wasn’t fun to see Dean down on himself, especially because Cas honestly didn’t care about the now forgotten events of the morning, but he had an idea that he was sure would make both of them feel better. 

“You know what would be fun?” Cas walked over to his desk and pulled out a distressed leather scrapbook with the words “Summer of Adventure” written on the front. He knew he probably should have asked Dean for his opinion on which one they should get, since it was a shared activity, but it seemed so perfect that he went with the “it’s better to beg forgiveness” option. Besides, the custom lettering was 50% off that day, so he had to take advantage of the sale. “If we got started on our scrapbook.” 

Dean picked it up and flipped through the empty pages. He wasn’t much of a crafter, but he could manage sticking some pictures in a book.

“I should have known you’d already have this.”

“What can I say? I’m very keen on time management.” 

Cas set the scrapbook in the center of his bed, then went back to his desk to grab some pens and markers. He had already printed out the picture from the mini golf course, the one where he was on fire, and the two from Ellen’s. 

“Do you think this would be okay as our photo from the fireworks? I know we’re barely in it, I just got our legs in the shot, but it’s a super cute picture of Sam.” 

Dean hadn’t seen the picture before. He didn’t even know Cas had took the picture. It was a little dark, but it was during the finale of the fireworks, Sam was looking over his shoulder at Dean, pointing as his favorite firework went off. 

“Cas, that’s perfect.” Dean didn’t like to admit it, but when it came to Sam, he was extra sentimental. He’d probably have Cas send him the photo so he could frame it and take it with him to college. 

“We need to figure out what we want to use for the movie marathon photo,” Cas said.

“Why don’t we stand on either side of the poster and you can set the timer on your phone, and that can be the picture?” 

That was a good suggestion. Cas opened the camera app and scanned the room for something he could set his phone on. All the surfaces were too short, he wouldn’t be able to get everything in the shot. Then Cas remembered his brother got a selfie stick for Christmas. 

“Be right back.” Cas ran down the hall, searching through Gabe’s things. He’d be pissed, but Cas didn’t care. He ran back to his room, stick in hand. “This should work.”

He clicked his phone into place and set the timer for 10 seconds. Dean opened the curtains so they could have natural lighting in the photo. They got in position, and Cas started the timer. After it snapped, Cas pulled it up. 

“We have to take it again,” he said, sliding his phone back into position.

“Why?” 

“Because you blinked.” He showed the photo to Dean and sure enough, there he was, mid-blink. He looked stoned.

“Yeah, let’s take it again.”

This time, both of them were smiling, eyes completely open, the sun shining just right. It was perfect. Cas hooked his phone to his computer and printed out the picture. 

“Okay, so I’m thinking the first page should have the start date and then we’ll put the end date in when we’re finished. The next page should be our adventure list and we can put check boxes next to each item and check them off as we go. I also have a bunch of stickers and cutouts that we can decorate the pages with.” Cas was beyond excited about the project. Sadly, he couldn’t say the same about Dean, who looked like Cas was explaining nuclear physics. “Or, you can tape the pictures in to say you helped and I can decorate the book later.”

“No, this is a two person thing, and it obviously means a lot to you, so grab the stickers and let’s scrap some books.” 

Cas grabbed the supplies, and they worked together to get the scrapbook started. Dean ended up enjoying it more than he initially thought he would. Cas gave him free range with the stickers, and let’s just say, nearly all the pages featured pizza and alien heads. 

Cas put little captions under each picture, featuring the date and a blurb about what was happening that day. It was like having a physical Instagram, but so much better. This one he got to create with Dean. 


	10. Chapter 10

The following week was uneventful. Dean had to cover a couple extra shifts because people called out, so he was busy, and Cas got food poisoning from eating an egg salad sandwich that he bought from a gas station. Dean told him that was a hard no, but Cas insisted, saying he’d never had a problem before. Guess there’s always time for things to change.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Dean finally had a day off and Cas was feeling better. They checked the weather report and it showed nothing but sun all weekend. Perfect timing to get some of the outdoor items on their list done. 

Cas suggested they go zip lining, but Dean wanted to go to the amusement park instead. The closest one was Pauly’s Play Place, but it was run down and most of the rides weren’t in operation. Dean mentioned the movie theater gave away coupons for the Fun Fair Amusement Park a couple towns over that were only good that Saturday, and he didn’t want them to go to waste. Cas wasn’t one to pass up a good deal, so amusement park was the winner.

“Cas, I swear to God if your ass is not in the passenger's seat of my car in the next 30 seconds, I’m grabbing whichever one of your siblings is closest, and I’m taking them instead. Let’s go!” Dean grabbed the bag of snacks he packed for the road trip and stomped off to the impala.

Precisely 28 seconds later, Dean was counting on his watch, Cas appeared knocking on the passenger side window. “Let me in.”

“You’re lucky. You just made it with two seconds to spare,” Dean said, unlocking the doors.

Cas sat down with a huff, slamming the door shut. “Sorry, your highness. There is going to be next to no cloud coverage today and I had to apply my sunblock. Unless, of course, you want me to get skin cancer and die?” 

“So dramatic.” Dean pulled out his phone and handed it to Cas. “You have two jobs today. GPS navigator and holder of snacks.” Dean set his bag of chips in Cas’s lap.

“I thought the passenger was usually on DJ duty.”

“Not in my car. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.” 

Cas glared at Dean, but still set up the GPS. Dean cranked up some classic rock mix-tape he had made, and they set out on the hour-long journey. 

About 30 minutes in, Dean pulled into a gas station to fill up the tank and grab a drink.

“You want anything while I’m in there?” He asked.

“No, I’m good,” Cas replied, nonchalantly, playing a game on his phone. 

Dean let the pump run while he ran in the store to grab a water and use the bathroom. He was shocked to find there was a line. There was never a line for the men’s bathroom. Guess there’s a first time for everything.

After about 15 minutes, Dean finally made it back to the car. He shut the gas tank and got back in the driver’s seat, where he found Cas, eyes wide with guilt. 

“What?” Dean asked, waiting for some kind of follow up explanation. He looked down, and noticed the crumpled up, and also empty, potato chip bag in Cas’s lap. “Did you eat my chips?” 

“I got hungry when you were in the store. You took a lot longer than I thought you would.” 

“I asked if you wanted anything before I went in.” 

“I wasn’t hungry then.” 

“Why didn’t you just go in the store and buy something then?” 

“I only wanted a couple. Then a couple turned into a few, next thing you know, I ate the whole bag.” Cas looked down as his barbecue-crumb-coated fingers, knowing he should’ve felt bad, but the chips tasted too good to feel regret. 

“Unbelievable.” Dean put the car in drive and headed back on the road. “You owe me a jumbo pretzel when we get there.” 

“Yeah, that’s fair.” 

When they finally arrived, the place was packed. They had to park way in the back and hike to the actual park, but it was worth it when they got there. There were food vendors everywhere, music blasting, kids screaming as rides swung them through the air. It was wonderful. 

“Okay, so what do you want to go on first?” Dean asked, heading to the ticket booth. 

“Personally, I’m a fan of the Ferris wheel,” Cas said, looking up at the giant revolving circle of spokes and rainbow topped cabins. 

Dean stopped in his tracks. “Seriously? You had me drive an hour to an amusement park so you can ride the Ferris wheel? I don’t think so.” 

Dean bought bracelets for both of them so they could ride as many rides as they wanted. Cas wanted to pay for his, but Dean said he could just pick up the gas on the way back. 

As they went through the fairgrounds, Dean was keeping mental notes of all the rides he wanted to come back to. Dean was leading them to his favorite ride in the park. If he was a nice friend, he would’ve eased Cas into the scarier rides, but he wasn’t. He wanted to throw him right into the terror. 

At the back of the park was the Soaring Eagle, a pendulum style ride where your feet dangle as you swing back and forth until eventually, you do a full rotation, and end up hanging upside down. 

“Here we are,” Dean said, full of excitement. 

“You’re kidding me, right?” Cas looked up as the ride swung into motion, the people screaming as they were sent into the air and were hanging upside down. 

“It’s fun, I promise.”

“I’d have more fun eating my own fingers.” 

“C’mon. What are you scared of? It can’t be heights, ‘cause the Ferris wheel is the tallest ride in the park.”

“I don’t know, Dean. Maybe it’s the fact that this is a swinging death machine. What if the safety belts come loose? What if the hinge breaks and it sends all of us crashing down to our deaths?”

“The chances of that happening are slim to none. And to your point, the Ferris wheel can tip over or the little carriage thing can break off and send you crashing to your death.”

“Are you trying to make me scared of the only ride in the park I’m willing to go on?”

“No. What I’m saying is, if you’re gonna die anyway, might as well die on the cool ride.” 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and dragged him into the line. There were a decent amount of people in front of them, so Cas had plenty of time to back out if he wanted to. He did, but part of him kind of wanted to see what Dean loved about the ride. 

The group of people who were on the ride got off, and the line moved forward. They were officially at the point of no return. Cas looked mortified. 

“Dean, I don’t know if I can do this.” 

Dean turned and grabbed Cas’s hands. “Look. This is supposed to be our summer of adventure right? Well, what’s more adventurous than this? I’m telling you, when you’re up there, there’s no feeling like it.” 

Cas considered the point. It would be something he’d never done before, and if all the people before him could ride the ride and be okay, then maybe he would be too.

“When we get on, I’ll be sitting right next to you. If you really can’t do it and start freaking out, they’ll let you off. But I’ll be right there, the whole time.” Dean waited to see how Cas was feeling. He wanted to push Cas out of his comfort zone, but he didn’t want to force him to do something he really didn’t want to do. 

“Okay.” Cas was still nervous, but with Dean’s hands on his, he felt safe. He could do this. 

After two more groups of people, it was finally their turn to get on the ride. Dean let Cas get on first so he could make sure he was comfortable. Cas’s hands were shaking, and his stomach was full of butterflies. He twiddled his thumbs to try to keep calm. 

“You’re gonna be fine,” Dean said, hoping some encouragement would ease Cas into the moment.

The shoulder bar came down and then the lap bar secured it in place. Cas took deep breaths, trying his best not to hyperventilate. He was pretty sure that the ride operator thought he was going to throw up as she made her rounds to check the buckles. 

A few moments later the ride began to move. It was gradual. Back and forth, building momentum. Cas was okay with that part. Then the hydraulics kicked in and the ride started going higher. Cas became aware that the floor had dropped out beneath them and he was hanging in the air. He was starting to panic. 

Dean noticed that Cas didn’t seem okay, so he reached over, and grabbed Cas’s hand. “I’m not gonna let you go, okay? I got you.” 

Cas nodded, squeezing Dean’s hand as the ride swung backwards. They were suspended, probably 100 feet above the ground, and despite the inherent panic, the adrenaline rush was starting to kick in. He knew on the next swing forward they’d be upside down.

He braced himself, not entirely sure what it was going to feel like. His stomach flipped as the ride swooped down, then the next thing he knew, he was in the air. Dean was screaming in euphoria, having the time of his life. Cas had his eyes shut tight, not ready to see the world from this new perspective, but it felt like he was flying. Dean was holding his hand, and he was at the top of the world, soaring. 

On the final swing around the top, he opened his eyes, and saw the blur of metal and sky, and felt just a little bit of the magic that Dean was talking about.

The ride came to a halt, and the bars raised up. Cas was a little disappointed when Dean’s hand was no longer entwined with his, but he was proud of himself for actually going on the ride. He did it.

“Dean, that was awesome!” Cas’s smile was beaming with joy as he ran down the exit ramp. 

“I told you there was nothing to be scared of. I’m so proud of you.” Dean pulled Cas into a hug, his arms tight around him. Since he was slightly shorter, Cas’s head was buried in Dean’s shoulder, allowing him to take in the faint smell of Old Spice that lingered on Dean’s clothing. Dean’s laugh rumbled through Cas’s body, as he continued to congratulate him. It may have been the best hug he had ever received.

“We may have to do that again,” Cas said, referring to both the ride and the hug, but Dean didn’t have to know that. 

“Well, we have plenty of time.” 

They spent the day riding as many of the rides as they could. There were two that Dean was too tall to ride. He was mad, because they tell you how tall you have to be to ride it, but not how tall is too tall. 

As it got later in the day, Dean wanted to try his luck at some of the carnival games. Cas was against it, as most of them were rigged and the prizes aren’t worth the money you spend to play the game in the first place. 

“It’s not about the money, Cas. It’s about the experience.”

And that it was, because Dean spent nearly $40 on pick a duck, the ring toss, water gun races, and the game where you throw darts at the balloons. He was determined every time, but in the end, all he won was a bouncy ball, which he ended up losing after he bounced it too high and it landed on the top of a smoothie hut.

“Whatever,” Dean said, kicking a rock down the walkway, “those games are rigged anyway.”

A girl walked by holding one of the oversized monkeys that were hanging on the prize racks of the game booths. Dean scoffed, saying she probably paid to get it, because the games were impossible. 

Cas didn’t want to see Dean down in the dumps when they were having such an amazing time together. Luckily, he had a plan to turn things around. 

They came across the “Clock A Clown” game booth, where you throw a baseball at the clown dolls and have to knock them over. 

“I want to play this one,” Cas said, stopping in front of the booth.

“I thought you didn’t believe in carnival games.” Dean rolled his eyes, putting air quotes around his words.

“Well, I didn’t believe in riding the pendulum of doom either, but today is a day for trying new things.” 

Cas pulled some money out of his pocket, and paid for two rounds. Dean tried to convince him to do something a little easier, but Cas knew what he was doing. 

He grabbed a ball, wound up, and sent it flying toward the fuzzy clowns, knocking one over. He grabbed the next ball, and did the same thing, knocking over another clown. He did it again, and again, only missing once.

“Dude, are you like some kind of baseball superman?” Dean asked, completely amazed that Cas was even able to hit one of the clowns.

“My parents made me do little league for five years. I was pitcher,” Cas replied, knocking down the last clown he needed to win the mega prize. If only he stuck with baseball, he probably could’ve got a scholarship for it.

“Alright son, you get to take your pick of anything on the top row, or two prizes from the bottom row,” said the man running the game as he gestured to the different prizes.

“Well...” Cas looked at the giant neon green monkey on the top row, and had a feeling he already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. “Which one do you want, Dean?” 

“What?”

“You’ve been eyeing these things all day, and I know you’re upset that you weren’t able to win one, so I won one for you.”

“Are you sure? It’s your prize, I don’t want to take it from you.”

“Consider it a gift. Now pick. Whichever one you want.” 

It didn’t even take Dean a full second to point his finger at the neon green monkey, just as Cas expected. The game runner pulled it down with a metal hook, and handed it to Dean, who hugged it close to his chest. 

  
  


“Thank you, Cas! This is friggin’ sweet!” Dean looked like a kid on Christmas morning, and Cas would throw a hundred more baseballs if it meant he could keep that smile on Dean’s face.

“Don’t think this gets you out of buying me a pretzel either,” Dean said, setting the monkey on his shoulders. 

“There’s a stand right over there, grab a bench and I’ll be right over.” 

Cas went up to the window and ordered two soft pretzels with salt. He wasn’t going to make the mistake of not getting food when Dean had some again. 

“Here you go.” Cas handed Dean the pretzel, and he ravenously bit into it. 

“I’m so hungry, this tastes like heaven,” Dean said through a stuffed mouth, the bit off piece of pretzel flopping around as he spoke.

“Well, I’m glad I could show you a good time,” Cas joked.

“You know, Cas,” Dean started, swallowing the doughy goodness and wrapping his arm around the monkey. “This is some serious rom-com bullshit, I gotta tell you.” 

Dean was right. Nothing about the past hour had been subtle. Cas paid for their food and won him a jumbo stuffed animal, it may as well have been a date. Cas contemplated his next move, wondering how he was going to deal with the romantic implications of the day. 

“About that. There’s something I need to tell you and I don’t know how you’re going to take it.” Cas set his pretzel down on a napkin and nervously wiped his hands on his pants. He should’ve pre-planned what he was going to say because, in the moment, all he could come up with was a bunch of word jumble. He was sitting across from his best friend, trying to find the best way to say that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. “Look, we’ve known each other for over a year now, and we’re best friends, and I love spending time with you.”

“Are you about to friend-break up with me?” Dean shot up, setting his pretzel to the side. “If you even think about saying “It’s not you, it’s me” I swear to god-”

“No, Dean,” Cas said, holding his hand up. “Can you just… let me say what I have to say?” Cas was flustered. His hands were shaking, he could barely feel his legs, it felt like his heart was trying to leave his body. He took a couple deep breaths, and Dean sat there quietly, waiting for him to continue.

“I don’t actually know how to say this, so I’m just going to be honest.” Cas kept his eyes fixed on the space between them, as he bounced his leg out of nervousness. “You make me feel things that I can’t even begin to describe. And when I’m around you, my heart races, and I can’t stop smiling, and my knees get weak, and all that other mushy stuff that I know you hate. I didn’t want to say anything because I was too afraid of losing you, but if I didn’t tell you the truth, I was going to explode.”

Dean looked at him with a confused expression on his face. “Are you saying that you like me?” 

This was Cas’s last chance to back out. He could come up with some elaborate lie on the spot to explain everything away. He could sprint back to the car and hopefully never have to mention this ever again. But instead, he decided to get everything off his chest.

“More or less, yes. I would’ve said something sooner but I didn’t even know if you liked boys, let alone me, and you said you were seeing that Angel girl.” Cas stopped, the realization hitting him suddenly. “Oh my god, you’re probably still seeing that Angel girl aren’t you? How could I be so stupid-”

“Hey, listen,” Dean said, taking hold of Cas’s hands. “There was never any girl.”

“But you said-”

“Angel was a code name that me and Charlie made up because I didn’t want you to accidentally read my texts and see what we were talking about.” 

“What were you talking about?” Cas had a slew of emotions coursing through his body. Fear and confusion being the main ones.

“The fact that I absolutely do like boys, but more importantly, that I like one very special, very cute boy in particular.” 

Dean scooted over so he was sitting closer to Cas, and to anyone else it would’ve been obvious, but Cas was too nervous to pick up on subtext, and began rambling.

“Now, I have a hunch about who that might be, but I have a terrible track record with these things, so if you could just confirm who you’re talking about that would be-” 

With a breathtaking swiftness, Dean’s lips were suddenly pressed against Cas’s. It was so quick that Cas didn’t know what was happening at first, but once he realized, he melted into it. He didn’t expect their first kiss to happen outside of a food stand at an amusement park, but much of their summer had been composed of the unexpected.

Dean placed his hands, trembling and careful, on either side of Cas’s face, cupping his cheeks and pulling him close as if he’d disappear otherwise. It was like learning to breathe underwater, or taking your first steps on the moon, so new and so scary, but spellbinding. 

In that moment was everything that Cas had ever daydreamed about. It was everything he wet-dreamed about, except this was real. Dean was holding him close, and kissing him, and all of it was real. 

When they pulled apart, Cas kept his eyes closed, lingering in the moment. As he opened his eyes, he saw Dean biting his lip with a smirk. It was all so perfect. 

“Yeah,” Cas said, exasperated and blissed out, “that confirms it.”

Dean smiled, the very one Cas hoped would stay on his face forever, and just looked at Cas. He had a glint in his eye like he saw the rest of his life sitting before him. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that.” 

“Oh, I think I do.”

They sat for a moment, both adjusting to the truth of what just happened. In the distance, Dean could see the lights on the rides turn on. He had an idea.

“You know what? You were super sweet to win me this monkey, and you were beyond brave to ride my favorite ride, so I think it’s only fair that we ride yours.” 

Dean held his giant monkey and his pretzel in one hand, so he could hold Cas’s with the other. He led them over to the Ferris wheel, which was lit up with colorful, strobing lights. The line wasn’t too bad, and before they knew it, they were being seated. 

Once the ride got to the top, Dean understood why Cas liked it so much. The view was breathtaking, and with the sun just starting to set, it was romantic as hell. 

“God, this is beautiful,” Dean said in awe. 

Cas was struck by how elated Dean looked, his hair blowing in the gentle breeze, his freckles brought out by their day spent in the sun, his smile, easy.

“Not as beautiful as you.” 

Dean wasn’t ever the type for gooey romance, but coming from Cas it just felt right. It didn’t feel forced or staged, it felt genuine, and Dean couldn’t remember the last time he felt that kind of love. 

“Maybe it’s the sunset, or the lack of oxygen up here, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say what I feel, too.” Dean fiddled with the loose string on his shirt. “You like me, and I like you, so what do you say we make this thing official?” 

Cas’s eyes went wide, he looked like someone just told him he won the lottery.

“Dean Winchester are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” 

Dean laughed, “Yes, Castiel Novak, I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.” 

Cas grabbed the stuffed monkey from across the carriage and set it next to him so that he could slide over next to Dean. “Absolutely!” 

He gave him a kiss on the cheek, pulling back with a smile that scrunched his cheeks up into his eyes.

“Cas, they told us not to sit on the same side of this thing.”

“Well they can suck a dick and die, because I want a sunset selfie with my new boyfriend.” Cas pulled out his phone and tried to take the picture, but no matter how far he extended his arm, he couldn’t get both of their faces in the picture. He sighed, offering his phone to Dean, “Can you take it?” 

Dean chuckled, “Sure.” 

Right as the Ferris wheel got to the top, the sunset a vibrant mix of purples, pinks, and oranges behind them, Cas leaned in and kissed Dean. Smiling against his boyfriend's lips, Dean snapped the picture. It looked like a Hallmark card. 

“This is going to look so cute in our scrapbook,” Cas said as the ride slowed down. When they got to the bottom, the attendant ushered them off and they walked back into the park.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand as they continued walking. “As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” 

Dean wanted to hate it. He wanted to hate it so much, but he was with his best friend, who was now his boyfriend, and they were having the time of their lives. So he accepted the fact that he was going to be half of one of those sappy romantic couples who kiss in the rain, and kiss after sharing a single strand of spaghetti, but that was ok. 

The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more. So he squeezed Cas’s hand, the lights of the amusement park lighting up their eyes, and said, “Me too.”


	11. Chapter 11

After Dean dropped him off, Cas ran into his house, feeling on top of the world. If it was possible, he was pretty sure cartoon birds would’ve been chirping on his shoulders. He shut the front door, leaned against it, and took a moment to fully appreciate all of the wonders of the day. 

He heard a sound coming from the kitchen, so he went over to investigate. It was just the person he wanted to see. 

“Anael, you are never going to believe what happened to me today.” Cas sat across from her at the island as she continued her crafting. 

“Good news, I hope,” she said, stringing some beads. Anael made jewelry in her spare time, and sold it on Etsy. She was pretty successful, all things considered.

Cas wanted to build it up, and tell the whole story, but he was just too excited. “I have a boyfriend.” 

Anael almost dropped the necklace she was working on. Cas hadn’t had many relationships in his life. He dated this girl named Hannah for a week at his old school, but he didn’t really consider that an actual relationship. 

“Who?” Anael asked, leaning forward, giving Cas her full attention. 

“It’s Dean.” Cas was smiling wide. He was a little nervous about telling his sister, scared that her love for him might actually have some conditions, but she smiled back, and congratulated him. 

He told her all about their day at the fair, and he showed her the pictures they took. She was beyond happy for her little brother. She liked Dean, and was excited for what the future held for both of them.

“Can I be honest with you?” Anael asked.

“Always.”

“I kind of hoped you two would end up together. You speak so highly of him, and when you’re with him, you act the most like yourself. Your anxiety is lower, your depression doesn’t act up as much. It makes me happy to see you being the Cas that I remember.” 

Cas couldn’t agree more. Dean brought out the best in him, and he liked to think that it went the other way as well. He cared so much about Dean, and just wanted him to be happy. Now that they were a couple, he had been given the chance to be one of the reasons Dean smiled. He had a chance to help Dean become the best version of himself that he could be. He had a chance to discover if true love was but a myth, or something he could come to know. 

“With Dean, it just clicks. I don’t have to overthink, everything comes naturally. It’s kind of scary because I’ve never felt like this before.” It truthfully was scary, but it was the good kind of scary that pushed Cas out of his comfort zone.

“You guys have been friends for a while, and you already have a strong foundation to build off of, so the magnitude of that can be scary. But what I want you to remember, is that you guys are young. Relationships at your age are messy, and wild, and exciting, and painful, but all of that should be embraced. It’s all part of the experience.”

Cas took those words to heart. This was his summer of adventure, so he couldn’t fear what the future may or may not bring, he needed to focus on the present, and embrace the fear that came with starting a new relationship.

“I promise, I’ll remember.” 

“So,” Anael began, “are you going to tell mom and dad?” 

Cas wanted too, but he had the same reservations about telling his parents that he had about telling Anael. His sister was young, and was always vocal about her support of him and his life choices. His parents were a little harder to read. While he didn’t think they would be upset, or disown him, or something like that, he was concerned that it would make them uncomfortable and change things between them. 

The more he thought about it, he realized it would be pretty difficult to hide his relationship with Dean from them, so it would be best to be upfront about everything.

“I think I’ll tell them in the morning. I need to sleep on it. Let the reality truly hit me, because right now it still feels like a dream.”

Anael stood up and gave her brother a hug. “Well, I’m happy for you, and I’m sure mom and dad will be too. They love Dean, and they love you.”

“Thanks, sis.”

Cas went up to his room, plopping down on his bed. He just laid there for a while, thinking over the events of the day, playing the moment he and Dean kissed, over and over again in his head. As he drifted off, he didn’t worry about what his dreams would be, because they would be nothing compared to his reality. 


	12. Chapter 12

The next day, Dean had an extra pep in his step. As far as he was concerned, he was the luckiest man in Kansas. He didn’t even mind doing the dishes, because all he could think about was his first kiss with Cas. His first kiss with his boyfriend. His first boyfriend. It was all so good, and younger Dean would never believe it. 

He couldn’t keep all the excitement in, he had to tell somebody or he was going to explode. He pulled out his phone and texted his go-to girl.   
  


__ DW: Charlie, I know you’re probably still sleeping, but when you wake up, you have to call me ASAP! I have BIG NEWS!  
  


Dean passed the time by getting ahead on the dishes. He bounced around on his toes, placing dishes and cups in the cupboards. He was whistling a tune to himself when Sam walked in.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Sam asked, grabbing a bowl from the cupboard and fixing himself some cereal. 

“Nothing. Guess I woke up on the right side of the bed.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey!” Dean nearly dropped the glass he was washing. “Watch the language.”

Sam rolled his eyes, sitting down at the table. 

“Dishes make you miserable. It’s literally your least favorite thing to do.”

“I’m having a good day, so sue me.”

Sam didn’t have any further remarks, so Dean went back to washing. As Sam ate, he started clicking his spoon against the side of the bowl, a sound Dean would typically ignore except that Sam didn’t usually eat in the kitchen, he preferred to eat in the living room with the TV on, so he was clearly trying to get his attention. 

“Dean, can I ask you a question?”

There it was.

“Shoot.”

Sam stared at the bowl, watching his fruit loops race around in the milk. He didn’t really know how to ask what was on his mind, because it was embarrassing, but Dean was his big brother, and he should be able to ask him anything.

“When you like someone, how can you tell if they like you back?” Sam kept his eyes focused on the bowl. He had feelings that were more intense than they had been before, and he didn’t really know how to handle them.

“Aww. Sammy’s got a crush. Who is it?”

“You remember my friend Eileen, the one you let come over a couple weeks ago?”

“I knew it!” Dean spiked the sponge into the soapy water, then pointed his finger at Sam. “You’re totally in love with her.”

“Shut up, I am not.” Sam slurped up the last remaining loops. “She’s just really cute, and we like the same things, and she’s crazy smart.”

Dean could tell he really liked her, which was good because she seemed like the perfect fit for him. “Well, if you like her then ask her out.”

Sam looked mortified. He never asked a girl out before. His last girlfriend asked him out, so he never had to go through the terror of trying to find the right words, and the possibility of rejection. 

“What if she says no?”

“Then she says no. It’s not the end of the world. But she could also say yes, and I think that’s worth the risk, don’t you?”

Sam really liked Eileen, and he was pretty sure his feelings for her outweighed his fear of asking her out. In the back of his mind, he knew if she said no, it might make things weird between them, but that was a risk he was willing to take. 

“I guess you’re right. Thanks, Dean.”

“No problem kiddo.” 

Dean’s phone started ringing. It was Charlie. He quickly dried his hands and answered the call, running to his room and shutting the door behind him. 

“Hey, Charlie!”

“So what’s this big news?”

“You’re not gonna believe it.” Dean sat on his bed, legs crossed, grinning like an idiot. This was the first time in a long time he actually had good news to share with Charlie. 

“Did you get abducted by aliens who did a bunch of weird experiments on you, now you’re back and plan on writing a tell all book about the experience?” 

Dean didn’t answer. Out of all the responses he was expecting, that wasn’t even in the top 200. Then again, Charlie was always a little left of center.

“No.”

“Alright, because if you said yes, I’d probably believe it. Who knows what they’re hiding in Area 51.”

“Charlie.”

“Right. Sorry. Your news.”

“You know what?” Dean’s stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten anything yet. “I’d rather tell you in person. Want to meet up for froyo?”

“Hell yeah! It would be nice to see your face again, I was starting to forget what you look like.”

“Sorry, I know it’s been a while.”

“It’s alright. Meet you in 20?” 

“Sounds good.”

Dean hung up and threw on some clothes. He brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair. It was summer, he didn’t have to look completely put together. He slipped on his shoes, and headed for the door. He didn’t make sure his shoes were tied, so he tripped on the shoelaces and knocked over a lamp in the living room. He tried to pick it up before anyone would notice, but the commotion had already woken up John. 

“What the hell is going on out here?” Like a giant woken from hibernation, John emerged from his room, half asleep and livid.

“Sorry, dad. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Dean was scared. He didn’t know how John was going to react. Sometimes he’d go back to sleep, sometimes he’d yell, sometimes he’d get physical, it was anybody’s guess.

“You know I need to sleep. I worked a double and have to go back in at 6.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“And where are you going? It seems like you’re never home anymore. I walk in the door and the house is a mess, there’s no dinner cooked, laundry is still sitting in the machine.”

Dean knew he had fallen behind on the housework, but he was hoping John would just let it go. He should’ve known better.

“Sorry with work and everything, I’ve been kinda busy.”

“Well, I’m busy with work too. I can’t take care of this place by myself.”

It took everything in Dean not to scoff at that remark. He hadn’t seen John clean anything in the house in the past four years, except for when he got drunk and broke a bottle on the kitchen floor. Even then, Dean had to sweep up the glass he missed because he was too drunk to notice it. 

“I’ll try to be home more.”

“Good. I like that you’re out there earning your keep, but don’t forget about where your real responsibility lies.” 

Dean wondered what that meant. Was he supposed to be in charge of himself? Of Sam? Of John? He was only 18, but it seemed like he had been the head of the household since he was 14. Every day he became more and more excited about going to college because he’d finally get to be his own person. 

If he wanted to stay out late, he could. If he wanted to spend the night with Cas, he could. There would be no one there to tell him to cook dinner, or vacuum, or pick his brother up from soccer practice. He only had to wait another month, and he’d be out of there.

John lumbered back to his room, slamming the door shut. Dean waited until he could hear the low rumble of snoring before grabbing his keys and heading downtown to meet Charlie. 

Frozen yogurt was the best decision ever. Dean was a fan of keeping it simple. He got chocolate frozen yogurt, topped with peanut butter cups, m&ms, and chocolate syrup. Charlie, on the other hand, saw this as a challenge.

She got one part cotton candy, one part strawberry cheesecake, one part black raspberry, topped with two spoons of each flavor of the tapioca pearls, gummy bears, coconut flakes, cherries and whipped cream.

Dean stared at the monstrosity that she created. “You know you pay by weight, right?”

“Yup.” Charlie gave a proud smile, slipping one of the color-changing spoons into her bowl. She was something else. 

They paid, then sat down at a booth in the corner.

“So, how have you been? Are you nervous about college starting so soon?” Dean asked, genuinely curious about Charlie’s life. They hadn’t talked much about college, mostly because they didn’t want to think about being so far away from each other.

“I’m feeling okay. I’ve done most of my shopping. The packing has been super stressful. It’s like Sophie’s choice with certain things, ‘cause I know I can’t take everything, but I’ve never had to try to put my entire room into a couple suitcases before.”

Dean hadn’t even started shopping or packing. He figured he’d throw some clothes in a bag and buy a couple notebooks and figure out the rest when he got there. If he was missing anything, he was sure Cas would be there with a laminated check list of dorm room essentials, prepared to go into panic mode when he didn’t have a desk lamp or something.

“So,” Charlie paused to lick a dollop of whipped cream off her spoon, “what’s the big news that had to wait until you could tell me in person?” 

Dean swirled his frozen yogurt around in the cup, trying not to let his oversized smile give him away. “You know how I had that painfully obvious crush on Cas?”

Charlie paused, spoon frozen on its way to her mouth. “No, I missed that part.”

Dean playfully flipped her off. “Well, turns out, he had a crush on me too.”

“No way!”

“Thanks for the self esteem boost.”

“No, I just meant that’s awesome.”

“But wait, there’s more. We went to Fun Fair, and he won me this giant stuffed monkey, and he bought me a pretzel, it all seemed fake, honestly, because it was so sweet, but then he told me how much he liked me and…”

“And?”

Dean let the anticipation build, before blurting out “We kissed!”

Charlie coughed up a cherry, sending it rolling across the table, leaving a trail of red dye in its wake. “Dude, that’s such a movie moment, oh my god.” 

“You don’t even understand. After that, we went on the Ferris wheel and I asked him to be my boyfriend, and he said yes!” 

“So you and Cas are like… a couple?”

“Yeah we are. Then he kissed me as the sun set behind us. It was a total puke fest, but also the best thing ever.” Dean was love drunk on the memory, staring off into space as he replayed it in his mind. 

Dean was plucked from his reverie by the sound of his phone going off. It was a text from Cas.

“Hey, Cas just messaged me about this charity barbecue he’s running in Madison Park, you want to go?” Dean forgot all about it, even though Cas had mentioned it to him on the drive home last night. It seemed like it’d be a good time, and it’d be for a good cause.

“I’d love to hang out with you guys, but I’m actually meeting Dorothy for a lunch date.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Look at you.”

“You’re not the only one who’s been scoring in the romance department.” Charlie took a big bite of her frozen yogurt, the color now a purpley grey as everything had melted together. “But for real, I’m hella nervous.” 

“Why? There’s no need to be.”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“She wouldn’t have been your friend this long if she didn’t like you. Just show up, and be yourself, because you’re rad as hell, and she’ll love you.” 

“I am rad as hell aren’t I?”

“See, you’ll be fine.”

Dean’s phone went off again, this time it was Cas asking for his help.

**  
CN: SOS! Can you please run to the store and buy me about 30 frozen hamburgers. I’ll pay you back. We had WAY more people show up than I anticipated.**

**CN: P.S. - You’re the best, babe! <3  
  
**

“Well, it looks like I gotta go. Cas is experiencing a small catastrophe and I have to save the day.”

“Hashtag: Boyfriend To The Rescue!”

They packed up the leftovers and headed out. As they went their separate ways, Dean told Charlie to keep him updated on her date, and he promised he’d make an effort to spend more time with her. She threw up the Vulcan sign and pulled out of the parking lot, yelling “Later, dweeb!” as she drove off.

The park was full of people by the time Dean got there. Buying the burgers took longer than he planned, as the lady in front of him decided to throw a fit until the store would accept her expired coupon, but he could tell by the relieved look on Cas’s face that he had still made it on time.

“Thank you so much. You’re a life saver,” Cas said, grabbing the burgers and placing a quick kiss to Dean’s cheek.

There were several stations set up around the park. There were three grills, one for burgers, one for chicken, and one for hot dogs. There was a table for chips, one for water and soft drinks, one for salads, one for sides, and one for cups, plates and cutlery. There were even picnic tables set up so people could sit and enjoy their meal. There was a section for kids to play games, and chalk if they wanted to draw on the sidewalk. It was very well thought out.

Dean couldn’t help but be proud of his boyfriend for setting up something so amazing. He always heard Cas talk about his volunteer work, but he never saw it in action. To see how many people he was able to reach, to make their day a little brighter, only made him fall harder for his precious philanthropist. 

“You gonna stand there and gawk, or are you gonna help?” Cas asked, plopping a scoop of potato salad on a patron’s plate. “There’s an apron right here, hop on the grill. We could use the extra hands.”

Dean was a sucker for a firm tone. He put the apron on, thankful that he got the one that said “#1 Dad,” and not “Grilling Meat Softly (With His Tongs.)” Cas said he would be working with Phoenix, since they were working that grill alone and had to leave soon.

“Which one is Phoenix?” Dean asked, looking around the park.

“They’re the one with the bright yellow hair. They’re on burger duty, I figured you’d want to work on that station anyway.”

Dean walked over and introduced himself. After he said his name, and mentioned that he was a friend of Cas’s, Phoenix’s eyes lit up with realization. 

“Oh, you’re Cas’s boyfriend.”

Dean blushed, opening a bag of burgers. “I guess my reputation precedes me.” 

“He has not stopped talking about you,” they said, flipping a couple burgers on the grill. “You’re a lot cuter than I expected.”

“Um...thanks?” 

“Didn’t we go to school together?” Phoenix asked, moving some burgers from the grill to an aluminum pan nearby. 

“I think so. Did you have PE with Mr. Harrison, 3rd period?”

“Yes! He was the best. Always let me walk the track instead of playing the dumb sports.”

Dean sucked his teeth, “I was a fan of the dumb sports.”

“Yeah, but as I remember, you were actually good at them. I tried to play kickball one time, and not only did I miss the ball when I went to kick, but I tripped over first base and broke my nose.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. Sorry,” Dean said with a sympathetic tone to his voice.

“I’m over it now.” 

Phoenix scooted over so they could share the grill with Dean. Phoenix said he should cook the rare and medium rare burgers, and they’d handle the well done ones. Dean argued that well done burgers weren’t burgers, they were hockey pucks, but they had to feed a variety of people with a variety of tastes.

“Those are cool pins on your shirt,” Dean said, admiring the pops of color.

“Thanks. My mom got them for me for my birthday.”

“Pretty brave of you to wear them in this area,” Dean said, well aware that while it was 2019, and people have become a lot more progressive, they still lived in suburban Kansas. 

“Cas actually encouraged me to. He said this group is a safe place, and they’d always have my back if anything happened. Plus, when we’re out volunteering, it’s kind of like a bat signal for other non-binary and trans kids. They feel comfortable talking to me, when in some cases, they don’t have anyone else.” 

“That’s good to hear. From what I’ve seen, you guys are doing some amazing work. You should all be proud of yourselves.” 

Phoenix checked their phone, and realized they had spent too much time chatting. They wished Dean the best of luck, with both the burgers and his relationship, and headed out. 

“You look awfully cute in that apron, Daddy,” Cas said, joking about the “#1 Dad” logo as he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. 

“Please don’t ever say that to me again.”

“You might have to come over and give me a private barbecue some time, wearing  _ only _ the apron.”

Dean chuckled, “As much as I know you would enjoy that, I don’t think I want my sausage and potatoes that close to an open flame.” 

“Good point.”

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” A gentle voice came from across one of the tables. Cas looked up and saw a familiar face.

“Missouri, long time no see. What’s the word today?”

“A heart that gives big, is a heart that loves deep.” She smiled, eyeing Dean from over the grill. “And who is this handsome young man?”

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist, pulling him close. “This is my boyfriend, Dean. Dean this is my friend Missouri.” 

Dean wiped the grease from his hands, reaching out to shake Missouri's. 

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.” 

“Likewise. I must say you two are such a cute couple. All smitten and in the throes of young love. I tell you, there’s nothing like it.” 

Dean and Cas looked at each other, both knowing the magnitude of what they were feeling, but too scared of giving it that name. They liked each other, but they weren’t sure if they were ready to call it ... love. 

“Well, I just wanted to stop by and say hello. Enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.”

“Actually, Missouri.” Cas reached over the table and grabbed her arm. “Would it be ok if Dean and I took a picture with you?”

A smile grew from the corner of her lips to her eyes. “Of course sweetheart.” 

Cas pulled out his phone, and turned to the woman in charge of the drinks.

“Donna, could you take a picture of us?”

“Oh, you betcha.” Donna was a lively blonde woman, with a thick northern accent, and a laugh you could hear for miles. She worked at the police department, but liked to volunteer on her days off. “Alright, on the count of three, everyone say ‘BBQ Chicken Pizza!’”

She counted off, and they all shouted it, in spite of their confusion.

“What happened to good old fashioned ‘Cheese?’” Dean asked, assuming only Cas could hear him. He was wrong.

“Well, I read this article,” Donna began “about how if you say a word that ends in an “uh” sound, it makes you have a more natural smile.” 

“Well, I’m sure the picture turned out lovely,” Missouri said, with the same inflection that an old southern woman would say “bless your heart.” 

Cas pulled up the photo, and surprisingly enough, it did look good. It was going to look even better once he added it to their scrapbook. 

“I’ll make sure to make a copy of this for you,” Cas said, showing the picture to Missouri. 

She tried not to cry, because Cas always treated her like a person, and as an equal. The fact that he wanted to make sure she had a copy of a picture of them made it feel like they really were friends. It meant a lot.

“I’d really appreciate that, Castiel. I’ll see you later. Nice meeting you Dean.” 

“You too.”

They continued to feed families and strangers, the poor and middle class, and those who just wanted something to do on a Sunday afternoon. Dean finally understood why Cas loved doing this so much. It did feel good to give back, and it was even better to be doing it with someone he cared about. 

They packed up the leftover food, and cleaned up the trash as the afternoon began to fade. Tired, they sat next to each other on one of the picnic benches and looked at the city skyline in the distance. The lights flickered like shooting stars, and just for the sake of it, Dean wished that the rest of his life would be filled with moments like this. 

Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Thank you so much for coming.” 

Dean leaned his head on top of Cas’s and linked their hands together between them. It was a small gesture, but it was so intimate. Dean couldn’t recall ever feeling this content. This at peace. This loved.

“There’s no place I’d rather be.”

On the drive home from the park, Dean invited Cas to stay the night at his house. John was working a double and wouldn’t be home till the next day. Moments like these were few and far between, so Dean figured he’d take advantage of it. 

Dean checked in on Sam, making sure he was still alive. He was in the middle of making something called a TikTok, so Dean left him to it. 

“So, what do you want to do?” Dean asked, plugging his phone into the charger.

“I’m thinking a little bit of this.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and pulled him into a kiss. The bit of stubble coating Dean’s chin pricked against his skin. “I see somebody skipped shaving.”

“I was thinking about growing it out.”

Cas slid his hands down Dean’s cheeks. “You’re going to be my little lumberjack man?” 

“I do have a talent for handling wood.” 

Cas laughed, dropping his head into his hand out of embarrassment. “So anyway, there are plenty of movies in our list if you want to go through and pick one.” 

Since Dean didn’t have cable in his room, Cas was kind enough to share his Netflix account with him. It worked out well because they already had a pre-made list of things they wanted to watch together in moments like this, so they didn’t have to waste time browsing.

“I want to watch the deep sea documentary. I can feel a headache coming on, and the soothing voice of David Attenborough always knocks me out.” 

Cas clicked play before heading to the kitchen. He searched through the cupboards and decided to make some tea. When he was done, he headed back to Dean’s room, two mugs in his hands.

“You made tea?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. “I appreciate the gesture, but I’m not really a tea person.”

“I know,” Cas said, setting his mug on the dresser. He handed Dean the other mug, hoping his choice was a good one. “I found some hot chocolate in your cupboard, and made that for you. I used milk, so it should be extra creamy, and hopefully it’ll make you sleepy.”

“Thank you.” Dean smiled, blowing gently to cool off the drink before taking a sip. It was delicious. Cas was always thoughtful that way. It made Dean feel like he was special, like he was worthy of being spoiled. He was usually the one making sure everyone else was being taken care of, so he appreciated moments like this when the roles got to be reversed. 

Cas sat on the bed, squeezing in behind Dean so he sat between his legs. “I think a nice massage should help with your headache.”

Dean agreed, leaning back against Cas’s chest. Just being that close to Cas made him relax. It made him feel comfortable and safe. 

Cas started out by massaging Dean’s shoulders, carefully working his thumbs into the base of his neck. He moved his hands up to rub circles into Dean’s jaw, then up to his temples. Cas let his hands trail down Dean’s back, slipping them under the hem of his shirt. Dean’s skin was soft and warm. He had Dean lift his arms so he could take the shirt off. 

He traced patterns with his fingernails down Dean’s back. It tickled more than anything, but the gentle scratches felt amazing. 

Cas moved his hands back up to Dean’s shoulders before wandering into Dean’s hair. He massaged his scalp with the pads of his fingers, watching as Dean melted into the touch. 

“I love when you play with my hair,” Dean said, voice hazy as if he was put under a spell. He might as well have been, people playing with his hair was his kryptonite, and Cas’s hands were magic. 

Cas held Dean tight to his chest, continuing to run his fingers through his hair. The sounds Dean was making were beautiful, soft little purrs and whimpers. 

He pulled lightly at Dean’s hair, getting him to tilt his head back as he kissed his way down Dean’s neck to his shoulder.

“I love making you feel good.” For Cas, there was no better feeling than being able to make Dean smile or get him out of his own head. He knew Dean didn’t feel comfortable asking for things like this when he wanted them, but he was much more receptive if it was Cas’s idea. 

Taking a chance, Cas grazed his teeth over Dean’s skin, not hard enough to be a real bite, but enough that Dean could feel it. It was game over. Dean was like putty in Cas’s arms, lost in the moment. 

This time Dean’s moan wasn’t subtle, but he was too gone to care.

“I take it you like that,” Cas asked, a smug grin spreading across his face. 

Dean didn’t bother speaking, words were too far away from where he was, so he just nodded. 

Much to Dean’s disappointment, Cas pulled away, leaving him with a kiss on the cheek. He insisted that Dean needed to get some rest, and as much as Dean wanted to, he couldn’t argue with that. 

“I’ll tell you what.” Cas pulled the covers back so they could both get underneath them, the documentary still playing in the background. “We can cuddle if you want.”

“Okay.” 

Cas placed a kiss on the tip of Dean’s nose. “Do you want to be big spoon or little spoon?” Part of Cas didn’t even know why he asked, the answer was always the same.

“Little spoon.” 

After setting an alarm for 9am, Cas climbed into bed behind Dean. It was only a few minutes before they fell asleep, Dean at peace in his boyfriend’s arms, Cas happy to finally have someone to hold. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter.

Another week had flown by. Cas took up an offer from his neighbor to walk her dog in the mornings. Mrs. Donnaley was nearly 90 years old, with a bad hip and a walker, it was the least Cas could do. He offered to do it for free, but she insisted that she pay him for helping out. He wasn’t going to argue with her, so he accepted. He could use the extra cash.

Dean had a much more stressful week. He was on edge because Meg quit her position at the movie theater, and everyone had to take up extra shifts to make up for it. By the time Saturday rolled around, Dean never wanted to see a piece of popcorn ever again. 

After he clocked out, he headed straight to Cas’s house. It wasn’t too late, maybe 9:30. He couldn’t wait to be wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms. He pre-made dinner at home before he left for work, that way John wouldn’t yell at him. Sam agreed to sweep and vacuum, since he didn’t have anything else going on, and the laundry could wait another day or two. 

As soon as Dean rang the doorbell, Cas was there, greeting him with a hug. They hadn’t been able to see each other all week, and for the first time in a while, they were actually missing each other. Not that he’d admit it, but Cas had to lock himself out of his phone a couple times so that he wouldn’t quadruple text Dean. 

It wasn’t his fault the temptation was so strong. He was completely infatuated with his boyfriend, and if he could, he’d spend every day with him. Maybe if Dean would stop being so damn cute, it wouldn’t be so hard to go a week without seeing him.

“You gotta let me shower first, I smell like popcorn and fake butter,” Dean complained.

Cas reluctantly agreed, Dean having pried himself from Cas’s grip. He didn’t mind though. It was nice not having to wonder if his feelings were being returned.

Dean headed upstairs, grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants from the drawer that Cas cleared out for him in his dresser. Dean would’ve loved to do the same for Cas, but he didn’t want to risk John finding out. 

He took a quick shower, and slipped into his clean clothes, thrilled to have washed the movie theater stench from his skin. When he walked back to Cas’s room, he found Cas lying on his side of the bed, reading a book, legs tucked under the blanket. Next to him, the blanket was folded over and the pillows were fluffed, ready for Dean to jump right in.

“You have no idea how thankful I am to see a nice clean bed right now,” Dean said, crawling underneath the covers. The second his head hit the pillow, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. 

“I know you’ve been busy, and you’re tired,” Cas said, marking his place in his book before setting it on the bedside table. 

“And all I want to do is cuddle.” Dean rolled over, placing his head against Cas’s chest, his arm draped across his waist. 

“Yeah, we can do that.” Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, gentle and soothing. It was still a little wet, and smelled like shampoo. A couple days ago, Cas went out and bought a bottle of Dean’s favorite shampoo and conditioner. He figured it’d be a good investment since Dean would be staying over more frequently. Dean thought it was sweet. 

Dean yawned as Cas continued to massage his scalp. He felt like he was floating. Cas leaned down and placed a few light kisses to Dean’s forehead, slipping his hand underneath Dean’s shirt to rub his back. It was a different kind of intimacy, just sharing their space and being close. Dean could hear the faint pulse of Cas’s heartbeat in his ear. He was dreadfully close to saying those three words that sat on the tip of his tongue. But he wasn’t ready. Not yet. 

“Can you sing me a song?” Dean asked, melting into Cas’s touch.

“You sure you wanna hear my voice?”

“I love your voice.”

“Okay.” Cas took a moment to think about what song he wanted to sing, and decided to go with one of his favorites. “Lay Me Down” by Sam Smith. He cleared his throat and softly began singing, “ _ Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was, right there, right next to you. _ ”

“Are you trying to make me cry?” Dean interrupted, but Cas paid him no mine and kept singing. It was one of Dean’s favorite songs as well, and though Cas struggled to hit some of the high notes, Dean didn’t seem to mind.

“ _ I'm reaching out to you. Can you hear my call? This hurt that I've been through, I'm missing you, missing you like crazy. _ ”

“Aww, babe, I’ve missed you too,” Dean said sleepily. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t make you sing the harmonies,” Cas joked, tracing his thumb along Dean’s cheek. He looked so cute, Cas almost couldn’t take it.

“Maybe next time.” Dean snuggled closer to Cas, the gentle rumble of his voice putting him at ease. It was like a lullaby. 

“ _ Can I lay by your side, next to you?”  _ As Cas continued singing, Dean mumbled along, smiling. _ “And make sure you're alright. I'll take care of you. I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight. _ ”

Dean was drifting off to sleep as Cas finished the song. Mindful not to disturb his boyfriend, Cas carefully reached over and turned off the desk light. The room was pitch black, but that was okay. Neither of them needed to see what was happening in the moment. 

It was enough to be together, letting the rhythmic rise and fall of the other’s breath lull them to sleep.

The next morning Dean was awoken by the delicious smell of pancakes and bacon. Mrs. Novak must’ve been making one of her famous Sunday morning breakfasts. As his eyes fluttered open, he realized he was wrong. Turns out, Cas had made him breakfast in bed, complete with orange juice, toast, and jam. It was served on one of those wooden bed tables that fit over your lap. 

“I made some sweets for my sweet,” Cas said, carefully setting up the tray.

“Babe, you didn’t have to do all this.” Dean’s eyes were aglow, and his mouth watering.

“I know, but I wanted to. Besides,” Cas said, stepping out into the hall, coming back with a second tray, “I made one for me too.” 

They sat in bed together, eating their breakfast, talking about what they wanted to do. Cas wanted to jump right back into completing their list, but Dean felt like they should take a break.

“Look, I know you want to get this list done by the end of the summer, but we’ve been go, go, going like … every weekend. I just want to stay in and spend some time with you.”

“That’s fine. It looks like it’s gonna rain today anyway.” Cas shoved a syrup drenched piece of pancake in his mouth. He was surprised it didn’t activate his gag reflex, so he must have overcome the trauma of Ellen’s pancake challenge. “So, what about next week? Is it okay for me to plan an activity for the weekend?”

“Sure, what do you want to do?”

“I want to go to the zoo. I looked on their website, and they’re having an entire exhibit about my favorite animal.”

“Dare I ask what your favorite animal is?”

Cas was quick to answer, “Bees.”

Dean froze, fork midair with a strawberry topped piece of pancake on it, staring skeptically at Cas. “Bees aren’t animals.”

“Are so.” Cas jabbed back.

“Are not. They’re insects, they don’t count.”

“All insects are animals,” Cas said, lips pursed, with an “I know I’m right” look plastered on his face.

“Not where I come from.” Dean sat his table on the floor next to the bed.

“They’re responsible for a large portion of our food’s pollination.” Cas’s tone was not unlike that of an offended lawyer, ready to defend their point using a 15 slide Powerpoint presentation. “And, fun fact, they don’t have lungs.”

“I’m pretty sure animals need lungs.”

“Whatever. Sorry I don’t like big snakes or orangutans or whatever it is you like.”

“I’m a fan of tigers.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “You would be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a jungle cat. An apex predator. They have impeccable strength and agility. They’re very dominant creatures, who like to keep a low profile. And they’re pretty.” Cas tilted his head to the side. “Seems like what you go for.”

“Oh really?”

“Yup.” Cas set his tray on the ground then locked eyes with his prey. He crawled forward on his hands and knees, stalking, slowly, methodical. “The quiet type with the unexpected ability to strike.”

Cas pounced forward, knocking Dean onto his back. He straddled his waist, pinning his arms over his head, a firm grip on either wrist. He dipped his head down so he was only a few centimeters above Dean’s face. 

Dean gulped, body trembling, eyes locked on Cas. He didn’t know Cas had this side to him, but you could mark him down as scared and horny. 

As Cas spoke, Dean could feel the warm, syrupy sweetness of his breath ghost over his lips. His pupils were blown wide with lust. He didn’t know where this was headed, but he was excited to find out. 

“Someone who knows what they want, and isn’t afraid to go for it.” 

Cas lifted the hem of Dean’s shirt, leaving a trail of kisses from his belly button up to his chest, until he was able to take it off. Even though Cas had seen Dean shirtless plenty of times before, this time it was entirely different. 

With fumbling hands, he grasped the waistband of Dean’s pants. He looked up with questioning eyes at the boy lying beneath him. “Is this okay?”

Dean nodded, “More than okay.”

Cas moved them ever so slightly, barely revealing Dean’s hips. His boxers began to slide down as well, and the reality of what was about to happen hit Cas like a meteor. He froze, and Dean must’ve noticed because he asked if everything was ok. 

“You look really uncomfortable.” Dean didn’t mean it in a rude way, rather just that Cas looked like a deer in headlights. 

“Honestly, I’m really scared right now,” Cas admitted through a forced smile.

Dean sat up, his weight propped up on his arms. “Hold on. Are  _ you _ okay with this?”

Just like that, Dean’s entire demeanor changed. He was searching Cas’s face for any sign of doubt, any sign that he wasn’t totally on board with what was happening. He’d hate to pressure Cas into doing something he didn’t want to do.

“Yeah. I mean, yes. I’m just nervous. I’ve never done this before and I don’t want to mess it up.” Cas turned his head down, bashful and suddenly intimidated. He could pretend to be in control all he wanted, but he knew it was an act. Dean was going to see right through him and realize what a mistake it was to date him. 

“Hey,” Dean said, lifting Cas’s chin with his thumb and index finger. “Don’t worry about messing it up. We’re doing this together, learning about each other as we go.”

Dean’s words boosted Cas’s confidence. He felt a little better knowing Dean didn’t have some crazy porn-like expectations of him, because he would not be able to live up to that. 

“Have you ever?” Cas asked, wondering if Dean was in the same boat as he was.

“With a guy? Just once. We met at a friend’s party and hooked up, but that was a while ago.” Dean watched as Cas’s expression fell again. 

“Oh.” Cas sat back on his heels. He looked like he might cry.

Dean took Cas’s hands in his own, “Look at me. That doesn’t matter. I want to be with you, Cas. Not some pretend version of you, not you trying to be something you think I want, because this, right in front of me, is what I want. The real you.”

And with that, Cas leaned down and kissed Dean with no worries, no fear, just the desire to be closer to him, and be connected with him on a deeper level. 

Dean moaned into it, Cas taking the opportunity to let his tongue travel past his parted lips. It was weird. A jumbled mess of saliva and teeth, but it was also so good. 

Dean’s hands snuck beneath Cas’s shirt, trailing his fingers over his shoulder blades, and down his spine. His movements were frenzied, trying to touch more and more of Cas. Desperate and needy, he scratched his nails down Cas’s back. 

Cas broke away from the kiss with a yelp, sitting back on his heels.

“Shit, was that too much?” Dean asked, pulling his hands away like he touched a hot stove. 

“No, no, no, it’s good. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Cas lifted his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. He grabbed both of Dean’s hands and encouragingly placed them back on his shoulders.

They continued to make out, until Cas felt brave and asked if his mouth could explore a region, slightly further south, that it had never visited before. Dean enthusiastically said yes, taking off his pants so Cas didn’t have to worry about it. 

He told Cas to go slow. No need to rush. He could take his time, ease into it, learn what works and doesn’t work. Cas tried a couple different things, but he ended up feeling self-conscious when Dean hit his gag reflex and he almost threw up. Dean told him it was fine and not to worry about it. It happens, but Cas’s mood was thrown off. 

“You know what? Let me show you how much I want to be with you,” Dean said, flipping them over so that Cas was on his back. Dean kissed his way down Cas’s body, taking his time to tease him. Dean could’ve watched Cas like that all day. So responsive and beautiful. 

“Please,” Cas gasped, trying to comprehend the new sensations he was feeling. He couldn't take it. 

“Please what?” Dean asked with a sly smile.

“More. I want more.” Cas looked down at Dean, his lips trembling and his eyes glossy like he might cry if Dean teased him any longer.

Dean took pity on him, sliding his boxers down and taking him into his mouth for the first time. Dean didn’t know what was more arousing, the act itself, or the effect he had on Cas. It was intoxicating. The little noises he made, the way he tried to restrain himself from bucking up into his mouth, the fact that Dean was the first person to see him like that. Cas fell apart under his touch, his kiss, his body. It was stunning.

“Cas,” Dean said, lips luscious and glistening. “I don’t want you to feel any pressure. We can keep doing this if you want. But...”

“What?” 

Dean wanted Cas to be comfortable, he didn’t want him to do anything without completely consenting to it, but he also knew that he, too, needed more. “I’d really want to have sex with you. If you’re okay with that.”

“I, um … Ok.” Cas was terrified, but Dean had been so good, and non-judgmental so far that he knew it would be ok. “How do you want to … do this?”

As much as Dean loved the idea of Cas riding him until he made a mess of himself, he figured that could wait till a later date. 

“You top, that way I can kind of walk you through it. Less pressure.” 

Cas had no idea what he was doing, but just like he said, Dean talked him through it. He made sure Cas put the condom on correctly, told him that lube was his friend, and then he showed Cas how he liked to touch himself so he had something to go off of. 

Cas could’ve come from that sight alone, but thankfully he was able to keep himself under control. He’d never live down the embarrassment if his first time ended before he even had sex.

He was worried that his inexperience would get in the way, but Dean made him feel comfortable. Cas held Dean’s hand as he slid inside for the first time. It was indescribable. Sure it felt good, physically, but being that close to another person was like touching the sun. It was overwhelming, and before he knew it, his mouth was back on Dean’s. It was comforting and grounding. They truly were in it together. 

Cas started to move, and with some encouragement from Dean, built up a steady pace. It was a little faulty at first, but he got the hang of it. Cas knew Dean said he only cared about being with him, but the voice in his head told him he couldn’t mess this up. He kept asking Dean if he was doing it right, and as long as he kept saying yes, he was okay.

Dean could feel the pleasure building inside him. He felt high. It wasn’t like he never had sex before, but it was nothing like this. This was intense. It was intimate. This was with someone he loved.

“That’s it, Cas. You’re doing so good,” Dean panted.

They were both on the edge, Dean pulling Cas close, their bodies melting into one. 

“I want you to come with me. Please come with me, Dean,” Cas pleaded, his voice low and strained. He reached a hand between them, stroking Dean as he continued to move inside him. “God, you’re perfect.” 

Cas leaned down, licking and sucking at Dean’s neck. He kissed his way up to Dean’s ear, whispering filthy things as Dean clenched around him. He slowed down, waiting until Dean was a shaking mess beneath him, and he was right on the edge as well.

“Come for me,” Cas said in a desperate voice, and that was all it took. 

Dean came with a cry of Cas’s name, back arched, head thrown back. He wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him close as wave after wave of pleasure pulsed through his body. It wasn’t much longer until Cas came inside of him.

It was an experience like no other. As Dean started to come back down, he no longer felt the fear of saying how he felt. 

“I love you.” It was barely audible at first, Dean’s mind still floating in a sea of euphoria. He ran his hands up and down Cas’s back, grasping for something he couldn’t seem to find. Dean wasn’t close enough to him. He still wanted more. He never wanted to let go. “I love you so much.” 

Cas wanted to respond, but his head was swimming with so many different emotions, he couldn’t speak. 

They laid there, tangled up in each other for a couple minutes, soaking up the magic of the moment they just shared. Dean turned on his side, so he could be the little spoon. He felt cherished and protected with Cas’s body surrounding him. That was, until it wasn’t anymore.

“Come back,” Dean complained as Cas rolled over to toss the used condom in the wastebasket. He did it as quickly as he could, then rolled right back and resumed cuddling with Dean.

“That was…” Dean sighed, unable to find the appropriate words.

“Yeah, I know.” 

“I just want you to know that I meant it,” Dean said, turning his head to look into Cas’s eyes. He looked beautiful, his hair all messed up, his face beaming in a post-orgasmic glow. “I love you.” 

Cas dotingly placed a kiss to Dean’s lips, a humble smile spreading across his face. He pulled Dean tight to his chest, his arms wrapped around him. It felt like the start of forever.

“I love you too.” 

Dean and Cas spent the rest of the day watching movies from their list. Well, almost. Cas wanted to watch Bee Movie, and Dean pointed out that it was not on their list of movies to watch. Cas didn’t care, and said they could watch it in place of A Clockwork Orange. Dean said he heard it was supposed to be a visionary film, or something like that, but Cas’s opinion couldn’t be swayed.

“I watched the first 15 minutes of it, and I’ll never get those 15 minutes of my life back. I’m vetoing A Clockwork Orange, and replacing it with Bee Movie.” 

Dean wasn’t going to argue any further, so they ended up watching Bee Movie, and two of the Star Wars films. It was a Cas-run movie marathon, but Dean wasn’t complaining. He got to spend the day cuddling with his boyfriend, exactly like he wanted. 

As it got late, Dean decided to call it a night. He had to open the theater the next morning and wanted to actually get enough sleep. 

He kissed Cas goodnight, thanked Mrs. Novak for letting him stay over, and headed home. 

The second he got in the door, he rushed to his room, jumped on his bed, and just laid there, taking in everything that had happened. It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, and definitely more than he deserved. 

He pulled out his phone and texted Charlie a gif of Andy Samberg saying “I Just Had Sex.” 

Charlie sent back about 20 surprised face emojis, followed by an OMG, then a vaguely concerned “...it was with Cas, right?” 

Dean laughed, because of course it was with Cas, but whatever. He told her about their couple’s day in, and how he was developing feelings that he never felt before. He even suggested that she and Dorothy go on a double date with him and Cas. He figured it would be a good opportunity to get to know Dorothy, and Cas could use more friends.

Dean had been thinking about it ever since Charlie told him about their first date. It went well. She and Dorothy went to a bistro downtown and split a pizza while discussing their love of Lord of the Rings. Then when Charlie walked Dorothy to her door, they kissed, just like in the movies. 

She said she’d have to think about it, because while she would like to merge the friend groups, she didn’t know if she wanted to subject her girlfriend to an hour long display of Dean shoving his tongue down Cas’s throat. 

After their conversation, Dean started getting his things ready for work. He looked all around his room for his uniform, but he couldn’t find it. He checked his closet, his hamper, the bathroom, the laundry. Nothing. 

Then he remembered that he wore it to Cas’s house, and he must’ve left it there on accident. 

_   
DW: Can you check if I left my uniform at your house? _

**  
CN: Sure, one sec.  
  
**

Dean waited, hoping Cas said yes, because if it wasn’t there he was screwed.

**  
CN: Yup, I found it.**

_   
DW: Sweet! Would it be ok if I swing by in the morning before work and pick it up? _

**  
CN: I can just bring it to you now. I don’t have to be up early or anything.**

  
Dean could hear the rain pelting his window. A storm must’ve started while he was looking for his uniform. It didn’t seem terrible, but the streets were probably slick and the wind was blowing strong.

_   
DW: The weather’s kinda bad, and I don’t want you to drive out here for that. _

**  
CN: It’s no problem. It’ll make your morning easier. I’ll be there in few. :)**

_   
DW: Alright. Thank you! _

  
Dean watched a couple YouTube videos and played games on his phone to pass the time. It was about a 10 minute drive from Cas’s house to his, give or take, but Dean figured with the weather being what it was, it would take longer.

After 20 minutes, Dean started getting a little antsy.    
  


_ DW: Hey, have you left yet? Just checking ‘cause it’s been a while. _

_ DW: Not that I’m rushing you. Just want to make sure you’re ok! _

  
Another five minutes went by with no answer. Dean was worried, his head starting to spin with thoughts of the worse.

_   
DW: Ok, I’m really starting to get worried. Are you ok? _

  
It wasn’t like Cas to not answer. And even on his most cautious driving days, it wouldn’t take that long to get to Dean’s house. Something was up. 

Dean decided to try calling Cas, maybe he had the phone on silent and he didn’t feel the vibrations from the text notifications. He waited as the phone rang, whispering “pick up, pick up, pick up.” But it went to voicemail. 

He called again, but the same thing happened. Voicemail. 

Dean felt his throat tighten with panic. If his phone was dead, it would’ve gone straight to voicemail, it wouldn’t have rung. Why wasn’t he answering his phone? 

Dean opened his texts again, this time messaging Cas’s sister.

_   
DW: Hi Anael, it’s Dean. I don’t know if you’re home, but can you check to see if Cas left? He said he was headed over to my house to bring me something, and he hasn’t showed up yet. _

**  
AN: He’s not here. Mom said he left about a half hour ago.**

  
That was the exact opposite of what Dean wanted to hear. What if Cas drove off the road and was lying in a ditch somewhere? What if he stopped to get gas and was mugged? What if he cut off someone with road rage, and they attacked him? 

He felt nauseated and dizzy. He wouldn’t know what to do if something happened to Cas. That was his best friend, his boyfriend, the potential love of his life. All he had to do was pick up the damn phone.

Dean dialed Cas’s number again, and again. No answer. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to call the cops, because Cas could be fine, but at the same time, he didn’t know. He felt helpless.

He couldn’t sit idle and do nothing, so he grabbed his keys and decided to drive down the road in search of Cas. He checked down the side roads as he traveled in the rain. The visibility was low and the wind made it hard to stay on the road. 

As he turned around the bend, he saw the smoke clouds rising. The shrill sound of a car horn droned like a warning. The stench of gasoline filled the air. Dean’s heart could’ve stopped.

The second he laid eyes on the blue minivan, it was as if he had slipped underwater. Everything was hazy, like he was fighting the pull of the current with every step that he took, wading around stray beams of light. The dull murmur of every sound, a muffled background noise. He was right there, and seemingly ten miles apart from the boy he loved.

Dean ran to the driver’s side of the van. He tried to open the door, but it was jammed shut. Cas was sitting there, unconscious, held up by his seat belt. Dean tried banging on the window, but Cas didn’t respond. He had blood pouring down his face, it looked like he hit his head on something. 

“Cas!” Dean screamed, wailing his fists against the glass, desperately trying to either break it or have Cas respond in some way. 

The rain was pouring down, soaking Dean as he continued to fight his way into the car. It was no use. He couldn’t get in. He took a step back, trying to catch his breath. He heard the echo of sirens in the distance, getting closer and closer.

Then everything else was a blur.


	14. Chapter 14

Silence. The loudest sound in the room, louder than the ticking of the clock, the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor, the sobs from his mother, was the complete and absolute absence of sound coming from Cas’s body. 

A silence that seemed so ill fitting for the type of person Cas always was. No small talk, or random facts, no discussion of adventure. Just utter silence.

The doctors worked on him from the second he got to the hospital. The paramedics said he died once on the ride over. It was hours. They didn't know if he would live or die. 

His entire family rushed over, scared, confused, in shock, in denial. They met Dean, who was sitting in the waiting room, zoned out and numb. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he found Cas. The blood and the smell of carnage. 

It was nearly 3am when the doctor finally came out and told them that Cas was stable. He wasn’t conscious, and they weren’t sure if he’d be able to breathe on his own for a while, but he was alive. In the midst of something terrible, that little but of good news was enough to keep Dean’s hope alive. 

Dean called into work. His mind would be on Cas all day if he went in, and it just wasn’t worth it. He wanted to stay by Cas’s side as long as he could. He went to the store and bought some plants to lighten up the room. He read somewhere that they absorb negative energy. He didn’t fact check it, but he wasn’t in the mood for facts. 

The facts said that Cas wouldn’t wake up for at least 21 days. The facts said that he may not be able to walk. The facts said that he was fighting for his life, and all anyone could do was wait. 

So screw the facts. Dean was running on faith alone. Not particularly faith in science, or a higher power, or destiny, but faith in Cas. Cas was strong. Cas was a fighter. If anyone could pull himself back from something so catastrophic, it was Castiel Novak. 

Dean was in good company. Mr. and Mrs. Novak and Anael showed up. The younger brothers wanted to come, but their parents weren’t sure if they needed to see their older brother like that. They figured they’d wait until most of the cuts and bruises healed, then they could go in the room. 

It felt awkward at first, no one really knowing what to say. Mrs. Novak kept fluffing Cas’s pillows and making sure the blanket was tucked in. She was still his mother, regardless of whether or not he was present to be her son. 

Dean had a hard time processing it. It seemed like Cas would sit up at any second and they’d talk about taking that trip to the zoo. But he didn’t. He just laid there, the I.V. dripping, a mess of cords running from his body like a swarm of snakes.

It wasn’t fair that Cas was trapped in that hospital bed. He was the most generous, caring, kind-spirited and adventurous person Dean knew. He deserved more than that antiseptic hell. 

Dean thought about how he’d gladly change places with him. Cas was destined to change the world. He’d probably start some transformative non-for-profit and end homelessness in America, or cure world hunger, but he couldn’t do any of that, because he was stuck in a coma. 

What was Dean good for? He could barely make it into college, he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, he had no plan, and he’s the one who gets to walk around and live his life? How the hell was that fair? He knew that life wasn’t always fair, he wasn’t naive enough to think so, but this was a serious “Fuck You” sent straight from God. 

Dean, and Cas’s family stayed until visiting hours were over. It was hard to get Mrs. Novak to leave. She was too afraid that something would happen while she was gone and she wouldn’t be there for her child’s last breath. Mr. Novak told her not to think like that. The doctors said he was getting better, and they had to keep their morale up. 

The drive home felt like a hallucination. Dean wasn’t even sure if all the lights he drove through were green. It felt like he had been away for a week, his eyes had dark circles underneath them, his limbs felt heavy, his thoughts were clouded. 

When he walked in the door, John was sitting on the couch. He didn’t know what to expect, but he knew a conversation was coming. He didn’t have the energy to deal with a John Winchester rant, but he doubted John would even care. He never noticed anything unless it was Dean messing up. 

“Damn, son. You look like a train hit you,” John said, setting his beer on the table. 

Dean didn’t say anything. He knew he looked terrible. He wanted to wait and see what John really wanted to talk about. 

“I heard your friend is in the hospital.”

“Heard from who?” Dean asked, wondering if they knew any of the same people.

“Sam told me.”

That made sense. Dean had texted Sam saying Cas was in an accident and that he wouldn’t be home. He should’ve known John would ask questions.

“Yeah. Cas got into a pretty bad car accident. He um…” Dean’s throat got tight, but he tried his best to keep his jaw square and his emotions in check. He couldn’t let his father see him cry. “He’s in a coma.” 

“Jesus, kid. Come sit down.” 

Dean hesitated, wary of accepting the offer. John wasn’t the “let’s sit down and talk about our feelings” type, but Dean figured he give his father the benefit of the doubt, and he took a seat.

“Let me tell you a story.” John took a sip from his bottle, trying to figure out where to start. “When I was about 20, one of my best friends, Allen Reilly, and I went swimming at the lake. There was a rope swing round the back way that all the kids used to jump off of. Well, Allen didn’t really want to jump. He was scared of heights and all that, but all the rest of us who were there were jumping, and we wanted him to jump too.” 

John took a long swig from his beer bottle, gulping it down. 

“So we kept telling him to jump, and we were pushing him, and jeering, until finally he grabbed hold of the rope.” 

“If this story ends with Allen drowning in the lake, I’d prefer not to hear it.” 

“He didn’t. One of the kids pushed him, and he didn’t have a good grip on the rope. He uh… slipped and fell about 25 ft. He hit the rocks that lined the shore and it messed him up bad. He couldn’t talk or eat on his own afterwards. So, he was alive, but who he was before that day was gone.”

“Well, thanks for that uplifting story. Really appreciate it,” Dean said, sarcastically.

“What I’m saying is, I know what it’s like to lose a friend. It’s hard.”

“Well I haven’t lost Cas, and I don’t plan on losing him.” 

“Son,” John shook his head, letting out a sigh, “you have to plan for the worst. Life don’t always go the way you want it, especially for us Winchesters.”

“No.” Dean stood up, casting aside his father’s sentiment. “Cas is going to pull through because I believe in him. I believe in what he means to me. So everyone who thinks otherwise can go straight to hell, because my friend is not dying!”

The tears started to pour as Dean sunk to the ground. His sobs shook his body as everything he had been trying to hold in finally came to the surface. He felt his father’s arms lift him up, and pull him into a hug. If it wasn’t for his tight grip, Dean would’ve fallen right back to the ground.

“It’s alright, Dean. It’s gonna be alright.” John tried to soothe his son, an action that felt alien to both of them. Dean couldn’t remember the last time John gave him a hug, let alone consoled him. 

Maybe the situation stirred up memories of Mary. Losing her was the hardest thing any of them ever had to live through. John never really seemed to recover, but he knew he didn’t want his son to bear that kind of pain on his own.

So they stood there in the middle of the living room, a man who lost the love of his life, the other scared that he eventually will. They didn’t say anything more. John simply held Dean in his arms, and let him cry. 


	15. Chapter 15

The doctors said that it would take some time for Cas to heal. He had a very bad concussion from the crash, so it looked like he’d be in a coma for at least three weeks. That was hard news to swallow. 

Dean switched his hours around at work so that he could still visit Cas. After the initial shock of what happened wore off, Dean knew he’d need something to keep him occupied during the day. His boss was understanding. 

He thought it would be sweet to make a mixtape-style playlist to count down the days until his boyfriend would be back. He compiled 21 different songs into a playlist titled “Get Well Soon” to play to Cas each day he visited. Some of them were personal favorites, some of them were guilty pleasures, some of them were songs he knew Cas loved, even though he hated them.

**Day 1: Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas**

The room was quiet. Cas’s family had visited earlier that day, Mr. Novak finally getting through to them that they couldn’t spend every waking moment in the hospital, they had to continue living their lives. It was just Dean and Cas.

“I hope you like this song. It’s one of my favorites. Dad used to blast it on road trips when we were little. Sam used to think one of the lyrics was “like an eagle dismembered,” and he would scream it at the top of his lungs, and Dad would laugh.” Dean sat in the chair next to Cas, and pulled the song up on his phone. “Anyway, maybe one day we can play it on a road trip of our own.” 

**Day 2: Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen**

Dean showed up wearing his brand new collegiate sweatpants and lanyard with his I.D. hanging from it. 

“Okay, so before we get into this, I just wanted to let you know that I went to orientation today. The campus is pretty sweet. Saw lots of frat houses on the way in, so we’ll probably have a wide variety of parties to choose from. I saw the building we’ll be living in. Hopefully we get one of the first four floors, because all of those have been redone, but the upper floors look like they haven’t been touched since 1972.”

Dean asked his orientation leaders what Cas should do since he’s not able to attend orientation. He was told that it would have to be handled by the administrative offices, but it shouldn’t be too hard to straighten out.

“We’ve got a classic lined up for today, Cas. I know this one seems cliche, but if some part of you is active in there, I know you won’t be able to resist trying to sing all of the parts.” Dean scrolled through his music library, clicking play on the song.

**Day 3: Rather Be- Clean Bandit**

“I picked this song because you sang it to me when we went to the mall. I didn’t want to go into American Eagle, but you insisted because you needed a new cardigan. Then you were dancing and you used your smoothie as a microphone...” Dean paused to laugh, remembering that day and how much fun they had, “and spilled the bright pink strawberry banana mess all over their display of white t-shirts. Then they kicked us out.” 

**Day 4: Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi**

“I know you think the guitar sounds like a dying frog, but this is a classic, dude.” As the song played, Dean grabbed Cas’s hands, and pretended to dance with him. “I know that we’re gonna make it through this. You and I.”

**Day 5: Like Real People Do - Hozier**

“Okay, I admit, you have turned me into a sappy romantic. And I know you’re right here and everything, but I miss you. I miss just being able to kiss you whenever I want and I miss us hanging out, and getting to be a boring, average couple.” 

Dean placed a kiss to Cas’s forehead. “I can’t wait until you come back to me.” 

**Day 6: Walking On Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves **

“So, Charlie told me to put this one on the list, and I trust her. Besides, we could use some good vibes in here. Even if we have to pretend this unflattering yellow light is our sun.”

**Day 7: The Rain Song - Led Zeppelin**

“I’m really missing you today. It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death. I wish more than anything that you were here.” Dean tried his best not to cry. “She loved this song, or at least that’s what Dad says. And I’ve told you before, but I want to tell you every day, that I love you. You make my life brighter. You’re the sunlight.”

**Day 8: Don’t Stop Believing - Journey **

“If nothing else wakes you up, maybe some deep-seated memory of Glee will. But I’m not gonna play the Glee version, because you know I hate it, so I’m trying to meet you halfway here.”

**Day 9: Don’t Stop Believing - Glee Version **

“After sleeping on it, I decided that I can suffer for 4 minutes if it might bring you back to me, so, here we go. If you don’t, I’ll understand, but deep down, I’m gonna be pissed because I knocked “Renegade” by Styx off the list for this.”

**Day 10: The Night We Met - Lord Huron**

“I had the regular radio on instead of my cassettes the other day, and I heard this song, and I had to pull over because it made me think of you. I think you’ll like it. It’s a little more mellow than the other songs. Unlike this dude, I know I’m gonna get to have all of you again one day. I just have to wait.”

**Day 11: Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid**

“Blackmail time for sure on this one, pal. Your mom pulled out your baby tapes when I visited her yesterday. I now know that The Little Mermaid is your favorite Disney movie. And I have to say, I’ve never seen anything cuter than toddler Castiel, dressed up in his sisters old Ariel Halloween costume, screaming “Part of Your World” into a hair brush.”

**Day 12: Simple Man- Lynyrd Skynyrd**

“I’ve been thinking. You are probably the exact type of person my mother would have wanted me to end up with. You’re smart, come from a good home with loving parents, you got plans for the future. You’ve made me a better man than I was before I met you.”

**Day 13: Love On Top - Beyonce **

“If you ever try to tell another soul that I like this song, I will vehemently deny it. But I love how much you love it, and when it comes on in the car, you automatically start smiling like nothing else matters. Plus, it’s hilarious to watch you scream the ending at the top of your lungs like it’ll somehow help you hit the high notes.”

**Day 14: High Hopes - Panic at the Disco**

“Today is a good day for keeping our hopes up! The doctors say you’re making great progress, and that’s what I like to hear.” Dean was beaming as he sat down next to Cas. “I don’t really think I need to explain this one because, let’s be honest, we both love Brendon Urie, and there’s nothing a little Panic! can’t fix.”

**Day 15: Shake It Off- Taylor Swift**

“Guess what, my love? We have officially entered week 3! And I know I might be putting all my eggs in one basket here, but I’m really optimistic about you making a recovery. So today is all about shedding the negativity, and focusing on the positives.”

**Day 16: Make You Feel My Love - Adele**

“I got you this little teddy bear that’s holding a heart that reads “I love you bear-y much.” I know it’s not as grand as the monkey you won me at Fun Fair, but with us, it’s always been the thought that counts. And I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Dean set the teddy bear in the crook of Cas’s arm, careful not to bump the IV. 

**Day 17: Mr. Brightside - The Killers**

It was pouring rain, and Dean almost didn’t show up because it was raining when Cas got into his accident, but he just drove extra careful. It was worth the risk. 

Even with his umbrella, he was still dripping water on the floor by the time he got to Cas’s room. 

“I braved this terrible weather ‘cause I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing you.” Dean placed his umbrella and coat in the corner. “Hope you’re ready to embrace that Hot Topic emo rage of the early 2000s! You can’t stay in a coma if you have to come out of your cage, and be doing just fine.”

**Day 18: I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston**

“In addition to focusing on the romantic implications of the song, which I mean wholeheartedly by the way, I just want you to know that I am also choosing to focus on that one time you ran a red light on our way back from the store because you were so focused on waiting for the “... bum- AND I!” Which you then continued to sing, with no regard for my well being at all, while I screamed in the passenger's seat.” 

**Day 19: A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton**

“Comedy Central will be playing White Chicks in about 15 minutes, and thank the lord because I’m sick of the news. There’s never anything good on on Fridays. Anyway, I decided we need to freshen up our knowledge of “A Thousand Miles,” so that we’re ready for Terry Crews and his dancing pecs.”

**Day 20: My Girl - The Temptations**

Dean showed up to the hospital with a plastic bag containing tape, and several paper cutouts that he stayed up all night making.

“I know it’s probably a waste, since they say you’re going to wake up in a couple days, but I thought this might make the room feel less sterile, and I know you were really looking forward to that exhibit at the zoo.” 

Dean opened the bag and pulled out a pile of hand-colored paper bees. They would’ve been hand drawn as well, but Dean tried, and it came out looking like when people who have no cooking experience try to make pancake art. So, he printed out a bunch of black and white pictures and colored them in.

He played the song of the day while he hung up his art. 

“I want you to know that there are not a lot of songs about bees, or that even mention bees, so I went with the only one I’ve heard of.”

He peeled a bunch of pieces of tape and stuck them to his fingers so they were ready to go when he wanted to hang up another bee. He put them all over the room so it looked like they were in the center of a hive. Or maybe an open field, because that’s less confining. He took a moment to sing the line “I’ve got so much honey, the bees envy me,” to Cas. It was true. All the little bees in the room were probably extremely envious of what the two of them shared. It didn’t matter that they weren’t real, Dean made them, so he got to dictate their emotions.

He taped up a couple dotted lines to make it look like the bees were flying, and he gave a couple of them little speech bubbles that said “Buzz!” 

“When you wake up, you’re gonna love this.” 

**Day 21: Home Sweet Home - Mötley Crüe**

“This is it. Your last day in a coma. Hopefully.” Dean shoved the bundle of helium balloons through the door and set them in the corner. He also made a giant sign that read “Welcome Back!” and hung it on the back of the door.

“And it’ll be perfect timing, since we’re set to move into the dorms next week. Can you believe college is already here? I still feel like a scared freshman who doesn’t know how to get to his classes. I guess we’re going to be entering that phase again. But I’m so excited to experience all this new stuff with you.” 

Dean stayed until visiting hours were over, just in case Cas decided to be early, like he was with everything else. No such luck. But that was okay, because he knew in his soul that Cas was going to wake up on Day 22.


	16. Chapter 16

Cas didn’t wake up. 

Dean showed up bright and early, optimistic, ready for his boyfriend to finally come back. Anael told him not to get his hopes up, but how could he not? What good would doubt do any of them? He was used to disappointment, but this? This was Cas. He didn’t have any other choice but to remain hopeful. 

Mrs. Novak was in his corner, turning a blind eye to logic, and embracing the idea that a miracle would happen and Cas would be ok. They had about 12 hours to wait it out, and they all waited. Dean and Mrs. Novak stayed in the room the entire time. Mr. Novak and the rest of his children chose to sit in the waiting room. Cas’s room was small, and it got uncomfortable with all of them in there. Besides, it was difficult enough to get a bunch of young kids to sit still, never mind keeping them busy in a boring hospital. At least in the waiting room, they could walk around, and they could get snacks from the vending machines. 

They waited it out until the announcement was made that visiting hours were over. They packed up their things, and headed back home, disappointed. It wasn’t a guarantee that he would wake up, it was an estimate, but damn it, Dean wanted it to be correct. They all did.

It was 10 days past the original three week marker and Cas was still in a coma. Dean was too upset to make another playlist, so he would just come in, pull the chair close to Cas’s bed, and hold his hand while some reruns played on the TV. The doctors said it was still possible that Cas could have serious brain damage, or have loss of motor skills, or end up in a vegetative state, but for the time being, he wasn’t getting worse, so they just had to wait and see what happened. 

Dean was getting desperate. His college move in date was in three days, and he wasn’t able to devote any of his attention to packing or getting school supplies. He considered calling the school and asking if he could start in the Spring instead, but after a conversation with Anael, he decided against it. She said that Cas would want him to go. He wouldn’t want Dean to put his life on hold for him. 

“I’ve seen him when he’s with you. It’s the happiest he’s ever been,” Anael said, looking lovingly at her brother. It was true, Cas had a lot of problems making friends and fitting in, but with Dean, he lit up. “I know that he would only want the best for you.”

It was good advice, so Dean listened to it. He took the rest of that day for himself and started packing. It was a little overwhelming to think that he’d be taking his life with him to a brand new location, but he knew it was for the best. He wished he could share this moment with Cas. They were supposed to be embarking on this journey together, but Dean knew Cas would be there, panicking about how many pairs of underwear he’d need, in no time.

Two days before he had to leave, Dean decided to visit Cas in a last ditch effort to get him to wake up. He came up with a plan, and he didn’t know if it would help, but he didn’t care. He was willing to try anything. 

“Hey Cas. I got a little surprise for you today. I thought maybe a little walk down memory lane might stir something in you.” He sat down and pulled their scrapbook from his backpack. He traced the words on the leather cover with his fingers, thinking back to the day Cas first showed it to him. It seemed stupid at the time, but now he was glad he agreed to it. 

He didn’t want to think about the worst, but in the event that it did happen, he had something they created together that showed moments from the best summer Dean had ever had. 

“I didn’t have enough emotional energy to make you a whole playlist this week. Honestly, I barely had enough energy to get here. I haven’t been sleeping well. But I remember the last song we shared together. You held me in your arms and sang me to sleep. You don’t know what I’d give to hear your voice again.”

Dean pulled out his phone and clicked play on the song. It wasn’t the same as having Cas back, but at least he could pretend. 

“_Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was, right there, right next to you. _”

He tried not to cry as he set the song on repeat. The lyrics hit too close to home. 

“See. You’re not the only one who can pull off some serious rom-com bullshit.” He said, setting the phone on the table in the corner and returning his attention to the scrapbook. 

Dean opened it to the first page where they put their list. He looked over all of the things that were left unchecked. There was still so much they had to do, and Cas couldn’t check out until they finished it. After all, it was his idea.

“I know you’re busy enjoying your nap over there,” Dean joked, “but uh, I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to miss Dodge City. So you better get your ass up soon because I’m not going if you’re not going. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

For a moment Dean hoped Cas would laugh, but he was met with nothing but the familiar silence. 

“Okay, so first up,” Dean turned the page, “we have the mini golf moat fiasco. I was so mad at you when you took that picture, but honestly, it’s pretty funny now. We didn’t even get to finish the game, and since they banned us from the property, there’s a good chance that we never will. Guess we’ll have to find a new course.” 

The next one was the picture from when they all went to the fireworks. 

“I know this one really isn’t of us, but you really made Sam’s night. If we’re being honest, and I can be since you can’t really say anything back, I fell in love with you a little bit that night. You were so good with Sam, and you know how much he means to me. You two getting along was like a dream come true.”

Dean flipped to the next page, it was the picture of him and Cas after the bonfire. 

“This is the picture of you in my room after you got set on fire. I’m sorry about that by the way. I guess some natural force really didn’t want us to kiss that night. Little did they know, we’d be kissing plenty later on. Speaking of which, I don’t think I’ve ever told you that I have that picture you sent to me that night saved to my phone. I was crushing on you so bad, that I almost had a heart attack when I opened it.” 

Dean almost forgot about the next photos.

“Dude, the pancakes. I still can’t believe we finished them in time. You have to admit, I came in clutch there at the end.” He laughed, looking at Cas’s face in the “After” photo. “I know we won, but Cas, you look like you’re gonna puke at any second in this picture.”

As Dean got to the most recent pictures, it felt surreal to be looking at them while Cas was lying across from him in a hospital bed. It seemed like he and Cas were just together, planning a new trip, and fooling around with each other. 

“Ah yes, the day I brought you the movie poster. I don’t know about you, but I was nervous as hell that night. I tried to keep my cool, but all I could think about was how I was less than a foot away from the boy I liked, on his bed, in his bedroom, with the door closed. Then I got to hold you all night. It didn’t work out so well for me in the morning, but what can you do?” 

Dean turned the page, and it was like the world stopped turning. An unexpected rush of tears pooled in his eyes. He wasn’t prepared for how his heart ached. How he was filled with an insatiable longing. How the pure joy on Cas’s face instantly transported him back to that day at the fair.

“This is the picture…” 

Dean stopped, getting too choked up to speak. The tears spilled down his face. It hurt too much to reminisce. It felt too much like a eulogy. Felt too much like saying goodbye. 

He wiped the tears from his cheeks and continued. 

“You won me that giant green monkey, and then you bought me the pretzel you owed me for eating my snacks. You told me you liked me, and then I kissed your beautiful, confused face and we…” Dean sniffled, taking a couple deep breaths, “we went on the Ferris wheel, and I asked you to be my boyfriend, and you said yes. I gotta tell you, that was the happiest day of my entire life.”

Dean sat the scrapbook down, and sat on the edge of Cas’s bed. He took Cas’s hands into his own, and held them tight. He steadied his breath, focusing.

“Now you listen to me and you listen good. You’re gonna fight this. You’re gonna fight like you’ve never fought before, because I can’t lose you. You mean too much to me.” 

Dean searched Cas’s face for any sign that he might have gotten through to him, tears blurring his vision, trembling lips struggling to hold back an earthquake of sobs. 

There was nothing.

“Damn it Cas, I need you!” Dean yelled, unable to keep his emotions inside any longer. He brought his hand to Cas’s face, softly caressing his cheek. “I need you to come back to me.”

In a perfect world, this would have been the moment where Cas’s hand would twitch, and Dean would call his name, and Cas would respond to his voice, and the doctor would rush in, and Cas would come out of the coma. 

But Dean didn’t live in a perfect world. And Cas still didn’t wake up.

Dean situated himself in the small space next to Cas on the hospital bed, his arm gently draped across Cas’s chest. 

“I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you,” Dean whispered along with the song. He just laid there next to Cas for hours, the song playing on repeat, until the nurses told him he had to leave.


	17. Chapter 17

It was Dean’s last day at work, and he was busy stocking the candy shelf when his phone rang. He checked the screen and saw that it was Mrs. Novak. His heart sunk. He knew he might get in trouble for answering the phone in the middle of a shift, but it was his last day, and Mrs. Novak never called him, so it had to be something important. 

It was.

She was so overwhelmed when Dean answered the call that she could barely speak. Dean had to remind her to breathe just so she could get the sentences out. When she finally stopped stuttering, she broke the news to Dean.

At 12:35pm that afternoon, surrounded by his family, Cas had finally woken up. 

Dean’s knees gave out and he fell to the carpeted ground of the movie theater hallway. He wanted to cheer, he wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. There were so many emotions fighting inside of him, but relief and joy were the winners. 

He ran up to the counter, ripping off his badge and slamming it on the glass. 

“See yah later!” He shouted to Kevin as he sprinted out the doors. Kevin called after him to ask where he was going, and if he needed to get someone to cover his shift, but that was his problem. Dean had a boyfriend he had to go see. 

He rushed up to the hospital room as quick as he could. When he got there, the room was filled with balloons and all of Cas’s family. As soon as Cas saw Dean, his face lit up with a smile. Dean was quick to give him a hug, latching onto Cas like he’d never let go of him. 

“Somebody missed me,” Cas said in a quiet, hoarse voice. 

“You have no idea,” Dean said, cradling Cas’s face in his hands. For someone who had been asleep for a month, he looked exhausted. His movements were small, and his breathing was labored, but none of that mattered to Dean. All that mattered was that he was healthy and awake and back in his life. “I’m so glad to have you back.” 

“So clingy. I was only out for a couple of weeks,” Cas teased. He sounded like he just got rescued from the desert. 

“Do you really think now is the time for jokes, Castiel?” Mrs. Novak scolded.

“I gotta make up for lost time,” he said, smiling up at Dean.

“Yes you do.” Dean placed his hand behind Cas’s head, pulling him close, and without a single care about anyone else in the room, he kissed him. 

Anael oooed, and Gabe screamed while covering his eyes. 

“Listen.” Cas broke away from Dean, turning to face his little brother. “We’re in love, so you’re just gonna have to get used to us.” 

“Whatever. Kissing is gross,” Gabe said, mocking them by making his hands fake kiss while he made exaggerated kissing sounds. “Gross.”

Everyone laughed, even Cas who seemed to struggle with it a bit. His body was still adjusting to functioning on its own, but he was doing well. 

“Do you like the bees?” Dean asked, looking around at his well-intentioned art work.

“I love the bees. Did you do that?” 

Dean nodded, “Yeah. Figured since you missed out on the zoo thing, this would be the next best thing. Bring the bees to you.”

Cas ran his thumb across Dean’s hand, “It’s very sweet. Thank you.”

They talked for a while after that, trying to get Cas acclimated with the real world again. They caught him up on everything he missed. Michael and Gabe went school shopping, and they both have developed a fascination with sneakers. Anael helped with the charity bake sale that he missed. Dean, of course, was preparing for college. 

He knew he only missed a month, but it was jarring for Cas to see how the world went on without him. Sure, he knew his family and friends were there, but he became aware that he was only one small part of their lives. 

He must’ve zoned out because the room had gone quiet without him noticing. When he brought his attention back to reality, Dean was asking him questions.

“So what was it like? Could you hear us, or feel things, or was it just black?” Dean asked.

Cas took a moment to think about it. “I could hear some things. Like when mom and dad were praying, or when Anael read to me, or when you played the songs. But it was all like a weird dream.” 

Cas tried to recall any of the dreams he had when he was out. A few faintly flickered back to the surface of his mind.

“Like… it was me, Gabe and Michael, playing tag in the woods. And you two were fighting about something. I think it was who’s turn it was to be It.” 

“Oh,” Mrs. Novak chimed in, “that was probably when they were arguing over whose turn it was to play Candy Crush on my tablet.” She turned to the two boys. “I told you he could hear what you were saying.” 

“What else?” Anael asked.

“Well, there was one time I was having a picnic in this flowery meadow with you and mom. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but it felt so peaceful. And Dad was on the bank of a river, fishing. We were drinking hot sand through giant straws. It was bizarre.” 

“I’ll say. I haven’t been fishing since I was a kid,” Mr. Novak added. 

“Yes dad, because  _ that  _ was the weird part,” Michael said, rolling his eyes.

“And then there were all these concerts,” Cas said. “It was you and me, Dean, and we went across the country to see all these amazing bands play. But the venues were weird. Like… we were at this frat party, and Queen was playing on this makeshift stage in the living room. Then this other time, The Killers were doing Mr. Brightside, but we were in an underwater palace, and people outside were sounding these drums of war, but we didn’t care, because we were enjoying the show.”

Dean could’ve cried. While his efforts didn’t make Cas wake up any faster, he still got through to him. He was with him, in his dreams, for that entire month, taking him on a cross-country rock n’ roll adventure. Even if they couldn’t finish the one they started in the real world, at least they got to in Cas’s dreams. 

As the day dwindled down, they began to say their goodbyes. Cas needed his rest, and they had bombarded him with enough hugs, kisses, and questions for one day. They knew Cas would still have to go to physical therapy, and come back for check ups, and that it would take him a while before he was fully back to his old self, but for that moment, they were just glad to have him back. 


	18. The End

As the subtle chill of fall set in, Cas was discharged from the hospital. He spent the following months in and out of physical therapy, trying to get back to his old self. He managed to regain most of his motor skills, but he still couldn’t walk for long periods of time without needing his wheelchair. At first, it was hard for him to adjust to, but the more he thought about it, the more he grew appreciative that he wasn’t injured worse in the accident. He’d found strength in the progress he was making, and that kept him and his family optimistic about the future. 

Dean had started college at Kansas State. He decided to major in architectural engineering, which was harder than he expected, but Cas was more than happy to tutor him. It gave him something to do, and he loved seeing Dean chase after his dreams. 

Cas came up to visit Dean once, so he could get a feel for the campus for when he’d eventually attend. It was nice. Close enough where you could visit home if you wanted, far enough away where you get to experience life on your own. 

Everything went well, except for when Dean introduced Cas to his roommate. Cas didn’t like him. He gave off a creepy, power trip vibe, like he wanted to watch the world burn, and he wanted to be the one to set the fire. 

“What kind of name is Crowley anyway? Were his parents Satan worshipers or something?” Cas asked, as he and Dean made their way to the food hall. 

If nothing else, the trip just made Cas more motivated to get better soon, so he could finally get to live with Dean and experience college first hand.

  


By the time November rolled around, it was time for Thanksgiving break. It was only a week, but Dean was looking forward to going home. While he enjoyed the freedom of living on campus, he underestimated how much he was going to miss Sam.

“Smell you later, Crowley.” Dean swung his backpack over his shoulder, throwing up a peace sign, as he left his dorm. 

He tossed his bag in the back of the impala and hit the road back home.

The afternoon of Thanksgiving, Dean was trying to get his brother and his father to get ready in a timely fashion. It was only 2:30pm, but he knew how hard it was to get those two to do anything on a deadline. 

“Listen, I know this is not that big of a deal for you guys, but Cas’s family was kind enough to invite us over for dinner, so the least we could do is look nice, and be on time. Mrs. Novak said they eat at 4, so based on your previous track record, you all need to be ready...” Dean checked the time on his phone, “an hour ago.” 

“We get it Dean, you want your boyfriend’s parents to like us, but do I really have to wear this? This isn’t me.” John held up a freshly ironed button up shirt. 

“Okay, well the real you is a ripped t-shirt from 1975. So for my sake, please wear the shirt that I gave you.”

Shortly after Cas came out of the coma, Dean sat down and explained everything to John. He was scared as hell, but he didn’t want to keep their relationship a secret. John was surprisingly ok with it. Well, more okay with it than Dean had anticipated. John said he had some suspicions for a while, so it wasn’t so much of a shock. He asked all these questions about how it was that Dean could be gay if he had so many girlfriends in the past. It took a while for John to grasp the concept of bisexuality, but once they got on the same page, he started to come around. 

John explained that while it wouldn’t be his first choice, because Dean’s life would be slightly more difficult, he was still his son, and as long as he was happy, healthy, and staying out of trouble, he supported him.

It also helped that John had entered rehab a month back. The realization that Dean was gone hit him pretty hard, and he went on a bender, then woke up in jail, completely unaware that he shoplifted several bottles of alcohol from a liquor store. He didn’t remember anything.

Dean told him about the drunk driver that hit Cas, and how he didn’t want John to be that kind of person, and he also didn’t want to lose his father in such a tragic way. He wasn’t expecting John to listen, but it turned out, that was exactly the kick in the ass John needed to get his life in gear. 

After that, he was an entirely different person. He was finally the kind of dad that Dean could be proud of. 

“Guys, I have to run to the store and pick up the pie. Please try to be ready by the time I get back. We’re leaving at 3:30pm.” Dean grabbed his keys and headed to the store. 

He planned on getting pumpkin, but he figured Mrs. Novak would have baked her own, and he didn’t want to get the same flavor. He needed to check in on things anyway, so he called Anael.

“Hey! What kind of pie is your mom making?”

“Hello to you too,” she said, taken aback by Dean’s bluntness. “She didn’t make any. She said you were bringing the pie.”

“She put all her faith in me?” Dean looked through the variety of pies, most of them blueberry and cherry, as responsible people had already bought the apple and pumpkin. “She’ll learn not to do that.”

“Did you need something or did you just call to panic about pie?”

“Actually yes.” Dean balanced the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could search the shelf. “Can you please make sure Cas is wearing an outfit he likes? I know he sometimes throws on whatever, but there’s going to be pictures, and I want him to look nice.”

“Yes, Dean. Try not to worry yourself too much. It’s just dinner.”

“It’s the biggest dinner of my life.” 

“Sweetie, I know you want everything to go just right, but getting yourself worked up isn’t going to help. Just take a moment, refocus your energy, and remember what today is about. Being with loved ones, and giving thanks for what we have.”

Anael was like some magical healing elf. No matter what Dean was going through, a quick chat with her would turn it all around.

He settled on a peach cobbler and a pumpkin pie that had a questionable expiration date that was partially scratched off the packaging. It most likely wouldn’t kill anyone.

By the time Dean picked up his father and Sam, it was almost time for dinner. They ended up leaving 15 minutes late because Sam couldn’t find his dress shoes. It didn’t makes sense to Dean. Sam had just worn them when he took Eileen to homecoming. How could he lose them that fast?

As they searched through the house, John lectured Sam about being irresponsible.

“You begged me to get you the nice shoes because this was your first real dance, with your first real girlfriend, and then you turn right around and lose them.”

As they headed out, Dean checked the time. Great. It was 3:55pm. He told Charlie to meet him there at 3:40pm, and while she had met Cas a couple of times, he didn’t want to put her through the awkwardness of making small talk with Cas’s family. 

Charlie had just pulled up as they arrived, smiling and holding a tray of cookies. 

“Sorry we’re late, but… it’s us.” Dean said, walking up to the front door.

“It’s okay. I accounted for that. Plus, I would've just listened to music in my car until you got here.” She flashed an exaggerated smile at Dean. “Do I have lipstick on my teeth?”

“No, you’re good. Thank you for coming by the way. I know you’re missing time with your family.”

“It’s no problem. They don’t eat till like seven.”

“Well I told Cas that your family’s flight got canceled so you would’ve spent Thanksgiving by yourself.”

Charlie considered it. It was plausible enough. “I can work with that.”

Dean rang the doorbell, trying to shake out his nerves. Charlie could tell he was on edge, and honestly, she couldn’t blame him.

“I know you’ve got a lot of weight on your shoulders, but you got this, big guy.” Charlie playfully punched his shoulder as Mrs. Novak opened the door and invited them in.

As they entered the formal dining room, they were met with a full spread of food. Mrs. Novak was some kind of cooking superhero, it made no sense that she could prepare as much food as she did in a few hours. 

She prepared an entire turkey, a ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, a green bean casserole, stuffing, fresh cranberry sauce, squash, and dinner rolls.

Sam looked mesmerized by everything from the house, to the food, to the guests, and Dean realized they hadn’t had a big dinner like this, surrounded by friends and family, since before their mom died. 

“Mrs. Novak, this looks delicious.” 

“Thank you, Sam. I’m glad you and your family are here to enjoy it with us.” 

As a guest of honor, they had John carve the turkey. Dean almost couldn’t believe it, it felt like a scene from a movie. John finally had some light back in his eyes, Cas was sitting across the table from him, Sam was getting along with Cas’s brothers, Charlie was there to share in the merriment. It was almost too good to be true. 

After Mr. Novak said grace, they all dug into the feast. They served sparkling cider instead of alcohol out of respect for John and because the majority of the group was under 21. There were different conversations here and there, about school, or an old friend, or hobbies. Everyone was getting along splendidly. 

As the meal drew to a close, and everyone was starting to get drowsy from the turkey, Dean decided it would be a good time to put his plan into motion. He cleared his throat, clinking his fork against his glass of cider. 

“Excuse me everyone. I’d like to say a few words.” Dean stood up, gesturing across the table. “Castiel...”

“Ooo, he used my full name, this must be serious,” Cas joked.

“Oh my god,” Anael groaned to herself, hiding behind her hand.

“First of all, let me start by saying how thankful I am that you are here with us. We’re all very aware that this holiday season could’ve been very different, but instead we all get to be together, and for that I’m grateful.” 

Mrs. Novak pulled Cas into a hug, giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Secondly, I know we’re young, and this may seem like I’m jumping the gun, but I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. I almost lost you once, and I realized that I don’t want to spend another day without you by my side.” 

Dean walked to the other side of the table, taking Cas’s hands into his own, asking him to stand. Cas’s eyes went wide, like he realized what was about to happen. Dean’s hands were shaking, and his knees were ready to give out. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself for what he was about to do. 

“Cas, I can’t even begin to describe how much you mean to me, but I’m going to try. I have never known a love like I have with you. When I’m sad, you make me smile. When I have good news, you’re always excited to hear it. When times are tough, I know I can depend on you. With you, it’s easy. It’s as if we’ve known each other, in another universe, at another time, and that’s probably true, because as I’m standing here, looking in your eyes, I can’t imagine a universe where you don’t love me, and I don’t love you.”

Dean kneeled down, pulling a small black box from his pocket. He was shaking so bad, he almost dropped it. 

“Dean Winchester, are you asking me to be your husband?” Cas asked, the same way he did when Dean asked him to be his boyfriend, only this time with much more disbelief. 

Dean laughed. “Yes, Castiel Novak, I’m asking you to be my husband.” He opened the box to reveal a gleaming silver band. “Will you marry me?” 

Cas nodded his head, smiling wide despite the tears of joy blurring his vision. He didn’t even have to think about the answer. “Yes!” 

Dean slid the ring on Cas’s finger before standing up and pulling him into a loving kiss. 

“Smile for the camera!” Charlie shouted as she zoomed in on their happy faces. She had been recording the whole thing.

Mr. and Mrs. Novak got up and gave both their son, and their soon to be son-in-law, a big hug. They could not have been happier. After the year they all went through, to see their son smiling and in love was more than they could’ve hoped for.

John stood up and made his way over to the two. He pulled Dean into a hug, telling him that he was proud of him. He gave Cas a hug too, welcoming him to the Winchester family. 

“So, does this mean Cas is gonna be my brother too?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, it looks like it.” Dean answered.

“Awesome!” Sam smiled, running over and slinging his arms around Cas’s waist. He motioned for Cas to bend down so only he could hear him. “Does this mean you’ll buy me the huge lollipops every Fourth of July?” 

Cas chuckled, “I think we can work something out.” 

Charlie ran over, her phone still recording, and asked in a cheesy game show host voice, “Dean Winchester, you’ve just gotten engaged. Tell me, what do you plan on doing next?”

Dean looked into Cas’s eyes, his smile brighter than it’s ever been. He saw the rest of his life standing right in front of him, and there was no place else he’d rather be.

“Starting a new chapter with the love of my life.” 

Charlie let out a disappointed sigh, “You were supposed to say ‘I’m going to Disney World!’” 

She huffed and stomped back to her seat to record the rest of the family’s reaction. 

“So, we’re engaged,” Cas said, looking down at his ring finger.

“Yes, we are.”

“It’s a shame, I didn’t get you anything.” 

Dean laughed, and that was one of Cas’s favorite sounds. He felt like the luckiest man alive knowing he would get to hear that sound for the rest of his life. 

“This moment would make an excellent closing photo for our scrapbook,” Cas said, pulling Dean close to him.

“Actually, I think it would make an excellent opening photo for our next one.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at that. “You want there to be another one?”

“Yeah. It can document are our lives together. Well, at least up until we get the house. We should start another one then.”

“We’re getting a house?” Cas leaned back, a look of bewilderment on his face.

“You bet. Then again, maybe we should wait to start a new scrapbook until after we have kids.”

“Now we’re having kids?” Cas asked, dumbfounded by Dean’s surprise Five Year plan.

“Yup! One girl, we can name her Cassandra, and a little boy, Dean Jr.”

That was all Cas could take, he started cracking up. One moment he was eating dinner with his family and his boyfriend, the next thing he knew, he was engaged and on the fast track to a split level in the suburbs, raising his two children.

The more he thought about it, the less ridiculous it seemed. He knew he was young, and still had to get through college, and still had a lot of growing left to do, but he had an entire life with Dean to look forward to. People spend most of their lives trying to find that special someone, and here they were, lucky enough to have found each other so early on.  
“You know what?” Cas asked, smiling up at Dean. “As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.”

Dean cradled Cas’s face in his hand, caressing his cheek ever so gently with his thumb. He thought about what the future would hold for them, and honestly, he couldn’t think of a more fitting sentiment, so he simply nodded his head and said, “Me too.” 

Dean pulled Cas into a kiss, their eyes closed, and for a moment, the rest of the world wasn’t there. The background noise faded and everyone in the room turned into a blur. It was just the two of them, together, on the verge of starting a brand new adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end! 
> 
> If you read this far, thank you so much for giving this fic a chance.  
Like I said, this was my first time doing DCBB, and I had a lot of fun.
> 
> I've always had a fondness for Young Adult Fiction and Indie films, and I wanted to create something that embodied that spirit. With Fanfiction, I didn't feel the pressure of trying to "write an entire novel," I simply let the story flow, and followed where it wanted to take me. I wrote the kind of story that I wanted to read, and I'm proud of what I was able to produce. Hopefully, you enjoyed it!
> 
> If you did, please leave comments and kudos below. 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you all!


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